ShiningEyes Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 My BF and I have a co-dependent relationship. It is affecting us both in different ways and very negatively. We have intense fights that end with one of us insulting the other, kicking the other out, or crying uncontrollably. It's been a turbulent R from the beginning. I was concerned and started therapy - was quickly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and put on medication. He started therapy but claims no diagnosis although from my own research I would say he's got some narcissistic personality traits. My unpredictable temper and outbursts (he says) conditioned him to lie to me about things he thought would make me mad. Because for the 1s year he was going through a divorce, we kept our R quiet and completely separate from his friends, family, and co-workers. I was more open about him in my life with my friends but the nature of the R ultimately distanced me from my friends. We lived in a bubble and as time went on became more and more emotionally dependent on each other - even during the fights. After our last fight and (temporary) break up I lost my senses and became very aggressive and violent towards him. After a long day of fighting and aggression on my part he wouldn't open the door for me when I showed up to his house. In my rage I wanted to hurt him but because I couldn't I went home and took 2 bottles of anti-anxiety medication. Realizing what I had done, I called 911 and he rest is a blur (ambulance, intake, treatment). He was notified by a neighbor friend that I had been taken to the hospital and showed up. The next day he was angry at me. Said I took the pills to manipulate him. We broke up. I continued therapy and then about a month later we got back together. It's been a month of both of us trying hard to make things work but my BPD triggers continue to activate. He looks uncomfortable around me sometimes and still excludes me from social/public life even though we're now dating openly (after 1 year). We're now about 3 months short of a 2-year relationship. He is not divorced yet. He admitted to me that he is constantly worried about my wellbeing, that he isn' 100% sure he wants to be in the relationship but that he is willing to try to make it work. I am feeling insecure about who I am to him and am beginning to feel depressed, anxious, paranoid again. Triggers. When things are good, we have so much fun and are so affectionate with each other. We spend a lot of time together and literally sleep with our bodies tangled up and holding each other tight, and our faces as though we were kissing. BUT when it's bad, it's bad. I need advice from you all. Please! Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 You stated you are in therapy. What about couple therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Being co dependant is nothing but toxic. One needs to love who they are first before they can love anyone else. Drop the co and ad the IN. You need to be able to be to sit in peace within yourself. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Feliciti Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Being co dependant is nothing but toxic. One needs to love who they are first before they can love anyone else. Drop the co and ad the IN. You need to be able to be to sit in peace within yourself. Mea:) Easier for some than others. You make it sound a bit too simple :/ Link to post Share on other sites
fencesitter Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Shining, in my humble opinion, you have to focus on managing your BPD first before you can have a healthy relationship with anyone. Right now you don't even have a healthy relationship with yourself. And your BF needs to close the door on his marriage completely before he will be emotionally available to you. Even if the marriage is *done*, there is a lot of emotional processing and whatnot that goes on during a separation and even beyond the legal dissolution. But don't despair. Many folks with BPD manage to have healthy relationships. Unfortunately, this does not sound like one. Link to post Share on other sites
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