Mme. Chaucer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Plastic surgery will not help you. No kidding. People with this type of mindset who seek to "fix" it with cosmetic procedures risk ending up looking like Michael Jackson, because it's another bottomless pit. It didn't work - so have more surgery. It still didn't work - so have still more surgery. Etc. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Nobody is their partners first and only choice in the world until you deal with that seek help Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I used to think I was ugly too V. Now I don't, and I feel much better about things. You need to locate the true source of the problem, but I think you already know what it is. There is material out there designed to help you better than I could. I would suggest you look for information anywhere you can about how to understand yourself better and how to cultivate a positive attitude, instead of reading about things that reinforce your mental position and thinking the thoughts that you do. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I used to think I was ugly too V. Now I don't, and I feel much better about things. You need to locate the true source of the problem, but I think you already know what it is. is she dealing with what you are? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 No kidding. People with this type of mindset who seek to "fix" it with cosmetic procedures risk ending up looking like Michael Jackson, because it's another bottomless pit. It didn't work - so have more surgery. It still didn't work - so have still more surgery. Etc. Losing the weight doesn't fix a negative attitude either. This is almost an identical copy of what my girlfriend's figure looks like, except that my girlfriend has narrower hips: http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-12390-body-shape.htm#img And she thinks she's fat and her boobs are unattractive. I call that ultimate pessimism...I call that OCD. It's just insanity. Uma Thurman has fought this nagging self-image issue her entire life, and she's made multiple top 100 hottest women alive lists. Self-improvement often doesn't fix an obsessive pessimism. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Losing the weight doesn't fix a negative attitude either. This is almost an identical copy of what my girlfriend's figure looks like, except that my girlfriend has narrower hips: http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-12390-body-shape.htm#img And she thinks she's fat and her boobs are unattractive. I call that ultimate pessimism...I call that OCD. It's just insanity. Uma Thurman has fought this nagging self-image issue her entire life, and she's made multiple top 100 hottest women alive lists. Self-improvement often doesn't fix an obsessive pessimism. the figure of the girl in that photo is very attractive Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I used to think I was ugly too V. Now I don't, and I feel much better about things. You need to locate the true source of the problem, but I think you already know what it is. There is material out there designed to help you better than I could. I would suggest you look for information anywhere you can about how to understand yourself better and how to cultivate a positive attitude, instead of reading about things that reinforce your mental position and thinking the thoughts that you do. I wish you well. I know how she feels and its easier said then done especially when the only thign youve been reinforced by people around you is the negative I still struggle wit it till this day especially since i still havent gotten positive reinforcement from the opposite sex at 31 but you cant always dwell on the neagtive or it will eat you alive.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 I'm going to qualify this because I'm not sure your issue is actually that you're underestimating your worth--I'm wondering if your issue is that you're shooting for a higher quality of man than you've led us to believe. I've only seen one of the guys you've dated, but he was fairly attractive, probably around a 6 or 7--not more attractive than you but attractive enough to know that if he's also confident that he might want to try for an 8 or a 9. If you are after someone in the upper 30% or more of men, get your surgery. If you'd be fine with a 4 or a 5 who's a good guy, you're FAR more than good enough as you stand today. I'm still flummoxed that you think he was so good looking. Who knows, maybe I'm a lot harsher on guys' looks than I think, but even dating him, I put him at a 5 (his personality was what I was attracted to.) If that's the case, that I'm actually overestimating my looks by going for attractive guys... then I really give up, cause obviously the way I process the world is way too different from how other people process the world to bridge the gap. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I've only seen one of the guys you've dated, but he was fairly attractive, probably around a 6 or 7. These number scales can confuse things. V interprets a 6 to be unattractive. For clarity (enigmatically, of course), is a 6 attractive to you? Could you date a person you consider a 6, and be deeply attracted over time? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 is she dealing with what you are? Are you referring to the autism? If so, then no, not that I am aware of.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Losing the weight doesn't fix a negative attitude either. This is almost an identical copy of what my girlfriend's figure looks like, except that my girlfriend has narrower hips: http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-12390-body-shape.htm#img And she thinks she's fat and her boobs are unattractive. I call that ultimate pessimism...I call that OCD. It's just insanity. Uma Thurman has fought this nagging self-image issue her entire life, and she's made multiple top 100 hottest women alive lists. Self-improvement often doesn't fix an obsessive pessimism. If that's how your girlfriend looks then yeah, she's a little off-kilter. 98% of people would agree that's an attractive body type. I'd KILL for that body type. As opposed to the one I have, where you stick up a picture of a replica figure and people start looking for harpoons. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 the figure of the girl in that photo is very attractive I count myself as incredibly lucky every time I look at her, whereas she looks at herself and hates what she sees. I'm all for self-improvement, but not when your self-esteem is THAT low--the problem isn't the way you look, it's your attitude about how you look. It's out of whack when you're as hot as my girlfriend or Verhrzn and think you're ugly or unattractive. It's tragic. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I know how she feels and its easier said then done especially when the only thign youve been reinforced by people around you is the negative I still struggle wit it till this day especially since i still havent gotten positive reinforcement from the opposite sex at 31 but you cant always dwell on the neagtive or it will eat you alive.. True, I never had negative reinforcement though, I just didn't know whether I was getting any whatsoever. I just learned to look at myself as at least a somewhat physically attractive man, and since I have done so, I have had a bit of positive reinforcement echoing the belief I am portraying of myself. Sometimes I have bad days, but hey..... Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I'm still flummoxed that you think he was so good looking. Who knows, maybe I'm a lot harsher on guys' looks than I think, but even dating him, I put him at a 5 (his personality was what I was attracted to.) He might be a 5--all I could see is his face in a single pic. If he's a 5, he must have some body issues. I didn't say he was "so good looking," I said a 6 or a 7--a bit above average, in other words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 I count myself as incredibly lucky every time I look at her, whereas she looks at herself and hates what she sees. I'm all for self-improvement, but not when your self-esteem is THAT low--the problem isn't the way you look, it's your attitude about how you look. It's out of whack when you're as hot as my girlfriend or Verhrzn and think you're ugly or unattractive. It's tragic. Your girlfriend (based on that photo) is hot, and has too low self-esteem to see it. I am not hot, and well aware of it. There's the big difference. Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Your girlfriend (based on that photo) is hot, and has too low self-esteem to see it. I am not hot, and well aware of it. There's the big difference. Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. That body type is not bad at all, I know a lot of guys who would be perfectly happy with a woman shaped as such. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I know how she feels and its easier said then done especially when the only thing youve been reinforced by people around you is the negative No. She interprets everything as negative and twists even the positive into negative, as you would know if you'd read this entire thread and her other identical threads. I agree that V is the last person who should have plastic surgery, at least now, because no reputable surgeon would touch her with a barge pole for the simple reason she thinks surgery is the answer to her problems. She would wind up looking like the Bride of Wildenstein or Joan Rivers and would create the situation she thinks she is in now -- turning people off because of her looks. What only one poster seems to have spotted is that men are attracted enough to date her for months but then get turned off when they actually get to know her better. Hmmm. She looks exactly the same as when they first met, so I can't possibly imagine what the problem might be... Give up people! You are wasting your breath. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Your girlfriend (based on that photo) is hot, and has too low self-esteem to see it. I am not hot, and well aware of it. There's the big difference. Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. Curvy and soft, with a small waist and large breasts. Yeah, no men like that Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 No. She interprets everything as negative and twists even the positive into negative, as you would know if you'd read this entire thread and her other identical threads. What only one poster seems to have spotted is that men are attracted enough to date her for months but then get turned off when they actually get to know her better. Hmmm. She looks exactly the same as when they first met, so I can't possibly imagine what the problem might be... How do I twist the positives?? I have no idea where you get some of this stuff. They dumped me because they found someone hotter. Period. Two of them told me directly that they were dumping me because they weren't physically attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Heck, even FitChick's solution of that weird pseudo-therapy that I don't buy into (sorry FitChick; I think you mean well and I could be totally wrong) either is better than what you ARE doing. If you read the website you will find testimonials from therapists and research studies proving the Lefkoe Method works. Lots of anecdotal evidence from prominent people in all fields as well who have tried and failed using conventional therapy. So you might want to be more open minded. The Lefkoe Method is certainly a lot safer than popping pharmaceuticals. I think that is what scares V, that something might actually work and she would change whether she wanted to or not. That would turn her world upside down and it's better to live in the familiar world of negativity than the unknown where she might actually find peace. Sad, isn't it? But we can't control anyone except ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 I think that is what scares V, that something might actually work and she would change whether she wanted to or not. That would turn her world upside down and it's better to live in the familiar world of negativity than the unknown where she might actually find peace. Sad, isn't it? Um, no, what scares me is spending thousands of dollars for something that has barely any scientific research behind is, and its only reviews read like advertisements. Don't really feel like participating in a fraud, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaticClarity Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. Sitting here comparing your online pics to that girl, I just can't see it. Granted, she's in a bikini and I'm looking at pics of you in tight yet full clothing, but still, I can't see it. And the reason WHY I can't see it is simple--the girl you linked is 5' 1" and 145 pounds! You're 5' 1" and 120-125. Big difference. And your boobs are MUCH bigger and more attractive. These look closer to the real you, and the weight is in line with your real weight with similar waist widths to yours and similar boob sizes (the first girl is bigger than your D, but other than that she looks like your online pic): http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-6850-body-shape.htm#img http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-6565-body-shape.htm#img http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-5187-body-shape.htm#img Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Your girlfriend (based on that photo) is hot, and has too low self-esteem to see it. I am not hot, and well aware of it. There's the big difference. Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. Then you need to sit down & find where the hidden calories in your diet are & cut them out! Look, if you look like the girl you linked to you are chubby IMHO, but all the whining and crying about it isn't going to fix it, either diet it off, get liposuction or just deal with the fact that you won't be a lot of guys first choice when it comes to physical attraction. Also, when you decide to take initiative & approach men for dates you need to accept the part where you meet with rejection, just as men do when they approach women. Being the aggressor means risk taking, it also means wading through a lot of people who aren't suited to you. Either toughen up or stop initiating dates. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) Your girlfriend (based on that photo) is hot, and has too low self-esteem to see it. I am not hot, and well aware of it. There's the big difference. Here's the closest I can find to what my body shape looks like. I don't remember what your body looks like but even if it is similar to this girl's, it's definitely not so bad that you need lipo! Bear in mind that girl is also wearing a VERY unflattering bikini for her body type... (prime example of how clothing choice can make or break you). If she were in boy shorts and a halter top or a skirtsuit she'd look MUCH better at her weight...and of course you probably would not have used this photo as a comparison. Edited February 14, 2012 by LexiB Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I don't see what's wrong with masturbating more... Link to post Share on other sites
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