Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 If you have solutions as to how to stop "broadcasting negativity," then by all means, share those. OK. How about: NEVER "nettle." Try to have a good time on any date you bother going on; also think about whether your date is having a good time. If another date happens, just accept that enough interest was there for … another date. Still, never nettle. Try to have a good time. Etc. If this continues, something is building. If it doesn't, go your separate ways and try again. It doesn't signify that you are ugly, a consolation prize, that men are superficial, or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 You do realize that guys are pretty much trained to not show to much interest up front right? If they do the word creepy usually shows up in the woman's vocabulary pretty fast. Now there are plenty of exceptions, but that's usually because they are both deeply attracted to each other. Honestly I think your need for the guy to all but drool on you, is killing your chances of meeting anyone normal. I have no idea where you get this. I see tons of guys act the way I'd expect to other girls.... asking them for their phone number, friending them, flirting with them, etc. without being labeled "creepy." I have no need for a guy to "drool" over me. Perhaps, but I've dated people with whom I have subsequently fallen in love and I definitely wasn't in love with all of them by the end of the first date. I don't recall them actively having to "convince" me but they certainly continued to impress me and they also didn't do anything too unattractive. I'm not asking for him to be madly in love with me by the first date. That's an exaggeration on your part of what I want. All I want is a guy who shows interest. Obviously, this guy barely did, so I shouldn't have bothered, but guys never do. Why should I waste time convincing guys who won't even ask me for my phone number, or contact me first? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 wallowing and broadcasting negativity is not widely accepted as the path to dating success and love...but you seem to hold it very dear In other words, if you were a guy, would you want to date verizon? (No matter what she looked like). No body explains it..."Positive attitude" is the cop-out answer to my questions. It requires no explanation, no insight, and no actual understanding of my issues. It's a feel-good, useless answer. Let's say "positive attitude" as opposed to pain the the neck. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 H'mmm.. ok if you want to consider that this is something bigger than yourself it could be that you simply lack presence. This can be a problem for both sexes. Not sure how you get to have a compelling presence as it is beyond ones looks. Kind of transforms a persons looks in many respects. It's all about how you carry yourself and your preciousness. I say this because there was a girl who was trying to get my daughters boyfriend (the other day) and it was hard to even notice her because she has no presence about her. It was the strangest thing to note. She tried to make all the moves too, which is not that attractive to some, well to a lot of younger people methinks. So, this could be what you need to work on... but I am not sure what to advise. Hope my suggestion strikes a cord of inspiration somewhere with you, as you really can't carry on like this. Such a young, attractive woman as well! Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 OK. How about: NEVER "nettle." Try to have a good time on any date you bother going on; also think about whether your date is having a good time. If another date happens, just accept that enough interest was there for … another date. Still, never nettle. Try to have a good time. Etc. If this continues, something is building. If it doesn't, go your separate ways and try again. It doesn't signify that you are ugly, a consolation prize, that men are superficial, or anything. So how do I be proactive in making sure the guy actually likes me, and isn't dating me out of boredom/desperation/the girl he actually wants turned him down. If this guy hasn't made a comment, I could have potentially gone on more dates with him, and found myself dumped after a 6 month relationship for a girl he actually wanted, but couldn't get before. If I don't nettle, how do I avoid that? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I'm not asking for him to be madly in love with me by the first date. That's an exaggeration on your part of what I want. All I want is a guy who shows interest. Obviously, this guy barely did, so I shouldn't have bothered, but guys never do. Why should I waste time convincing guys who won't even ask me for my phone number, or contact me first? Yes, I exaggerated in my example. Why wouldn't you want to impress a guy who you find attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 So how do I be proactive in making sure the guy actually likes me, and isn't dating me out of boredom/desperation/the girl he actually wants turned him down. You can never be sure of anything in life, V! You just have to be secure with yourself in knowing that you have enough to offer that he WANTS to be there with you for not the reasons you listed. And if he is there for the wrong reasons, you have to be secure that you can walk away and go find someone better. Sadly, I don't think any amount of advice on how to get that security is going to help you... Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 You keep saying he "chose" you and "made a connection" with you, which, at least from your OP, seems to be a bit inaccurate. You asked him out and he agreed. That's not him choosing you. That's you choosing him and him going along with it. If you ask someone out (whether you're a girl or a guy) and they accept, then you shouldn't treat it as though they chose you, because they didn't. If you want a guy who really does choose you, then wait for a guy to ask YOU out. If you want to continue asking guys out, which I think is perfectly fine, then don't think that they're choosing you. If you do, then you are only bringing this problem upon yourself. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Yes, I exaggerated in my example. Why wouldn't you want to impress a guy who you find attractive? Because it's a waste of time. Very rarely can you change people's minds once you form an opinion of you. The guy is either attracted to me, or he's not. Why twist myself into pretzels trying? You can never be sure of anything in life, V! You just have to be secure with yourself in knowing that you have enough to offer that he WANTS to be there with you for not the reasons you listed. And if he is there for the wrong reasons, you have to be secure that you can walk away and go find someone better. Sadly, I don't think any amount of advice on how to get that security is going to help you... Except I'm not aware (if I don't nettle) he's there for the wrong reasons until I've been freshly dumped. So if I don't figure out how to spot it a different way, all I'm doing is setting myself up to get dumped again and again and again. Why would advice on how to get that security not help? I keep asking for it... people keep telling me TO do it, but never HOW. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 So how do I be proactive in making sure the guy actually likes me, and isn't dating me out of boredom/desperation/the girl he actually wants turned him down. Look for evidence of interest. Why would you even worry about those thing on initial dates? So what if there is another girl that recently rejected him? He's giving YOU a chance now. If this guy hasn't made a comment, I could have potentially gone on more dates with him, and found myself dumped after a 6 month relationship for a girl he actually wanted, but couldn't get before. If I don't nettle, how do I avoid that? THis guy was a bonehead, as evidenced by his comment. But if he had been a better catch, he might have been rejected by a "hot" girl, given you a chance, and felt chemistry with you within a couple dates. Within a month, he could have only eyes for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Look for evidence of interest. Why would you even worry about those thing on initial dates? So what if there is another girl that recently rejected him? He's giving YOU a chance now. Giving me a chance only because I was his runner-up choice. How romantic. And define "lack of evidence of interest." I've had boyfriends do all the typical things that supposedly signal interest, and it still turns out they weren't into me. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 He pursued me in some way (talks to me first, asks for my phone number, contacts me first.) If he's not doing that, he's not into you. That's my usual philosophy, anyway... I've been trying to just "go for it" like guys on LS are constantly complaining girls don't do, and look where it lands me. Since you ignored my last post I'm going to try again. I strongly believe that a girl shouldn't ask out a guy. It's too easy to take advantage of one who does, or as Kaylan said, he just might be looking for a friend. IMO the best thing a girl can do is flirt hard and wait for him to make a move. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Giving me a chance only because I was his runner-up choice. How romantic. And define "lack of evidence of interest." I've had boyfriends do all the typical things that supposedly signal interest, and it still turns out they weren't into me. Okay, you win. You better not go out with any more guys. Unless you and Somedude can connect, because your minds seem to work about the same. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 So how do I be proactive in making sure the guy actually likes me, and isn't dating me out of boredom/desperation/the girl he actually wants turned him down. There's nothing wrong with a having a "(serious) talk about where things are going" with your dating partner or boyfriend/girlfriend where you talk about having a continued future together (or not) what what things are going well and what things aren't. I think what some of are saying is that nettling isn't a positive way to do this. I wouldn't do this on the first few dates (as getting or not getting a subsequent date basically tells you that things are going "ok so far" or "badly") but any other time during a relationship (and even in the dating-but-not-quite-in-a-relationship stage) it's possible to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Okay, you win. You better not go out with any more guys. Unless you and Somedude can connect, because your minds seem to work about the same. Great! Now we're getting somehow. So, how do I stop wanting a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Great! Now we're getting somehow. So, how do I stop wanting a relationship? You masturbate more. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 In other words, if you were a guy, would you want to date verizon? (No matter what she looked like). Not me, obviously! I can barely be civil and keep from gnashing my teeth and rending my garments on the anonymous Internets! Even if I imagine her looking like Greta Garbo! Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Because it's a waste of time. Very rarely can you change people's minds once you form an opinion of you. The guy is either attracted to me, or he's not. Why twist myself into pretzels trying? Ok, so I know we're going in circles here, but if they've already formed an opinion of you (and you're certain that you know this based on their actions/words) then what's the value in this nettling interrogation? Do you enjoy it? They already don't like you, and now they'll be thinking "glad I dodged that bullet". Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Not me, obviously! I can barely be civil and keep from gnashing my teeth and rending my garments on the anonymous Internets! Even if I imagine her looking like Greta Garbo! I think we found the problem, imagine a guy having to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Quote: Originally Posted by verhrzn Great! Now we're getting somehow. So, how do I stop wanting a relationship? You masturbate more. Very astute advice! And keep up the fault finding and nettling. It won't be long before all men are so revolting to you that you would rather be celibate for life than ever have to deal with another one of them. Good luck! You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Great! Now we're getting somehow. So, how do I stop wanting a relationship? Hook up with somedude and you'll never want to see another man again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Hook up with somedude and you'll never want to see another man again.. Somedude, do both of you a big favor and reach out to her. I know she is not your usual type, but she is super cute with amazing boobs and a great figure. I think she's really smart, too. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Somedude, do both of you a big favor and reach out to her. I know she is not your usual type, but she is super cute with amazing boobs and a great figure. I think she's really smart, too. What do you means she's not my usual type? What type do you think I go for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author verhrzn Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Ok, so I know we're going in circles here, but if they've already formed an opinion of you (and you're certain that you know this based on their actions/words) then what's the value in this nettling interrogation? Do you enjoy it? They already don't like you, and now they'll be thinking "glad I dodged that bullet". Because THEY may know they don't like me, but I don't know it! That's my whole point... I nettle when I don't know for sure. If I DO know for sure, I don't bother. I nettle in situations where a guy is supposedly acting in all the ways he should, but he also makes comments or there are little signs (no big red flags, just small "Hmm" things) that seems suspect. So I nettle, and usually find out it's a thread of a whole tapestry of "he doesn't really like me." If a guy clearly doesn't like me, then it makes even less sense why I would try to convince to find me attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 What do you means she's not my usual type? What type do you think I go for? I have read your threads and seen some pictures you posted; I think they were blondes. Whatever. V is very cute. Everybody (except her) thinks so. Link to post Share on other sites
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