kkbb Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I live with my boyfriend and read a conversation between him and his best girl friend. I realize I should have never done this but now I'm stuck. Basically he wrote that he thinks I'm cute but that he is very attracted to other girls and it feels like he is getting teased all day long (but would never go outside of our relationship) He also said the girls he's attracted to all have the same style clothes and that he wishes I dressed more like them. (Admittingly, I dont have style at all... I have been supporting us for 6 months so I dont have the $ and I'm just downright horrible at shopping) He feels like could do better "physically" and I just feel really confused and hurt. How am I supposed to act like I don't know he feels like this now? I mean, I keep thinking to myself, well yeah I could get a hotter bf too (tall, muscular, etc) and one who is more financially sound..... but my ego is bruised and this on top of our relationship issues makes me feel like maybe our relationship is doomed. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I live with my boyfriend and read a conversation between him and his best girl friend. I realize I should have never done this but now I'm stuck. Basically he wrote that he thinks I'm cute but that he is very attracted to other girls and it feels like he is getting teased all day long (but would never go outside of our relationship) He also said the girls he's attracted to all have the same style clothes and that he wishes I dressed more like them. (Admittingly, I dont have style at all... I have been supporting us for 6 months so I dont have the $ and I'm just downright horrible at shopping) He feels like could do better "physically" and I just feel really confused and hurt. How am I supposed to act like I don't know he feels like this now? I mean, I keep thinking to myself, well yeah I could get a hotter bf too (tall, muscular, etc) and one who is more financially sound..... but my ego is bruised and this on top of our relationship issues makes me feel like maybe our relationship is doomed. What should I do? I advocate honesty and openness in relationships, so I would advise you to tell your bf the truth, apologize for reading this message, try to explain why you did it, and express a desire to learn from what is bothering him and see if you two can make your R stronger. Maybe your R is doomed, maybe he won't forgive you for the invasion of privacy, but keeping this secret sounds like a recipe for failure and yet another negative thing in your R. There is a chance that with the kind of open discussion this could stimulate, that your R could improve. What you can do to make that most likely is be open and honest and try to see things from his perspective, while also trying to communicate accurately your own needs and concerns. I think if you were honest and this were to end your R, that it was not going to be a mutually supportive, lasting R in any case. I think honesty is the best shot you have at that. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Knowing me, if I'm supporting you, we have other problems, and now I read that you feel like you could do better....then I'd leave you to do just that! The truth is: EVERYONE deserves someone who thinks they're all that! Every man I've been with, I thought was all that and then some. Perhaps later on, or post-breakup I no longer felt that way, but while dating them I didn't feel like I settled or like I wish they were hotter or something-else-er and I didn't complain about them. Relationships are hard, even when good...further more, when you add the element of someone not truly being happy with you as is. I agree with woinlove. You already know the truth, so apologize for reading the conversation and have a discussion. The fact that you were lead to read his conversation and the fact that you found this, does speak to the fact that the relationship is rocky already, adding in you supporting him and what have you. How old are you guys, if you don't mind sharing? Anyway, I have no clue how you overcome your man feeling this way...I personally wouldn't try to overcome it, but move on to someone who appreciates me as is. If you want to change your style, do so for you....not for some man. As trust me, no matter who you are and how you dress, there is SOMEONE out there who likes it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I advocate honesty and openness in relationships, so I would advise you to tell your bf the truth, apologize for reading this message, try to explain why you did it, and express a desire to learn from what is bothering him and see if you two can make your R stronger. Maybe your R is doomed, maybe he won't forgive you for the invasion of privacy, but keeping this secret sounds like a recipe for failure and yet another negative thing in your R. There is a chance that with the kind of open discussion this could stimulate, that your R could improve. What you can do to make that most likely is be open and honest and try to see things from his perspective, while also trying to communicate accurately your own needs and concerns. I think if you were honest and this were to end your R, that it was not going to be a mutually supportive, lasting R in any case. I think honesty is the best shot you have at that. +1 Woinlove is absolutely dead on.. Great Post Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Knowing me, if I'm supporting you, we have other problems, and now I read that you feel like you could do better....then I'd leave you to do just that! The truth is: EVERYONE deserves someone who thinks they're all that! Every man I've been with, I thought was all that and then some. Perhaps later on, or post-breakup I no longer felt that way, but while dating them I didn't feel like I settled or like I wish they were hotter or something-else-er and I didn't complain about them. Relationships are hard, even when good...further more, when you add the element of someone not truly being happy with you as is. I agree with woinlove. You already know the truth, so apologize for reading the conversation and have a discussion. The fact that you were lead to read his conversation and the fact that you found this, does speak to the fact that the relationship is rocky already, adding in you supporting him and what have you. How old are you guys, if you don't mind sharing? Anyway, I have no clue how you overcome your man feeling this way...I personally wouldn't try to overcome it, but move on to someone who appreciates me as is. If you want to change your style, do so for you....not for some man. As trust me, no matter who you are and how you dress, there is SOMEONE out there who likes it. ^^^^What she saud^^^^ I'll first also add that your BF seems very superficial and that's not an attractive trait IMO...people should see the beauty inside and outside of others...it seems like all he cares about is how u look on his arm...only cares about what others think...so he's superficial and selfish...which are common traits of CS's...so run honey...next...there's plenty of other fish in the see who will treat u like a queen...not talk to his GIRLfriends about what u are lacking (in his shallow eyes)...shallow...another CS qualify... Secondly...take my advice from my own horrible experience...don't support him...ever...you will live to regret him...and then u will cheat...just like me... Good Luck... Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 ^^^^What she saud^^^^ I'll first also add that your BF seems very superficial and that's not an attractive trait IMO...people should see the beauty inside and outside of others...it seems like all he cares about is how u look on his arm...only cares about what others think...so he's superficial and selfish...which are common traits of CS's...so run honey...next...there's plenty of other fish in the see who will treat u like a queen...not talk to his GIRLfriends about what u are lacking (in his shallow eyes)...shallow...another CS qualify... Secondly...take my advice from my own horrible experience...don't support him...ever...you will live to regret him...and then u will cheat...just like me... Good Luck... Exactly! And worse...you're supporting him, I mean he should be looking at you as a Queen right now for doing that! But no, he's being superficial and ungrateful and my honest first instinct is to tell you to move on with your life. This doesn't seem like a great relationship. You didn't say your other issues...but I am not surprised you have other issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Stellar Wench Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 tell him and then show him the door, since he thinks he can find someone else more physically appealing and wears better clothes. ridiculous jerk. let someone else support him and pay his cell phone bill^^^This^^^ What a freeloading chicken****. Also tell him when he has a problem with his next girlfriend, to discuss it with his girlfriend instead of like a little schoolgirl behind her back. You are better off without someone who is so disrespectful to you. You deserve better and you know it! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 ... I have been supporting us for 6 months so I dont have the $ What should I do? Attire and Snooping are the least of your worries. What you should do is start buying him newspapers and writing down job sites. Then when he starts making money he can buy you all the attire he wishes you wore. Link to post Share on other sites
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