setsenia Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Who all changed their last name here? Who didn't? I kept my last name when we married, because I really like my last name and don't feel it's necessary to change my last name to show my commitment to my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I fought a name change tooth and nail. I eventually hyphenated, then dropped my maiden name and took his. Luckily, his was as good (okay, it was better) than mine so once I became comfortable with the idea, it was cake. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I didn't change mine. I don't see the point. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 After two times changing her surname (and changing it back after D), my exW decided not to change her surname for our M. I concurred. Smart move on her part, as it turned out. I'm 'traditional' in many aspects of marriage, but fully support women's choices with their surname, especially these days where many are known professionally by their existing name. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I've never cared for my last name. Maybe we'd both change to a third name. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I didn't change mine. A large part of that was because I'm professionally known by my maiden name, which I've published under. And my name is more unusual than his, so from a branding and Google-ranking standpoint, it's better to keep mine. I floated the idea with my H, though, because I didn't want him to be upset about it - if he'd had a strong opinion about it I would have taken that into account. But his response was "why would you do that?" So, problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I changed mine, I never had any problems with it. I'm very traditional and looked forward to changing my last name to my husbands. It's also very important to me to have everyone in the family have the same surname (when children come into the picture). My husband told me when we first started dating that it would be a dealbreaker for him if his perspective wife wanted to keep her maiden name. He's very traditional as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I kept my name. I love my name, it's got great flow, and it connects me to my past. It's a name I've used professionally. I was the last bearer of it, at least in my branch of the family...there are other branches, but while we know they exist we do not know them personally, they are quite distant. My husband didn't care so it's not anything we ever wrangled over. He has a bevy of sisters and half of them kept their last names when they married, the other half chose to hyphenate. What I did do, because I wanted to, was take his last name as my 2nd middle name. Not many people even know about it--they wouldn't, unless I told them, obviously. It's like a romantic secret. It does mean that everyone in our little family has the same name, it's just not in the same place for all of us. It actually improves the flow of my name. And it makes my name a little closer to my son's; he has a hyphenated last name, both of our names together. My SD also has a hyphenated last name, my husband's and her mother's. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I changed mine, his name is better than my maiden name which is far too common and boring. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 My first marriage.... it did not last very long and whilst I changed my name, I had not changed my name with various 3rd parties before we split - we drifted on the name changing with "officials" My second ( and now ) marriage - I changed my name and set about changing my name with banks etc immediately - no hesitation, no questions asked, no doubt at all. Married now over 16 years Whilst I do not believe that a woman's change of name reflects the chance of success of the marriage, I think it can sometimes be indicative of the likelihood of success. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Whilst I do not believe that a woman's change of name reflects the chance of success of the marriage, I think it can sometimes be indicative of the likelihood of success. Or the attitude about the marriage in general. That's not to say that women who do not change their name are not fully invested in their marriages or don't want to be married. I guess I just always thought that it was special, like becoming a family unit and having that "bond." Everyone is different though I suppose! Link to post Share on other sites
sandra10 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 If you are not comfortable in changing your name, then no one can force you to change it, if your partner truly loves you, then he has to accept you with your name, changing a name doesn't change a person. Your love for him will always be there, and it will definitely grow more in the future, so he should understand and respect your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 If you are not comfortable in changing your name, then no one can force you to change it, if your partner truly loves you, then he has to accept you with your name, changing a name doesn't change a person. I don't think I agree with that, it's not a question of love, it's a question of compatibility. In theory a partner should accept everything about you if they truly love you, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the reality these days... Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I don't think I could date a guy who would find something as a name change essential to making a lasting relationship. If a man told me not changing my name would be a deal-breaker, I'd tell him I don't know how I could possibly date someone who's too chauvinistic to let me make my own decisions. So you're saying if you're with the guy several years and all of a sudden he pops the question and you're not willing to change your name, he'll leave you? I think there's much more to a relationship than a surname or title. That seems rather shallow. I know my husband would like me to change my last name, but he said he really doesn't mind either way and that it's up to me. To me, marriage is about two individuals declaring their love for one another and no one should have to change their identities to prove that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I once married into a famous cult-religion family and was sorry I changed my name. Couldn't wait to change it back when I got divorced (think Old Mother H......). Now, 20+ years later, I have a well-established art career following and if I got married again, I would not change my name and risk losing that PR branding. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Who all changed their last name here? Who didn't? I kept my last name when we married, because I really like my last name and don't feel it's necessary to change my last name to show my commitment to my husband. I'm having a hard time deciding, but am leaning towards not changing it. I'd have to change paperwork in two different countries, and my name is connected to my work. Years ago, my fiance said he didn't really care, but when we talked about it a few months ago after becoming engaged, he said he'd like me to change it but wouldn't press the issue if I didn't want to. Our families are both traditional, but I'm very attached to my own name. It's who I am and it connects me to my family and my past. I wouldn't mind being referred to as "Mrs. Whatsherface" in informal situations, but I'd like to legally keep my name. I don't think it says a single thing about someone's level of commitment. I'm sure we've all seen plenty of quickie marriages that didn't last more than 5 years where the woman was giddy and excited about becoming Mrs. Husbandsname. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Changed my last name with the first marriage and that was a mistake so with my current marriage, didn't change my last name. A name is meaningless. Your commitment is meaningful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Who all changed their last name here? Who didn't? I kept my last name when we married, because I really like my last name and don't feel it's necessary to change my last name to show my commitment to my husband. Hmm where im from you can choose to keep yours and just add his.. I'd do that if I were you and of course if its possible where you live. Like Angelina Jolie-Pitt, or you can do it the other way around like Pitt-Jolie. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I graciously took my then husbands' surname. When divorce was on the table..he actually said...I'd like my name back...I said- You already have it...and unless its trade marked I can use that name or any other name for that matter. I kept the surname for traditional reasons...Never wanted my kids to endure the confusion that teachers and students would press upon them....I came from that environment that "divorced" children were to be shunned... I do not think that the last name is direly important til it comes to naming the children and giving them a final name to go by...One of my friends did the hyphen thing then when she had her first child..she told her hubby if its a boy...it can have your surname...if its a girl...it wont matter as much...she'll marry and hyphen it I said...Imagine how long Liz Taylors would be if she kept all her marital names...what a long hypenated name that would be!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I don't think it says a single thing about someone's level of commitment. I'm sure we've all seen plenty of quickie marriages that didn't last more than 5 years where the woman was giddy and excited about becoming Mrs. Husbandsname. I definitely agree! One of the reasons I wasn't so quick to change my name is that I married at 19 and wasn't sure for the longest time. I've been married nearly 4 years now and decided that I'll be keeping my name. Link to post Share on other sites
The Non-Student Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 One thing that bothers me about the tradition of a woman changing her name is that it puts all of the pressure on her. Why do we assume that a woman has to decide to change her name or keep it? I've rarely, if ever, heard a man asked what he would do about his name. It's assumed he'll keep it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 One thing that bothers me about the tradition of a woman changing her name is that it puts all of the pressure on her. Why do we assume that a woman has to decide to change her name or keep it? I've rarely, if ever, heard a man asked what he would do about his name. It's assumed he'll keep it. I actually have heard of some men changing their name! A friend that I worked with legally changed her name when she was younger because of family reasons and her husband decided to change his last name to her's and their children have her last name! He wanted them all to have the same name, but he knew how much her name meant to her since she had picked it out herself. I don't think it's very common though, I think the tradition is still pretty dominant. At least now it's not as "required" for the women to change her name. In the old days a woman was perceived as odd or weird if she chose to keep her maiden name. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I actually have heard of some men changing their name! I know a few of those, too, but it's not exactly common. I also know a couple who chose a third name (i.e. not his surname and not hers, but a different one that they mutually decided upon). Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I graciously took my then husbands' surname. When divorce was on the table..he actually said...I'd like my name back...I said- You already have it...and unless its trade marked I can use that name or any other name for that matter. :lmao: Best post today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted February 27, 2012 Author Share Posted February 27, 2012 Yeah, my husband's cousin and his wife each hyphenated their names, adding on each other's last name. I'll have to ask what they did when their daughter was born. Link to post Share on other sites
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