foolishlover Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Im not sure if anyone has followed my previous posts, but i have been on this draining on and off relationship. Today was his bday and i had a cake ordered to be sent to his workplace. (i couldnt cancel as it was ordered before our massive blowout). He never said we broke up but he just refused to talk to me for a whole week after i found out that he cheated on me. Anyway, not only was he not appreciative of the cake, when he called, i brought up the topic of why he disappeared for a week. And he said that he didnt call because he didnt want to discuss our issues and that i just ruined his day. I said the silent treatment is cruel and i told him i find it hard to deal with and his response was "Deal with it. I can choose to react however i want. I was always like that before i met you and im going back to it. i can do what i want. You are just too dramatic" Anyway, crux of the message is that I feel ive made many attempts to reach out to him. I am at no fault aswell. The argument arose because I found out that he was cheating, so i have no idea why he is being all mean and angry towards me rather than being apologetic. Im sick of being sad, sick of thinking and analysing what his messages truly mean, and just sick of being treated like nothing. Just needed to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 To me if he cheated, that's a deal breaker. The reason he is being mean and angry toward you is because he doesn't care about you. I don't mean to be harsh, but it is what it is. Another reason they are mean is because they want to continue their cheating, but you are an obstacle to it. He cheated and you ruined his day? He is a selfish SOB. He doesn't deserve you. Try to drop this loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 you are better off without a douche-bag like that. What an ass. Move on girl. Go N/C. He deserves no more of your understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolishlover Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 i always thought cheating would be a deal breaker...but when it happened to me, i found myself compromising. I guess he is also really good with his words. He managed to turn it all to me. WHen i found out he cheated, i said things like i hate you, how could you do this to me. He said he is giving me the silent treatment because i said that i hate him. Why would he want to talk to someone who hates you. But im thinking, thats not the main problem. It all arose from your lies. And now he has turned the tables onto me! But enough is enough. I cant sit and pine and hope he will change. I admit i have moments of weakness and talking to him today was one of them. But today it really felt that he has drifted so far away and that he isnt someone i recognise anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Typical response from a coward - you found out he lied and cheated and instead of dealing with it, accepting fault and trying to work things out, he fires it right back at you. Sadly some people always act like this - it's as if they feel they never do any wrong and even when they do, they convince themselves it's someone elses fault. You can never argue with people like this as they already fully believe they're right, end of. No matter how hurt you've been before, now is the time to totally cut him out of your life. I would bet he'll come crawling back at some point, but even then, he won't admit fault (he may say sorry, but it won't be real). Stay strong and find someone who's worthy of your love... and your cakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Magda70 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 And he said that he didnt call because he didnt want to discuss our issues and that i just ruined his day. I said the silent treatment is cruel and i told him i find it hard to deal with and his response was "Deal with it. I can choose to react however i want. I was always like that before i met you and im going back to it. i can do what i want. You are just too dramatic" Another hypothesis of his unemphatic behavior - besides those already suggested - is that he is going through a guilt trip. This does not make him less cruel but what it might be... A psycologist would say he is emotional immature...but i understand and am with you no matter the causes, it hurts like hell anyhow.... Been there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolishlover Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Typical response from a coward - you found out he lied and cheated and instead of dealing with it, accepting fault and trying to work things out, he fires it right back at you. Sadly some people always act like this - it's as if they feel they never do any wrong and even when they do, they convince themselves it's someone elses fault. You can never argue with people like this as they already fully believe they're right, end of. I absolutely agree with you. He is never able to see his wrongs and it always becomes my fault. It was my fault that he felt that I judged him for getting drunk at a club, so he said he had no other choice than to lie and go out to a club by himself and exchange numbers with other people. Its my fault for being dramatic after finding out he lied to me for the last 6 months. At first I would hope he would regret it and come crawling back. But now i feel ive grown so distant, that i dont recognise this man anymore that even if he did come back, i wouldnt want him. But it is upsetting somewhat when he seems like he is going along fine and that this doesnt phase him at all. i want him to feel remorse, but what good does that do. I cant take these lies anymore and wanting an answer will be too much to ask. He will never be truthful and upfront and have the courage to give me the closure i need. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocollective Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Definitely move on! Trust me, there are OTHER people out there. You have gone above and beyond an effort with this person but clearly that door needs to close. Good on you for deciding to move on! My 2cs Rich Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 He will feel remorse, but it will be so locked and hidden away inside him that he will never show it. There'll be some reason for this attitude, maybe he feels showing regret or sorrow is a sign of weakness, something stemming from his upbringing, who knows. The fact is, you can't ever expect him to come round and say sorry or even feel down about it in public, it won't happen because he's not that type of person. In reality, because he's like that, he's avoiding a lot of emotion in his life and this will affect people around him (like it has you) and eventually a lot of people will tire of his attitude... so where as a quick "sorry" often solves most problems, he'll never do that and so never solve the problems he occasionally causes. In other words, there's better guys out there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolishlover Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 He will feel remorse, but it will be so locked and hidden away inside him that he will never show it. There'll be some reason for this attitude, maybe he feels showing regret or sorrow is a sign of weakness, something stemming from his upbringing, who knows. The fact is, you can't ever expect him to come round and say sorry or even feel down about it in public, it won't happen because he's not that type of person. In reality, because he's like that, he's avoiding a lot of emotion in his life and this will affect people around him (like it has you) and eventually a lot of people will tire of his attitude... so where as a quick "sorry" often solves most problems, he'll never do that and so never solve the problems he occasionally causes. In other words, there's better guys out there for you. Thank you smudge. You really seem to hit the nail on the head. I do believe he is a person who will never ever admit fault and will turn the tables so quickly onto me. There is no point in engaging cause I always end up crying and that is such a bad look. Bad thing about me is...im not a person who holds grudges. I get over things very quickly in time no matter how bad someone hurt me...so i am scared he will lure me back in a month or so and i just hope i dont have moments of weakness. The only way i can stay strong is to stay angry at him, but i hate having anger! Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Im not sure if anyone has followed my previous posts, but i have been on this draining on and off relationship. Today was his bday and i had a cake ordered to be sent to his workplace. (i couldnt cancel as it was ordered before our massive blowout). He never said we broke up but he just refused to talk to me for a whole week after i found out that he cheated on me. Anyway, not only was he not appreciative of the cake, when he called, i brought up the topic of why he disappeared for a week. And he said that he didnt call because he didnt want to discuss our issues and that i just ruined his day. I said the silent treatment is cruel and i told him i find it hard to deal with and his response was "Deal with it. I can choose to react however i want. I was always like that before i met you and im going back to it. i can do what i want. You are just too dramatic" Anyway, crux of the message is that I feel ive made many attempts to reach out to him. I am at no fault aswell. The argument arose because I found out that he was cheating, so i have no idea why he is being all mean and angry towards me rather than being apologetic. Im sick of being sad, sick of thinking and analysing what his messages truly mean, and just sick of being treated like nothing. Just needed to vent. Many years ago, I made a cake for a man I was dating. I was supposed to meet him and I was very late. Finally, I arrived with the surprise cake. I thought we could go somewhere and celebrate his birthday. But because I was so late, he missed out on doing something...I think it was spending time with his daughter. He was very angry at me and because I assumed he would like cake. He did not want it and accused me of trying to feed him pork. Then he took me by my wrist and dragged me for twenty blocks. This is a true story. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 i am so sorry for how cold, he turned on u. u are not a lone. we feel this anguish alone...but in truth you are not alone and others have gone before you. i know thats no consolation....but he is a jerk. a lot of us can relate to this song. your sombody that i used to know. read the words. know that things will get better. hard to believe..but first you have to accept that they are gone somehow. good luck and God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolishlover Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) MOMENT OF WEAKNESS !!! NEED TO VENT So like i said, im a softy and cant foster anger and hate for prolonged periods of time. I obviously think of him a lot and the final arguments we had. I mean I was furious that I found out he was cheating on me for 6 months and yelling back at me aswell. But i said mean things to like "i hate you!" and looking back, i shouldnt have said such hurtful things when i still in fact love him and dont hate him. I guess I just feel awful that he saw such an ugly side of me, my disgusting reaction in finding out his lies. I should have handled it with more maturity and less emotion. However, I look back and dont think...oooo i wish he would come back or i wish i wasnt that mean so that he would love me again. I just feel like...mistakes have been made on both parts...its irreparable...learn from it...slowly move on... I think im losing the dependancy i had with him and slowly seeing that this time apart has lead me to find myself again and focus on myself...that you know what, im gonna be ok and i dont need him to be happy. Oh and i totally forgot the reason for this post...im having a moment of weakness and want to message him saying im sorry for reacting so poorly. YES/NO??? Edited February 16, 2012 by foolishlover Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 NO! Any contact is bad contact. It will only make you feel much worse than you already do. He cheated and you're feeling bad... WTF? Sorry to sound harsh here but I think you need telling - stop being so weak and take back all the power you've clearly given him. If you contact him and say sorry, you might as well lay on the floor and allow him to physically walk all over you. No relationship can work without respect and he has none for you, he proved that when he cheated, when he decided you weren't good enough and thought so little of you that when confronted he spat it back in your face and made you feel so worthless. You're better than that and worth more than you know. Stop acting like a victim and start becoming the hero. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 (edited) MOMENT OF WEAKNESS !!! NEED TO VENT So like i said, im a softy and cant foster anger and hate for prolonged periods of time. I obviously think of him a lot and the final arguments we had. I mean I was furious that I found out he was cheating on me for 6 months and yelling back at me aswell. But i said mean things to like "i hate you!" and looking back, i shouldnt have said such hurtful things when i still in fact love him and dont hate him. I guess I just feel awful that he saw such an ugly side of me, my disgusting reaction in finding out his lies. I should have handled it with more maturity and less emotion. However, I look back and dont think...oooo i wish he would come back or i wish i wasnt that mean so that he would love me again. I just feel like...mistakes have been made on both parts...its irreparable...learn from it...slowly move on... I think im losing the dependancy i had with him and slowly seeing that this time apart has lead me to find myself again and focus on myself...that you know what, im gonna be ok and i dont need him to be happy. Oh and i totally forgot the reason for this post...im having a moment of weakness and want to message him saying im sorry for reacting so poorly. YES/NO??? I want to fly wherever you are and shake you. HE CHEATED ON YOU! How would anyone act when they find out that they have been betrayed? The man cheats on you and treats you badly and you feel the need to alleviate his bad feelings by apologizing for your outburst? He doesn't even care to apologize for your bad feelings. Stop confusing being good natured with being a doormat. It's one thing not to harbour hate and anger, and to forgive but it is another to use that as an excuse to appease the feelings of someone that clearly is not deserving. Besides, only a week has passed and your anger and feelings of betrayal have so soon been forgotten? Apologizing to him will only show him that you have no boundaries, no self respect and you will tolerate almost anything for love's sake. Edited February 16, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts