Million.to.1 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 So I'm not sure if 'second chances' is the right place... but oh well. So it's a once or twice thing.. every couple of years. Like clockwork. For half my life. I suppose you could call it a FWB type thing... Sort of. He is a pretty amazing guy. The sex is fantastic. He is almost, I hate to say it, out of my league. Not that i believe in leagues really.. but he has had a pretty privileged up bringing and has made the most of his opportunities. He has never really seemed interested in pursuing anything more than just casual spontaneous good times when we met up in the past.. and that's been just fine. I have always let him call the shots. So... it's been awhile... maybe 2 years or so.. and he contacts me the week before last on FB saying we should catch up. i was surprised and flattered. I'm also only a couple of months out of a relationship and was happy for a familiar and safe distraction. We cook some food at his amazing new place, head out to some stand-up comedy and then back to his. It's always a bit awkward at first.. seeing who will make the first move. It's kinda silly. Anyway, out for breakfast and off i skip home. Today was valentines day. He txts me... "so are we going to do that again at some stage or was that a one off? " I made a joke about having to wait a couple of years. So.. after some txting back and forth, I'm seeing him tomorrow. He mentioned maybe coming to a festival i'm going to on the weekend also. I know this is a really weird situation as we have known each other for so long. Before we were young, traveling, in and out of relationships... now we are more settled, and live pretty close by. I would really appreciate some advice from older guys.. Surly someone you have been seeing on and off since you were a teenager and now your in your mid-thirties you would have a certain soft spot for, am I right? I would like to make it a bit more of a regular thing. I'm not really looking for a relationship with him.. as i explained, he's a bit amazing for me. But i really want to make this a bit more than just a once off every few years. I thought i was a little weird he txt me on Valentines day for a casual though. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I am not an older man but I can say without a doubt that your thoughts are accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Cheers Joe. Accurate? Anyone else??? Link to post Share on other sites
whatisloveorg Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I think you should go for it, see what happens if he back ups then you know he's not interested Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 if he back ups then you know he's not interested Backs up? We are basically just meeting up for a pleasant evening of dinner wine and sex. I don't want to play games. Should i talk to him about it or just keep everything light and hope it's something he wants on a regular basis too.... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I would really appreciate some advice from older guys.. Surly someone you have been seeing on and off since you were a teenager and now your in your mid-thirties you would have a certain soft spot for, am I right? I would like to make it a bit more of a regular thing. I'm not really looking for a relationship with him.. as i explained, he's a bit amazing for me. But i really want to make this a bit more than just a once off every few years. I thought i was a little weird he txt me on Valentines day for a casual though. Thoughts? Yes, you'd definitely have "a certain soft spot for" such a person. Do you ever get anywhere in situations where you just stop and ASK him directly about his relationship ideals, and perhaps, also, about specifics relating to his past relationships and what did them in??? IF there is something significant, or the potential for same there, you don't want to lose it with the frame of mind that says "he's a bit amazing for (you)". Maybe you're eligible in his mind... and maybe you'd need only express authentic interest to at least cause him to entertain the realistic possibility. Why don't you boldly bring about some truly personal conversations with him... about his relationship ideals??? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I think that you have nothing to lose by "going for it" with this guy. I think he has more than a carnal interest. Your instinct is right here. Call him tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Yes, you'd definitely have "a certain soft spot for" such a person. Do you ever get anywhere in situations where you just stop and ASK him directly about his relationship ideals, and perhaps, also, about specifics relating to his past relationships and what did them in??? IF there is something significant, or the potential for same there, you don't want to lose it with the frame of mind that says "he's a bit amazing for (you)". Maybe you're eligible in his mind... and maybe you'd need only express authentic interest to at least cause him to entertain the realistic possibility. Why don't you boldly bring about some truly personal conversations with him... about his relationship ideals??? Um.. I have never entertained the idea myself of a relationship with him because i guess i assumed he'd never want one with me. I suppose i can't take the past into consideration too much. Try and be fresh with it? I don't want to freak him out by talking about relationships at this stage. Basically Im aiming for a 3rd 4th 5th ... 10th meet up. Always in the past Its been Just once or twice and then nothing for 2 years ish. He seemed a bit offended when i joked about waiting for 2 years... I wouldn't except him to take me seriously. I assumed that he would know that I am always keen to see him, if no- one else is in the picture. (which there never has been timing wise) Should i ask him to come with me to the festival? It's a camping 3 day music art thing and we have dozens of people we know going.. it's a big event. I don't want to set myself up for rejection. I guess that is why I don't want to force anything to heavy or too "we are dating" cause we aren't. I like being his dirty sexual fantasy girl anyway, and I don't want him to think I want more and then him back off... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Call him tomorrow. I'm seeing him tonight. We arranged that when we spoke. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Um.. I have never entertained the idea myself of a relationship with him because i guess i assumed he'd never want one with me. I suppose i can't take the past into consideration too much. Try and be fresh with it? I don't want to freak him out by talking about relationships at this stage. Basically Im aiming for a 3rd 4th 5th ... 10th meet up. Always in the past Its been Just once or twice and then nothing for 2 years ish. He seemed a bit offended when i joked about waiting for 2 years... I wouldn't except him to take me seriously. I assumed that he would know that I am always keen to see him, if no- one else is in the picture. (which there never has been timing wise) Should i ask him to come with me to the festival? It's a camping 3 day music art thing and we have dozens of people we know going.. it's a big event. I don't want to set myself up for rejection. I guess that is why I don't want to force anything to heavy or too "we are dating" cause we aren't. I like being his dirty sexual fantasy girl anyway, and I don't want him to think I want more and then him back off... Yes, invite him! It isn't as if it presents an awkward situation in terms of sleeping arrangements. Whatever the details there, you'll work them out comfortably. The, uhhhh, seeming 'defeatist attidude' in your opening paragraph here is worrisome. You're already at a point where you know that he sees you as a bang-able woman, and you're already comfortable enough with that element of your shared interest in one another. Maybe some of your vibes ARE taking root within him, and he is as hesitant to try to get any further as you are to even imagine such a thing. Furthermore, why can't YOU initiate the occasional booty call long before 2 years go by? A woman making it clear what she wants is a comforting thing to lots of guys... take your chances Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Furthermore, why can't YOU initiate the occasional booty call long before 2 years go by? A woman making it clear what she wants is a comforting thing to lots of guys... take your chances I have done once before. We arranged to met up on boxing day the Xmas before last. He "rain-checked" on the day saying he had had an emotional xmas day... and after a month i gave up waiting. I'll work on the defeatist attitude. Seems to following me around a bit at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 So, he is going to come to the festival this weekend. We had some crazy philosophical discussions last night. And talk about relationships a bit too.... I didn't bring it up, he did. He was a little concerned about seeing his ex there who is performing. He kinda poured his heart out to me about it. I'm in the same boat with my recent Ex going to. It was an interesting chat. I think it was helpful to him. I think I am going to have to watch myself. With him being so "amazing" I really need to keep myself in check and not get carried away. It's hard when someone bears their soul to you so easily. Guess that comes with knowing someone for 16 years... alot of the pretense has gone. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's gonna be OK... Keep your chin up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 It's gonna be OK... Keep your chin up! You are awesome. BTW.. love your name alongside the unfitting avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) So just an update... Had a great time at the festival. mucho fun-ness! In fact I think we bonded quite a bit. Hmmmmmmmmm. So he stayed with me at the 2 day festival, I went back to his after for a night, seen him again once since then, and seeing him tomorrow. This is the most we have ever hung out. We chat quite a bit and we also play word games together throughout the day. Words with friends, hanging, scramble. It's kinda like we are dating, almost. We had some pretty deep chats about his ex of 6 years who he broke up with 3 years ago and is still kinda dealing with it on a certain level. Seems like a long time to move on IMO but each to their own. Maybe that is why he has been pretty emotionally unavailable in the past... we would hook up when he was in a "break-up" period with her. Go figure. I never knew this though. He has been pretty different this time round. He actually sees me. He is enjoying me. I really don't want to blow this. I don't want to lose what we have... but there is a possibility for more. I think. Maybe. I don't know. How should I proceed? I mean, should I let him do the chasing? He so isn't a game playing guy but it's still early (well, for this round) and I don't want to blow it, or get hurt, so I need an action plan. Because I'm implusive and crazy and need some rules. Please give me some rules. Edited February 24, 2012 by Million.to.1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Million.to.1 Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 Bump. Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
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