Buttercup84 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 My ex and I were together for two years and lived together , I am 27 he is 31 . He ended it with me twice , final time in July . He called me a fcking retard when we were together , said I never listen to him , that I embaress him when we go out for dinner because I never finish my meals . He was agressiv towards our real estate agent , made me call the police over another agent and had a dating profile while we were together I later found out . 7 months later I get this email http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t312619/ wanting me back and saying he regrets ending it etc A day later he changes his mind and does not contact me until I do two weeks later . He was polite and now he says I never listend to him and he feels bad for emailing me because I won't get better.He said he moved across the country and I should have known that and I am not anknowleding that he is depressed etc . He put me through hell and I am so attached to him with no self esteem and I am hurting so much . I was stupid enough to believe him then he tore my heart out again and I am so so depressed I cant cope . He was just so horrible to me when we were together and he still has a hold of me I can't take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 You seem to have always known you were abused. You have all of the information you need to make the correct decision based on how you were treated, but you are still too attached to let go of things. The rest of his actions do not matter. He may be going through the motions like any other ex, but this is a case of abuse with a person who treated you poorly. He has shattered your self esteem and you really need to work on getting that back. What do you feel that you are worth? What I see is a very sweet person with the ability to love deeply, that someone is going to feel very lucky to have. You just need to look at yourself from a clear set of eyes and let go of the view that was forced upon you during the relationship. You deserve wonderful things in this world and you need to belive that too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 You have to break the attachment, only you can. Otherwise he will keep doing this over and over again. People like this have no concern about the pain they cause others, you must back completely away from this. Never answer another email, phone call, anything from him, never listen to another word that comes out of his mouth. He is like poison. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 What you need right now is to either go to a therapist, to learn to love yourself, or to read some books on abuse so you can recognize what you're going through. No person who can call another a 'fcking retard' is capable of love. He never loved you. He just wanted you because you served a purpose while you were there. Once you no longer served that purpose, he got rid of you. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I hate that term retard. I just bothers me soo much. It's cruel on all sides- to the person people say it to, and to the mentally challenged people in this world. That word is thrown around all the time and anyone who uses it just turns me off! Buttercup, you have people in the forum who care about you. You are not alone. We care about you, buttercup. We care! Link to post Share on other sites
Marchio Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Everytime he calls you a name and you don't stand up for yourself you'll find a little bit of it sticks until one day you find you have absorbed all those insults and believe yourself to be that useless person he has been labeling you. Walk away before he takes away all your self respect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I agree. Sounds like good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 How are you feeling today Buttercup? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 So sorry to hear to this. He sounds horrible. Read back over your post, what would you say to a friend of yours who partner treated her like your partner treated you? I took abuse years ago from one man, and knew I'd never stand for it again. I've had low self esteem all my life, but I'm still lucky enough to have enough self esteem to not put up with any nasty cr*p now. My partner would be out the door if he called me a name like that, or said that I embarrass him. Have you any support there? Please ask for help, and have no more contact with this man. (((((hugs))))) My ex and I were together for two years and lived together , I am 27 he is 31 . He ended it with me twice , final time in July . He called me a fcking retard when we were together , said I never listen to him , that I embaress him when we go out for dinner because I never finish my meals . He was agressiv towards our real estate agent , made me call the police over another agent and had a dating profile while we were together I later found out . 7 months later I get this email I am so stupid - LoveShack.org Community Forums wanting me back and saying he regrets ending it etc A day later he changes his mind and does not contact me until I do two weeks later . He was polite and now he says I never listend to him and he feels bad for emailing me because I won't get better.He said he moved across the country and I should have known that and I am not anknowleding that he is depressed etc . He put me through hell and I am so attached to him with no self esteem and I am hurting so much . I was stupid enough to believe him then he tore my heart out again and I am so so depressed I cant cope . He was just so horrible to me when we were together and he still has a hold of me I can't take it. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Buttercup! do not nuture a masochist streak, seriously - instead just walk away from the whole sorry saga. I'm an assertive person which ppl don't always like which leaves me with plenty agreeable ppl in my life just put this unsavoury chapter away and avoid any other control freaks at all costs live'n'learn Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Definitely. I think I am going to get some books about how to spot a control freak so I know next time in the beginning. Sometimes it's hard to tell until you are knee deep into the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Hi, I am also a ****ing retard, psycho, animal, dweeb, insecure...oh, I forget all the lovely monikers I was given, but just wanted you to know you are not alone in being someone's emotional punching bag. I have learned that it's him and not you. You just happened to be in his line of fire. What you love and miss is the good/fake part he showed you to lure you in. Once you were in, he could let down his barriers and show his true colors. A dude like that can't act forever. Let yourself heal and do not contact him. It's why they have a sign 'do not feed the animals' at the zoo. Guys like that thrive on drama and need sensitive and good people like you to supply that need. Take it day by day, but don't bother with him; your wound will only keep opening. Oh! I was called a whore, too, when I found out dude was on 5 dating sites whilst seeing me---that weekend right before I found out, he told me he loved me and I was his soulmate. Then I found out he was "looking for my soulmate" on all those sites. He won't get better, my friend. He is ****ed up in the head. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My ex probably won't get better either. When someone has a severely under-developed conscience, you can't reach them unless you have them do things that would benefit them, such as staying out of jail. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Definitely. I think I am going to get some books about how to spot a control freak so I know next time in the beginning. Sometimes it's hard to tell until you are knee deep into the relationship.This is a great book to start with: Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men, by Bancroft. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 How are you Buttercup? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I too felt like an idiot for believing him again. Then I had the constant wonder of who he is with, is she pretty, does he treat her better ( not abuse her) , etc. Maybe it was me, etc. He beat me because he was ashamed of me and I wasnt good enough. BUT then I had a reality check before I completely drowned in the waters that he was holding me under. Listen----- IT IS NOT UR FAULT. It is not about you at all. He needs someone to control. Abusers dont change, the only thing they change is partners. Unless they seek help for themselves, and get years upon years of therapy. An abusive person is almost programmed that way. They have used control for soooooo long to get what they want. Its literally sick. And they dont treat anyone else better, its an act. Just be glad ur not that woman. And be glad that you will be better , stronger an amazing without some lowlife broken mean jerk controlling you anymore. Take ur control back. U deserve the best. And until u believe this u will seek approval from him, even if u dont realize ur doing it. Trust me , I have been severly abused, and I have no remorse for those pigs. And I absolutley hate hearing,,, oh well they were abused as kids and thats why he raped her, etc. It makes me utterly disgusted to give these heartless pukes any justification at all. Abuse is unforgivable and Unjustified . U are so much better than that, U gotta start believing that : ) Link to post Share on other sites
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