mem11363 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Read "married man sex life" by Athol Kay. It is a very practical guide to increasing passion in a marriage. Read his book, start using the program and see what happens. "talking" about how disappointed you are in your sex life is actually a bad first step. Thanks Jazz...Appreciate the reply. I know she would have a hard time with Counseling, She would be %120 percent against it and see it as a failure of our marriage, that it had to get to that point.. I know her. I agree with the Radio Silence and i'm understanding of it. You gave me a boost just now to keep trying with her when I feel frustrated by her lack of words. I agree also with the cave man thing and her feeling desired and fem. Ugh, Maybe I need to change my approach and the way "I" handle things...? Anyway, thanks Jazz Link to post Share on other sites
FredRutherford Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 **** bumping **** Link to post Share on other sites
NewThoughts Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Dude, I'm sorry to say but statistically your situation IS THE EXPECTED OUTCOME OF MARRIAGE. (I'm in a very similar boat as you.) Only a very small percentage of marriages have the whole dream of decades of struggle/fulfillment/intimacy and joy, that's advertised. If Marriage were a product sold by Costco, they would have huge line out the door asking for their money back, and they would discontinue the product due to poor profitability. Statistically speaking, M just doesn't work very well in this day and age. The statistics are clear, and undebatable. Shows how powerful cultural norms are, and how they get exchanged from one generation to the next without real examination of value. Option 1 - Yes, you can work even harder, learn how to compromise more, and find new & strange ways to fulfill your very real human needs like cruising port and chat sites at midnight (MILLIONS are doing this, and most of them are ashamed of it.) And, then, when you're on your deathbed, maybe you'll get a trophy to hold for a few minutes before you slip away. That's assuming that anybody would care enough to spend the $20 for the trophy and engraving. Not much of a solution, but it is the one that we all feel compelled by society to embrace. Stupid, huh ? Option 2 - engage in dialogue with your wife, and start getting honest and explicit about your needs and wants, and see what can be negotiated. If 2 people put down their guard, talk honestly, and really care, you might find a great solution. You might not. However, the odds are against you, but people still enjoy going to Vegas even though the odds are against you there too. Unlike Vegas, at least it doesn't cost much other than some time, so its worth to try. Option 3 - Instead of accepting the set of failed Marriage expectations that society has given you, get creative. Think about priorities (eg, caring for kids, real-world social implications, etc) and experiment with alternatives that do satisfy your needs. Maybe that's the weekly massage with a happy finish ? Maybe its an open relationship. Who knows, maybe just talking about those options will open a door of understanding for one/both of you that gives you a successful answer within the Marriage, or maybe it opens up a whole new pandora's box of options. Personally, I'm beginning to think the concept of having a Mistress or f***buddy isn't so bad, if it can be done ethically (eg, full disclosure at least with your wife). Option 4 - Get a divorce, and the lifelong "loser" label used to enforce compliance with our culture's bizarre concept of Marriage. Good Luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
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