Infinit Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) It's been a month since out break up and 4 days since we last saw each other at a wedding. Yesterday was Valentines day and I had roses sent to her work (this was organised before the break up). She texted me yesterday saying thanks or the roses when she received them. I replied saying no worries. Iv'e been emotionally all over the place trying to cope with the break up ans trying to respect her wishes and giving her time. She texted me this morning saying she wanted to get things off her chest. Basically she says she misses me, misses us and that she sometimes regrets her decision to break it off. She says that the break up was hard and she didn't want the break up to have been for nothing so wants to stay strong and keep her time and space. She wnds bu saying that the really cared/still cares and hopes that I am happy. I don't know what to think of it, I haven't responded as I still need to take it all in. What did she want out if telling me all that? The back story is in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t313831/ Edited February 14, 2012 by Infinit Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Close but no cigar! She says she wants to keep strong and KEEP HER TIME AND SPACE. Translation! I might miss you, but I still don't want you. Stay NC. Stay the course and stay strong yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infinit Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 I know that it wasn't a lets get back together text but more of a vent or just some bread crumbs to keep me wanting and hoping. I still want to at least reply to acknowledge what she has said as i know that it would have been very hard for her to tell me all that. I know you say I should go NC but wouldn't that be harsh? Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 She doesn't really want you back at this point, but she wants to keep you on a string making sure you don't go too far just incase. Give her all the space and time she needs. Do not wait on the day that she may want you back. Start moving on, dating, etc if you haven't already! And this may be besides the point. You say yesterday was Valentine's day? I thought it was today Feb 15? What country are you in if you don't mind my asking? fetish Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infinit Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 I figured that was the case. She might want to string me a long while she takes her time out. The thing is she was never one to put her feelings out like that when we were together. She finds it very hard to open up and talk about her feelings so I know that it would have been a hard thing for her to tell me all that considering we are no longer together. I will have to remain strong and giver her time and space and not take this as hope. In Australia Valentines day is February 14th. Isn't it the same all over? Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) In Australia Valentines day is February 14th. Isn't it the same all over? Sorry, i guess i was confused and wanted to confuse you right back! I meant today, February 14th. But i was confused in your opening post when you said yesterday was Valentines when it was still February 14th (at least it is in the U.S. where I am.) fetish Edited February 15, 2012 by fetish1980 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) Australia is a day ahead of the US because they are on the other side of the International Date Line. I agree with Chi townD. She may miss you but she doesn't want you back. As for her never being one to put her feelings out and finds it hard to talk about them, this is a total deal breaker for me. I knew a woman like that once and I will never be with someone like that again. It is like they have no feelings or emotions. I truly believe that someone who says or acts like that really doesn't have feelings or emotions. Who the hell wants someone who for all practical purposes doesn't give a s**t? Would you hire a worker who sits on their ass all day and says "I am a very hard worker. It's just hard for me to show it"? In my experience, if they say it is hard for them to show how they feel, it means they don't feel anything. Cold blooded comes to mind. Edited February 15, 2012 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 What did she want out if telling me all that? It's nonsense, as in, it makes no sense. This is what happens when a relationship breaks down. The continuity of actions, thoughts and feelings disappears. Typically, there's internal conflict or mixed feelings in one or both of the people, and it's clear to me there is in her and you. Don't worry about what she wants from that - that way lies madness - but focus on what you feel and what you want. Start with the very basics and work your way up from that. Peace and happiness maybe? So what will give you peace and happiness? Did this message from her add to your sense of well-being? If not, take steps to prevent such disturbances in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
fetish1980 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Australia is a day ahead of the US because they are on the other side of the International Date Line. yeah i was thinking this. As for her never being one to put her feelings out and finds it hard to talk about them, this is a total deal breaker for me. I knew a woman like that once and I will never be with someone like that again. It is like they have no feelings or emotions. I truly believe that someone who says or acts like that really doesn't have feelings or emotions. Who the hell wants someone who for all practical purposes doesn't give a s**t? Would you hire a worker who sits on their ass all day and says "I am a very hard worker. It's just hard for me to show it"? In my experience, if they say it is hard for them to show how they feel, it means they don't feel anything. Cold blooded comes to mind. I really related to this based on personal experience. My ex wouldn't talk, just swept problems under the rug. Well after a while, that rug begins to pile. I don't necessarily agree that people who can't talk about their issues means they don't have any emotions. Rather it means that they don't have the skills to deal with them and reach resolution, so often their only defense mechanism is to shut down. Therefore, this gives off the impression they don't give a s%%t. But all in all, i think refusing to deal with it makes it just as bad. fetish Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 (edited) I don't necessarily agree that people who can't talk about their issues means they don't have any emotions. Rather it means that they don't have the skills to deal with them and reach resolution Issues and emotions are two different things. I wasn't talking about issues or problems. I was talking about those people who say they can't say or show their feelings or emotions. How would it feel if you were with someone and they never said they loved you, never said they cared, never showed you any affection, and then when you finally call them on it they say "it is hard for me to show my feelings". Who wants to be with someone like that? Not having any feelings or emotions and not being able to express or show them, feel identical to the person who is with someone like that. How would it feel if all your friends got roses or gifts for Valentines Day and you got nothing because your man says it is hard for him to show emotion and feelings. Would that be acceptable to anyone? All I am saying is if I am dating someone who gives me that line of crap or it is apparent she can't show her feelings or emotions, she may as well not have any because that's what it feels like to me and I may as well be with someone who is dead. Edited February 15, 2012 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Infinit Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Thanks all for your thoughts. I think I may have painted her in a bad way. It's not like she never showed any emotion or showed she cared. She invested a lot in the relationship but when it came to issues she would rather deal with it herself on her own time and resolve it or just move on from the issue which was different from me. I liked to talk about it and try to nip thungs in the bud so to speak if I could so it would not happen again. We were different in that sense and that may have led to the break down as we would never really put issues to rest more so pushed them aside. Why her text suprised me was because the fact that she had opened up to me and took a great risk telling me how she felt, it isn't her character to do such a thing which is why I felt she meant it. I know it's hard not to look into and take it at face value, but in some wats I am a bit resolved to know that she feels this way as I had thought she did not care any more. I guess it's slightly comforting to know she is going through similar emotions as me. I know that I may seem like iv'e been sucked in to her but i'm still being cautious. I replies basically saying that I felt the same way and that I think we would both benefit from this time apart to really work out what we want in our lives. I wan't her back but only if we both are ready and willing to work on our past issues so i hope that she will see that I am respecting the time apart and not wanting to rush back into anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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