Paranoid!

[LK30]

I don't know why but I hate hearing about people being intimate, and when I split with a girl I can't help but have a big fear about them moving on and being with other people - which is kind of inevitable, and natural.

 

Even a girl I've been seeing casually recently I have a bit of anxiety about as she's going away tomorrow for a few days and I know she's attractive and could well hook up with someone when she goes on nights out this weekend...and I'm not even in a r'ship with her!

 

I've always had this problem and even feel uncomfortable staying in people's houses in case I hear them! And hearing about female friends having sex left right and centre and it feels like everywhere you go people are having it!!

 

I've been single for over a year now and still haven't met a potential lady! Funnily enough I was walking my parents dog today and I spoke briefly to two girls who were also walking their dogs and they seemed nice but the conversation went dead! I'll never see them again but it feels like a missed opportunity to strike up a date!! Don't get me wrong, I've never done one night stands and even the girl I'm seeing on and off at the moment I have some feelings for -I can't just be like 'right. i'm off, ive got what I want!'

 

Perhaps being single is the problem as I think about everyone else out there, like my ex who is now engaged and probably getting lots of intimacy and I'm stuck on my own. Sometimes I wish my drive was non existent!

 

I'm sorry this post is a bit weird, but I go through phases of getting attention and girls wanting to catch up for socials, and other times it just goes flat and they seem too busy. I sound like a nutter, but I'm just having a rant and perhaps realising that I need to sort myself out before I have any chance of meeting someone nice because as much as I've tried to meet people, been on dates etc the past few years I'm still posting on help websites (in the nicest possible way) for over 2 years because I need advice!!

 

Why is everything a struggle :'-(

Edited February 14, 2012 by LK30

[Philosoraptor]

I had the same sorts of thoughts after my relationship ended regarding my ex. It's not abnormal and many people have the same sorts of thoughts. The thing we must remember is that we have no control over the actions of others and what anyone does while not committed to us is none of our concern.

[immitable]

perhaps realising that I need to sort myself out before I have any chance of meeting someone nice

 

 

There is your answer bro, you put it perfectly. it is absolutely normal to feel the way you do. Just focus on yourself for the time being. It will help you gain the self confidence you lost after the bu. It is ok to be single and don't push too hard on meeting some girl, it is a two way street you know. Only when you are truly happy with yourself only than you have something to offer to the others. Ask ANY girl and she will tell you that-- Confidence is sexy.

[CopingGal]

I don't know why but I hate hearing about people being intimate, and when I split with a girl I can't help but have a big fear about them moving on and being with other people - which is kind of inevitable, and natural.

 

Even a girl I've been seeing casually recently I have a bit of anxiety about as she's going away tomorrow for a few days and I know she's attractive and could well hook up with someone when she goes on nights out this weekend...and I'm not even in a r'ship with her!

 

I've always had this problem and even feel uncomfortable staying in people's houses in case I hear them! And hearing about female friends having sex left right and centre and it feels like everywhere you go people are having it!!

 

I've been single for over a year now and still haven't met a potential lady! Funnily enough I was walking my parents dog today and I spoke briefly to two girls who were also walking their dogs and they seemed nice but the conversation went dead! I'll never see them again but it feels like a missed opportunity to strike up a date!! Don't get me wrong, I've never done one night stands and even the girl I'm seeing on and off at the moment I have some feelings for -I can't just be like 'right. i'm off, ive got what I want!'

 

Perhaps being single is the problem as I think about everyone else out there, like my ex who is now engaged and probably getting lots of intimacy and I'm stuck on my own. Sometimes I wish my drive was non existent!

 

I'm sorry this post is a bit weird, but I go through phases of getting attention and girls wanting to catch up for socials, and other times it just goes flat and they seem too busy. I sound like a nutter, but I'm just having a rant and perhaps realising that I need to sort myself out before I have any chance of meeting someone nice because as much as I've tried to meet people, been on dates etc the past few years I'm still posting on help websites (in the nicest possible way) for over 2 years because I need advice!!

 

Why is everything a struggle :'-(

 

Hi. Yes, when you have issues, sometimes really, really simple things are struggles. Don't fret, though. It seems like you just need some counseling to work through some issues. Everyone has issues. I suffer from anxiety and simple things for me get all complicated and twisted. If you can't afford counseling, there may be low cost or free counseling...free if you can get to a university that has graduate programs in psychology or counseling...they probably have a program in which the treat the public for free or low cost. Also, some organizations offer. Think about it. Let me know if you need help finding a low cost one. Have a great day.

[LK30]

Thanks for your replies fellow Love-Shackers!

 

I think the most recent girl has just rattled me a bit. I don't even think she's that interested, and odd in the sense that even though we're not in a relationship we've exchanged 20,000 FB msgs since beginning of December (insane I know!), yet she never really compliments me and doesn't show any affection (usually you expect people to want to see you as much as possible, touch you, say nice things etc - especially younger girls who tend to love the stigma of having an older man's attention!). Yet despite all this I keep wanting to do nice things for her, and I'm wondering if the unemotional way she is is making me want to try harder even though the chances of us being together aren't realistic at all! I just don't know why I'm like this!!!

 

It's weird because I tend to remember situations and they always seem better when I look back at them than probably what they actually were when I experienced them. I'm off at the weekend to visit my son in another part of the UK, and last time I went it was in Dec just days before I met this particular girl I keep referring to who I really fancied. I expect when I'm there I'll think about her all the time, keep checking my phone and FB etc to see if she's messaged me. I expect she'll be out partying, and as I've put her up on a pedestal I expect I'll start having thoughts about her getting drunk, and her friend (who influences her a lot) trying to set her up with blokes. I'm such a loser lol, I just shouldn't care but I can't get over it!!

Edited February 15, 2012 by LK30