Attraction for a new coworker but I have a gf

[Eclypse]

@Elswyth: no my comment definitely wasn't appropriate but I got a little irritated. I am not quite sure what to make of the things she says, she is a little strange sometimes. But yes like you said I am not tied down yet so the option of jumping ship is always there should it come to that point.

 

@iamaman3: what you say is indeed a little worrying. I have not been given cause to doubt her fidelity so far but I will look into it a little more. It did strike me as a little odd that she didn't want me to come over on Tuesday even though it was the most convenient day for me in terms of timetabling. She wasn't able to give me an answer why I shouldn't come that day. You have certainly given me some food for thought. Tonight however she did text me to inform me that she had already picked out the interior design for our house. It's a bit wishful thinking imo as I have yet to graduate university let alone land a job!

 

@zengirl: Thank you for your kind words. I shall have to have a revaluation of my feelings to the relationship. I wouldn't like to lose her though, she has made my life worth living again.

 

@Spookie: Sorry if I didn't word it properly.. yes we live far away but I am the one who drives to her place always and I am the one who volunteered to come to her more often throughout the week (at great personal cost in parking, tollways etc).

 

@Polcas: I think I can get over the other differences, after all I can't be dating a clone of myself, but the sex one is a bit hard to swallow. I don't want to be the type of guy to issue an ultimatum but it may have to come to that, we'll see.

 

See I could go out tomorrow night and probably land some casual sex (or not, maybe she was right?) but if I did do it it would be so unfulfilling. For me sex is something so important that binds you to your partner. I always do my best to make sure she has a good time. Foreplay always consists of me pleasuring her and not the other way around. When we have sex I always try to make sure she orgasms and if she doesn't I'll finger her till she does. Would be nice if she could reciprocate once in a while

[lamaman3]

Eclypse - good luck to you. I would reccomend being more assertive, women very often respond positively to that.

[Els]

Well, OP, how has her promise been going?

[Eclypse]

Hey Elswyth.

 

Well I went to her place on Saturday. After dinner I made some moves on her. It took a little coaxing but she responded eventually and we did the deed. Afterwards we had a pillow conversation. I asked her why she never initiates sex. She said she prefers that the man does it because it is just easier and makes her feel more feminine. She tells me she often doesn't feel in the mood for sex but if I still want to do it when she doesn't then she'll just lie down and stick out her butt for me to do my thing. She also added she hopes I don't go in too deep doing that. That made me feel kinda crappy. I don't want to have sex with a rag doll.

 

I've started coming to terms with the fact that our sex drives are just massively different. She tells me that before she met me she had never sexual feelings or been horny before. I asked her if she ever got horny when we were apart and she said no. Only rarely did she wish she could have sex but was usually able to push it out of her mind. I asked if she ever rubbed herself down there and she said never. She seemed to think masturbation was and said there's no point since I'm there to rub it for her.

[spookie]

Hey Elswyth.

 

Well I went to her place on Saturday. After dinner I made some moves on her. It took a little coaxing but she responded eventually and we did the deed. Afterwards we had a pillow conversation. I asked her why she never initiates sex. She said she prefers that the man does it because it is just easier and makes her feel more feminine. She tells me she often doesn't feel in the mood for sex but if I still want to do it when she doesn't then she'll just lie down and stick out her butt for me to do my thing. She also added she hopes I don't go in too deep doing that. That made me feel kinda crappy. I don't want to have sex with a rag doll.

 

I've started coming to terms with the fact that our sex drives are just massively different. She tells me that before she met me she had never sexual feelings or been horny before. I asked her if she ever got horny when we were apart and she said no. Only rarely did she wish she could have sex but was usually able to push it out of her mind. I asked if she ever rubbed herself down there and she said never. She seemed to think masturbation was and said there's no point since I'm there to rub it for her.

 

WTF? She'll just lie down and stick out her butt for you to do your thing? Is she kidding? I think that's pretty disturbing.

 

Sexual compatibility is so important. If it isn't there, over time, the incompatibility will wear down the intimacy in all the other areas of the relationship.

 

When it's there, it's the glue that holds you together, through thick and thin...

[Els]

Hey Elswyth.

 

Well I went to her place on Saturday. After dinner I made some moves on her. It took a little coaxing but she responded eventually and we did the deed. Afterwards we had a pillow conversation. I asked her why she never initiates sex. She said she prefers that the man does it because it is just easier and makes her feel more feminine. She tells me she often doesn't feel in the mood for sex but if I still want to do it when she doesn't then she'll just lie down and stick out her butt for me to do my thing. She also added she hopes I don't go in too deep doing that. That made me feel kinda crappy. I don't want to have sex with a rag doll.

 

I've started coming to terms with the fact that our sex drives are just massively different. She tells me that before she met me she had never sexual feelings or been horny before. I asked her if she ever got horny when we were apart and she said no. Only rarely did she wish she could have sex but was usually able to push it out of her mind. I asked if she ever rubbed herself down there and she said never. She seemed to think masturbation was and said there's no point since I'm there to rub it for her.

 

Urrrmm. The bolded does strike me as rather strange. Especially the way she said it.

 

Do you feel that this sex drive is something that you can live with for the long term?

[Eclypse]

WTF? She'll just lie down and stick out her butt for you to do your thing? Is she kidding? I think that's pretty disturbing.

 

Sexual compatibility is so important. If it isn't there, over time, the incompatibility will wear down the intimacy in all the other areas of the relationship.

 

When it's there, it's the glue that holds you together, through thick and thin...

 

Sorry I worded it quite poorly, was in a bit of a rush. I was paraphrasing what she told me. Essentially she'd lie in the spooning position and "let me do it." Blegh.

[kaylan]

Kid, Ima be honest with ya. This relationship is over because of this sexual incompatibility. Heres why....either:

 

a) she genuinely has a low sex drive and doesnt want sex. In which case, as a young guy with a decent sex drive yourself, you will not want to deal with this for too long and will start desiring other chicks.....again...

 

b) she actually does have an average sex drive and just isnt that attracted to you anymore but doesnt want to break up. Yes, people do this...theyll stay in a comfy relationship even if they arent that into their partner anymore. Id tell you to bail here too, because if she does in fact have an average sex drive, shes gonna bail when she meets a new guy she wants.

 

So whatcha gonna do bro? Theres really no point in having a relationship with someone who doesnt desire physical intimacy with you much any longer. Its especially lame that she wants to give you un-passionate, boring, dead lay sex.

 

Be a smart young man, and be honest with her. Tell her you guys just dont seem to be compatible enough for a relationship any longer. Then go explore and enjoy your youth.

 

EDIT: PS - It really is a shame that theres still a good bit of frigid women out there who never really open up sexually. You hardly find guys like this. It really makes me sad.

Edited February 26, 2012 by kaylan