perfection walking Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I posted here some months ago...still involded with mm, 2 years now. God, I hate saying that. Anyway, his divorce has progressed significantly but we are not together yet. I have resigned myself to waiting but believe the waiting is making me bitter/resentful. I have refused to see him until he has papers signed (easy as we are in different cities) but we talk and text all the time, hours each day but it seems there's a strange by product of constant communication (at least for me) I think Im better off (less bitter/resentful) when I dont hear from him regularly. Yes I miss him like mad when we dont talk but when we talk daily I seem to become angry and resentful that he's not physically with me, a real part of my life. Does that resonate with anyone? oh, and the bittterness comes in waves. Some days I'm fine, others not. Are these feelings cyclical in nature? Link to post Share on other sites
cuddlekeeper Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Hi Perfection WalkingI dont know if these feelings are cyclical in nature but I have them too and I have nope hope of ever being with my MM. We have been together for over five years now and the last six months he has been really attentive and having me meet his grandchildren and it really makes me frustrated cause it makes me want him more. When I dont see or hear from him as much I can get on with my life alot easier. He lives in the next suburb to me and does alot of things for me and with me. I suppose it is like the others say you are living in limbo and you get angry cause you just want one way or the other!Im sorry I dont have any answers for you only the fact that you are not alone in what you feel... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I posted here some months ago...still involded with mm, 2 years now. God, I hate saying that. Anyway, his divorce has progressed significantly but we are not together yet. I have resigned myself to waiting but believe the waiting is making me bitter/resentful. I have refused to see him until he has papers signed (easy as we are in different cities) but we talk and text all the time, hours each day but it seems there's a strange by product of constant communication (at least for me) I think Im better off (less bitter/resentful) when I dont hear from him regularly. Yes I miss him like mad when we dont talk but when we talk daily I seem to become angry and resentful that he's not physically with me, a real part of my life. Does that resonate with anyone? oh, and the bittterness comes in waves. Some days I'm fine, others not. Are these feelings cyclical in nature? I can relate exactly from when I was in that position. I two had been involved for a bit over two years and with the passing of time, the obstacles and distance became more obvious. We communicated constantly, he texted or called me first thing in the morning, we emailed throughout the day and spoke on the phone the last at night. Although it was constant, I started to resent it because I felt like well if you could be with me FOR REAL then we wouldn't do this. It felt like it was a poor substitution for something more substantial. But the more he was their electronically, the more it became apparent that he wasn't there physically and the more I realized that I talk to him while conducting my life....and he is doing the same....he can be living his whole other life and our relationship is essentially conducted in-between-time...smh...yes that made me upset and resentful and made me decide to "be friends"....which didn't work either. It was cyclical....some days were not so obvious and of course when he did see me, I'd put it all out of my mind...but essentially those times were a temporary band-aid/aspirin. The real problem still existed...but once in a while I'd "forget" and be "so happy" and really believe I could continue...until reality came back around and I realized...I am still texting, calling, emailing, webcamming, in between my life and yours. I'd get into huge arguments with him about it then he'd apologize for ruining my life (guilt card) and I'd say he didn't....and we'd be "okay" as I did not want to let him go. Then I was resentful that all he had was sorry apologies...but he seemed CONTENT with the status quo. He missed me too he'd say....but I was the one who was always upset and lamenting over it...not him....he listened to me dutifully...but seemed as though he had no intention of changing things...and he didn't. In your case....he is getting a divorce allegedly, so perhaps those are legitimate steps. I think it wouldn't hurt for you to lessen the communication, so as to decrease your bitterness, as he goes through this process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SBC Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I posted here some months ago...still involded with mm, 2 years now. God, I hate saying that. Anyway, his divorce has progressed significantly but we are not together yet. I have resigned myself to waiting but believe the waiting is making me bitter/resentful. I have refused to see him until he has papers signed (easy as we are in different cities) but we talk and text all the time, hours each day but it seems there's a strange by product of constant communication (at least for me) I think Im better off (less bitter/resentful) when I dont hear from him regularly. Yes I miss him like mad when we dont talk but when we talk daily I seem to become angry and resentful that he's not physically with me, a real part of my life. Does that resonate with anyone? oh, and the bittterness comes in waves. Some days I'm fine, others not. Are these feelings cyclical in nature? Who are you bitter towards? And what are you expecting, and hoping for? He is going through a divorce for heaven's sake. It sounds like he is doing the best he can. And these things take time, they really do. If you cant handle it, then cut him, and yourself, lose. But, if you continue to interact with him, you have to accept that you are an active participant and then, enjoy the ride! Enjoy what you have now, because this IS the start of your relationship. Talking for hours every day is not a good thing. It means neither of you are properly attending to your lives, this is probably why you dont feel good about it. If you think you might actually have a shot at a real relationship with him, limit your time talking so he can get done what he has to get done. Same for you--live your life, because you never know---you might not end up together. But keep swimming towards each other and if you both dont take your eye off the ball, you might end up together. Link to post Share on other sites
jaloka Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 6 years for MM and I. but there's no chance he will ever leave, he told me that from day 1. so enjoy what you have with MM but give him space and time during the divorce time. he needs to time to work through the process, etc. that way when you two can start 'fresh." good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts