oton Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Hi. My first post here - was hoping I could solve my problems without talking to other people, but I think I need the help! A little history. I've been married for almost 6 years. I would say that in the last 3-3.5 years, my wife and I have made love exactly once. It wasn't a great experience - felt very uncomfortable and awkward and not in a first-flush-of-lust kind of way, more a why-is-this-not-very-enjoyable kind of way. To say I'm frustrated is... understating things. My libido is still there, but I don't think hers is anymore. She says she loves me, but never makes any kind of move to be physically close. It's got to the stage where if I even suggest a cuddle it seems (to me) that it's too much effort, or that she's more comfortable not doing that. Whether it's down to comfort (literally) or whether there's something deeper there, I can't tell. A bit more information... the sex side of our marriage basically evaporated just before we moved into our new house at the end of 2007. In fact, it almost seemed like it stopped when we got married... although we were very active up until then. (And yes, it does feel like a cliche!) We have two children (hers, not mine). We _did_ have four, but two were killed in a road traffic accident in 2008. On the whole, apart from the physical side, I'd say we are fairly happy, the usual money problems people have, that kind of thing, but on the whole we are comfortable, we love each other and committed to one another. I really don't know how to start anything physical anymore. I seem to need some kind of sexual release, and, not to be vulgar, I take care of that when I need to by myself. But it's just not what I want - I love my wife, very much still want her, but I've been knocked back so many times without any specific reason that despair has set in. I know this has been long, rambling and fuzzy. I'm not used to talking about this with anyone. Has anyone got any advice? I'm not interested in ending my marriage because of the lack of sex - I was just hoping that the physical side of love would be part of my life for a good part of my marriage... it's just not happening. :-( -- M Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Woah woah, you skimmed over what could be effecting her emotionally. Two of your children passed away and that is more than enough of a libido killer. How did she cope with that? How old are you? Could she be worried about getting pregnant? That could be quite a scary experience after two children were taken away from her. If she hasn't coped properly I'd suggest therapy and patience. If she has coped and has healed fine then this is something that you need to discuss with her. Use "I feel" statements and do not point the finger at her. Explain what you need out of a relationship and why it is important to you to have a physical connection with her. But don't use the words "sexual release" with her, explain that you need to feel fully connected with her. Link to post Share on other sites
JazzyFox Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Could the death of her/your children in 2008 have affected her desire to be "close" or "intimate" with you? Link to post Share on other sites
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