love triangle that is getting really old

[simon30]

Hi everyone,

I have a serious problem going on for over a year now and I would like to end it.

I am 36 years old, about a year and a half ago my childhood friend found my number and visited me, I had not seen her in over 17 years at that point.

 

After a few minutes over the phone I gave her my address and she came over, she started telling me that she was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and still going. she told me her boyfriend is a drunk and he verbally abuses her and at times he's physically abused her as well, both of her parents have long been dead and she had no friends left in her life because of this man (according to her) I told her I'm always here for her.

 

a week went by and she called me and asked if she could come over because he was coming home and he was really mad, she didnt want to be there when he got home because he was drunk, I told her come on over, it wouldnt be a problem.

 

well this started happening often and I realized that not only is her boyfriend a drunk but so is she, a few months went by and she lost her job, her boyfriend was furious mad about something and in a drunk fit kicked her out of his apartment, ofcourse she ran to me for a place to live for a few weeks until she found a new job and place to live, she told me he's kicked her out many times and she would have to sleep in her car and once even in a womens shelter.

 

she stayed with me and a month later we both fell in love hard, I realized the woman was not only an alcoholic but also heavily addicted to cocaine, I helped get her off the coke addiction in less than a few months, but I could never beat the alcohol part of her problem with her, she got a few jobs but always ended up losing them within a week or two.

 

I am really insanely in love with her, I dont want to give up on her, not even for a second.

my problem is after 8 months of us having an intense relationship, I found out she was still seeing her ex, later by spying on her yahoo chats I found out that she told him that she was living with me and I was paying her bills but it was completely platonic, she was trying to get him to take her back.

 

I immediately called him since I didnt want to be anyones fool and told him that she's been lying to him and we were in a relationship and having sex 3 times a night, it got him so mad he told her never to talk to him again.

 

a month later she was able to coax him to take her back, after 3 days she came back to me claiming she was in love with me.

 

this has happened 4 times in the past year and a half, she goes back to the abusive ex, and within 2 weeks starts sending me emails of how she cant sleep at night without me, cant eat, and wants to come over and make love, and right after that shes moved back in.

 

this past memorial day weekend she told me she was going to the beach with her 2 children and their grandparents, I found out it was a lie and she took them to his apartment to discuss her going back with him again.

I practically had to interrogate her to get her to admit the truth.

 

I asked her who do you want to be with, me or him and she said him, I helped her pack her car with her belongings and sent her on her way, now 3 days later she calles me, I preteneded to be cold and I feel that this cycle is going to start all over again.

 

Problem is I am in love with her, I dont want to lose her and I know she'll come back but I dont want to do this for the rest of my life with this woman.

 

anyone here been through something similar and been able to get the woman to stop the ping pong?

[pitprincess]

I am sorry your hurting,

And I am by no means telling you what to do.

 

BUT:::

How do you feel right now....

If you keep letting this girl lie and come in and out of your life, mess around behind your back, take your money for bills and you fall deeper in love.

How you going to fill when you wake up and realize she is useing you?

 

I hate your hurting but I would break strings and find someone that loves you for you that will NOT do this kind of thing to you.

 

Best of Luck to you

[DerangedAngel]

Leave her alone. Don't answer her calls.

 

You deserve better. Someone that will work hard at having a relationship with you, not run off to her ex all the time. She must know how she is hurting you. It isn't right.

 

I know you love her, and it's great that you've been there for her and tried to help her out with her addictions. But I think it's in your best interest to cut all ties.

 

I wish you well.

 

-Deranged

[simon30]

Like I mentioned before, I am in love with her.

I am 36 years old and have only been in love twice, my first girlfriend and now this woman, I've dated at least a hundred or more women in between and have always been the one who walks away when things get serious between two people.

 

I was a manwhore, I am not trying to brag but how come I was such a scum bag to so many other women prior this piece of **** and now so crazy in love?

 

I don't want to just let her go, I want to be the man who can help her to help herself, and I want to be rewarded with marriage.

 

I am not willing to let her go, when she left me monday night she said it would be a very long time before she ever would pick up the phone to call me, I guess a long time is 3 days because she called me last night "just to say hello"

 

When we were children her grandmother told her in front of me and her mom that she and I would end up together, I think the old woman was right, I just think that I am going to have to fight hard to win my love.

 

And yes its a winnable situation no doubt.

someone will end up with this woman, I prefer it be me.

 

I don't want her to think i'm spineless, I want her respect and want her to know I'm not playing a game.

[sportsloving]

What happens if she becomes pregnant now?

 

What happens if you are rewarded with marriage and this still occurs?

 

I don't want her to think i'm spineless, I want her respect and want her to know I'm not playing a game.

 

But she is playing games and both of you guys are letting her. You are both taking care of her, paying her bills, giving her a place to stay, and allowing her to continue the roller coaster.

 

If she sticks around, she is going to need to get off the drugs and alochol; but most times a person must hit bottom before they can see the way up. IMO, it might be best to brutually honest with her. Tell her that she can not see~saw between the two of you, that you will take her back on the condition that she start working on getting her life in order (NA, AA, Counseling, steady employment) but that you aren't going to be her escape anytime that she wants. It really isn't fair to you.

 

Best of luck to you.