My boyfriend is a 20 year old virgin, I need tips to make that moment unakward for us

[Heather]

My boyfriend is a 20year old virgin and I am not, but he wants to have sex and I have no idea how to deal with this when the time comes.

 

The thing is he and I have been best friends for 3 years and a few weeks ago we decided to be exclusive. This is his first real relationship and I know he cares deeply for me because he has told me and he knows i feel the same for him. But, he has a reputation of being the shy guy and therefor he has problems communicating his feelings but he is getting better and very open to working on learning how.

 

Well, the point is, like I said, he is 20, i am 21 and have had 3 serious relationships previous to him, and sex before and he first of all feels intimidated and inadequate because he has not. We talked briefly about this and he wants to have sex he says but he just doesn't want it to be uncomfortable.

 

Now that this is all out on the table (which was a huge step to communicate this to me) I know its gonna happen soon because I stay with him every weekend. I need to know how Im supposed to handle this!! Im used to guys making the first move ect... now i have to?! He doesn't care about using condoms because we know each other so well that we trust each other but I have recently skipped 2 weeks of birth control because i wasn't sexually active then he comes along!

 

Should I go buy condoms and explain the birth control thing, or explain the art of "pulling out". I think that will be to much for him though. Also, we all know how quickly a man does his deed after not having sex for a while, I know its going to come quicker for him being a virgin and all, Im used to it but Imsure he thinks it doesn't happen and will be embarrassed, what do I say to him about that and handle it when it happens? Then go about starting again!!?? And I don't want to seem to aggressive by being on top, should i let him get up there and figure it out? Do we talk about things while we are having sex ie do this, dont do this ect.... ? I just want him to be as comfortable and least awkward as possible.

 

MOST IMPORTANTLY REMEMBER, He has had huge self esteem issues growing up and is very very shy and quiet so I cant just come out and say things to him that I may want to, I need to take it slow!

 

Please give me some advice on how to deal with my best guy friend of 3 years who is a very shy 20 year old virgin becoming my boyfriend and how to go about having sex comfortably and dealing with all the things that come with it!!

[4getful]

hello heather. I dont mean to intrude but i think that you are quite a woman for taking into account the possible feeling/reaction of your boyfriend about you two having sex. Most shy and quiet guys have a problem with their self-esteem, and this topic is very sensitive to some men. Many wish that they can experience their first time with another virgin, but I guess this is true only to the conservative individuals. If he already knows that you are not a virgin, then why not give him an experience to remember?. Be sexy but romantic, and if you are afraid that he will come quickly, just make him practice a bit of self-control before you do it.He should always try to think of something that is not connected to sex,coz the more excited he becomes, the quicker he'll come.And why not show how good you are, just make sure he's relaxed and comfortable.And it should not be a big issue between you two, you might want to worry more about making your relationship last, being friends of 3 years and all. When you grow older, sex wont be the only you'll be worrying about, love will.

[tiger_nip]

sex for the first time is awkward, no ways around.

 

it's akward everytime you do it with someone new.

 

it's really not rocket science and he should be able to handle it.

 

Just make him feel like u want him. thats all you can do.

[Heather]

tiger_nip i thank you for the effort of typing that tid bit of info that did not help at all but just to let you know, your right, my boyfriend has 99 problems, and now a bitch is one! Thanks.

[edweirdo]

Sex is one of those things that gets better with practice. One thing you should talk about with your friend is that even if it is awkward, you won't feel any different about him. Keep caring for him and keep practicing. Someone mentioned cumming quickly. If the mood is right, and he does, wait a few minutes and do it again.

 

Always make sure you use birth control. The "withdrawl" method is not a form of birth control, but more like a crap shoot. If you skipped your birth control pills, use a condom until you are sure everything is okay again.

 

Hope everything goes well.

[tiger_nip]

Originally posted by Heather

tiger_nip i thank you for the effort of typing that tid bit of info that did not help at all but just to let you know, your right, my boyfriend has 99 problems, and now a bitch is one! Thanks.

 

My pleasure.

[ockey53]

first off, CONDOMS!!!!! YES!!! Especially the first time. On top of that, take birth control. This is still not fool proof... the condom narrows down the chances... but it could break, and the birth control narrows it down also. But there is a slim chance even with both there can still be an interaction.

 

Please have safe sex. You don't want it to be a 9-month --> forever mistake for him and more YOU!! Be safe, use Durex (they feel good) and take your birth control. ****, you go out and buy some condoms, that way we won't have an excuse.

[skysystem]

the only fact that you are asking advice on this actually means it will not be powerfull !!! cos I believe things happen - if you want them to be wonderfull - you have to live it your own way without asking - it d be more romanctic...

[Phelly]

wow you're putting a lot of effort into this lol

 

I'm a shy/quiet guy myself... A 21y/o virgin, at that.

 

I agree with an earlier post that you should make it clear to him that no matter how awkward it gets, you won't think anything less of him. I would remind him once before and once after, so that he is quite assured that nothing has changed.

 

So that's my two cents. Can't speak from experience when it comes to the sex, but being a guy with similar self-esteem problems myself, that's one thing that I would find important.

 

Still, I would suggest that you don't criticize him while he's trying to figure it out... None of that "dont do this, dont do that". Let the guy have fun, it's his first time.