blueagle Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hello, I am new to this forums but I've heard this is a good place just to come for some advice So recently, My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me because of a bunch of unnecessary nonsense that had happened in that time period. The point of the matter is that she felt overwhelmed and needed a break from a relationship, so we took a break. A month later, she realized how an amazing partner I had been because she talked to some other dude in the mean time to lessen the pain of missing me. The problem with this other dude that he was a real jerk, not even coming close of how good I had been to her. So I essentially took her back and we started talking again, being friendly and now we kiss and hold hands again. A few days ago however, one of my best friends who is a girl (she was the one I talked to for sympathy during the break up) got mad at me because she had become attracted to me but I didn't to her. So seeking help, I told it to the person I felt the closest too, which is my girlfriend. I told her the story and handed her my phone which had the conversation that I had the with the other girl. Now, I don't know if that was a bad move or something, but after she read the conversation she begun to take the side of my friend. She started to say that she feels that she isn't good enough for me. She labels herself as the one who broke my heart even though I have taken her back. My GF was saying that maybe all the people and my friend are correct about she not being right for me. However, I do not believe it. I believe that our break up had to happen in order to get our relationship back on track. I have forgiven her but it seems that she hasn't forgiven herself. My question after all is set an done, How can (if i can) make her fall in love with me again and make her feel that she is in fact worth it and good enough for me? Is that a self-esteem issue on her part? Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I think your gf is looking for a reason to break up with you again, and this is a lame excuse to do it. Ive seen this excuse many times, and the woman usually starts dating another guy in the meantime. Be wary. If she doesnt break it off, then just give her time to get over it. Don't try to treat her more special to compensate, its all in her head and you cant help her fix that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueagle Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I think your gf is looking for a reason to break up with you again, and this is a lame excuse to do it. Ive seen this excuse many times, and the woman usually starts dating another guy in the meantime. Be wary. If she doesnt break it off, then just give her time to get over it. Don't try to treat her more special to compensate, its all in her head and you cant help her fix that. She didn't anyone else while on her break. She just talked to some other guy because she needed someone to help ease the pain. but she does say "I don't want to hurt you anymore" "i don't feel good enough for you". It might be that she just needs time to think things through. It hasn't been a month since we got back together so I reckon she just needs time. She has said that she doesn't want to give up, she is willing to fight and change for me though. Link to post Share on other sites
brokentreasure Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... From the view of a total outsider and going off of what you wrote, it seems like your GF is looking for an out. She probably hit a low - this new guy treated her horribly - and in seeking comfort, turned to you. You're safe. She knows you. She knows she can walk all over you and you won't think twice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 She is not offering you a stable relationship. Take it from me and get out now. Also, you shouldn't have to show text messages. A relationship without trust is like a BLT without bacon, sad and unfulfilling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It's funny how so many women are insecure or think their not good enough for their boyfriend but as soon as they breakup they act like they are the hottest chick on the planet, every guy wants them & end up with a new hotter guy than their last BF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hello, I am new to this forums but I've heard this is a good place just to come for some advice So recently, My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me because of a bunch of unnecessary nonsense that had happened in that time period. The point of the matter is that she felt overwhelmed and needed a break from a relationship, so we took a break. When will dudes learn. When a chick says she wants to take a break, it means she's looking at banging other dudes. Your chick most likely slutted herself to this other dude, he left her, and that's why she came back. Now she's got other options (or he came back) and she wants to passive-aggressively break up. For some reason, I get the feeling you're not a dude who can face reality. Therefore, I expect to see your making emotional threads in the break-up subforum. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It's funny how so many women are insecure or think their not good enough for their boyfriend but as soon as they breakup they act like they are the hottest chick on the planet, every guy wants them & end up with a new hotter guy than their last BF. I am apparently not included in "many women". I want someone who is a better person, and being hot has nothing to do with that. I've been happiest with less attractive men who have treated me well. OP, if someone is willing to risk losing you from their life, the best thing that you can do is let them. The reason matters little, especially when it stinks of excuses and manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I am apparently not included in "many women". I want someone who is a better person, and being hot has nothing to do with that. I've been happiest with less attractive men who have treated me well. If this is true, then why are you no longer dating these dudes? It looks like they didn't make you "happiest", nor did they treat you well enough to stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 If this is true, then why are you no longer dating these dudes? It looks like they didn't make you "happiest", nor did they treat you well enough to stick around. What I am saying is that I don't make it a mission to move on quickly to a hotter guy. That behavior does nothing to help with healing, nor in achieving long term relationship goals. I always need the initial physical chemistry, but find someone who I connect with on a deeper level and treats me well more attractive in time. I'd take that over a gorgeous jerk anyday. I had a great 3 year relationship that ended because he wanted marriage and kids and I was only 21, I wasn't ready. I had a great 2 year relationship that ended because he realized he wanted to find God, I didn't. Sometimes things can be mostly good, but still end. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hello, I am new to this forums but I've heard this is a good place just to come for some advice You were misinformed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I am apparently not included in "many women". I want someone who is a better person, and being hot has nothing to do with that. I've been happiest with less attractive men who have treated me well. OP, if someone is willing to risk losing you from their life, the best thing that you can do is let them. The reason matters little, especially when it stinks of excuses and manipulation. Have you ever told a guy you were breaking up with him because you didn't think you were good enough for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 My ex said a similar thing to me months before we brokeup. When someone says they don't deserve you, they're usually telling you the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It's funny how so many women are insecure or think their not good enough for their boyfriend but as soon as they breakup they act like they are the hottest chick on the planet, every guy wants them & end up with a new hotter guy than their last BF. I really hate it when people do that. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 (edited) Have you ever told a guy you were breaking up with him because you didn't think you were good enough for him? Never, just as I don't think anyone I've been with wasn't "good enough" for me. I think that's a cop out. If I thought my partner deserved better, I would be that better person. If I thought we had differences that couldn't be reconciled, I'd leave, but that doesn't mean either one of us is better. I'm guilty of saying "you deserve someone better" or " I want a better man". There are crap people out there, where these statements are true. But, for the most part it is a shift in wants/needs that ends relationships. It's easy to cut someone down as being a lesser person, especially on LS, where we only get one side of the story, and where we are trying to help someone through a rough time. I should start phrasing it as deserving "someone who wants the same things" or "someone who is more compatible". Edited February 17, 2012 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 OP The advice that says she wants an out now that she see's she has other options are half right. The other half of the problem is that you showed her that conversation with the other woman. The other woman being so interested in you shows her that you have other options too. She thought she had a doormat but a man with other options is not a floor mat. By showing that message you gained too much power in the relationship for her to be happy. So to regain an upper hand she, conciously or unconciously, decided to pull this passive agressive thing. Meanwhile you were just asking someone you thought was at least a good friend (and lover) for help. My advice: Break up with her and pull the trigger first. The two of you are not compatible. If what you have said is true then you two have very different ideas about relationships. For you thought you had a friend and lover. While she seems to see it all as a power game. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yep, pretty dead on from my own experience: "Im not good enough for you" = Im banging a bad boy behind your back and I want to exit this relationship with you and still come out smelling like roses. She thinks this way neither of you get hurt. Truth is, you will find out sooner or later anyway so just start planning for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Never, just as I don't think anyone I've been with wasn't "good enough" for me. I think that's a cop out. If I thought my partner deserved better, I would be that better person. If I thought we had differences that couldn't be reconciled, I'd leave, but that doesn't mean either one of us is better. I'm guilty of saying "you deserve someone better" or " I want a better man". There are crap people out there, where these statements are true. But, for the most part it is a shift in wants/needs that ends relationships. It's easy to cut someone down as being a lesser person, especially on LS, where we only get one side of the story, and where we are trying to help someone through a rough time. I should start phrasing it as deserving "someone who wants the same things" or "someone who is more compatible". That's my point. I seriously doubt many people truly believe their not good enough for someone their already in a relationship with to the point where they no longer want to be with that awesome person anymore. When I've seen someone say this it's because they cheated or are looking for an excuse to break up so they can date someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 OP The advice that says she wants an out now that she see's she has other options are half right. The other half of the problem is that you showed her that conversation with the other woman. The other woman being so interested in you shows her that you have other options too. She thought she had a doormat but a man with other options is not a floor mat. By showing that message you gained too much power in the relationship for her to be happy. So to regain an upper hand she, conciously or unconciously, decided to pull this passive agressive thing. Meanwhile you were just asking someone you thought was at least a good friend (and lover) for help. My advice: Break up with her and pull the trigger first. The two of you are not compatible. If what you have said is true then you two have very different ideas about relationships. For you thought you had a friend and lover. While she seems to see it all as a power game. I'd have to agree. There's too much game playing going on from her end. Like Mrlonelyone says,"Pulln the trigger first." Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 She didn't anyone else while on her break. She just talked to some other guy because she needed someone to help ease the pain. but she does say "I don't want to hurt you anymore" "i don't feel good enough for you". It might be that she just needs time to think things through. It hasn't been a month since we got back together so I reckon she just needs time. She has said that she doesn't want to give up, she is willing to fight and change for me though. that's a lie. she slept with that guy and you know she did. she doesn't need time to think anything through. she's telling you that she doesn't want you. give her what she wants, leave. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 that's a lie. she slept with that guy and you know she did. she doesn't need time to think anything through. she's telling you that she doesn't want you. give her what she wants, leave. It's a strong possibility she did sleep with that guy. What's clear to me is if she was really afraid of losing you she wouldn't be pulling this crap. A REAL man with options would just boot a chick like this & a woman who WANTS said man would NEVER act this way. Link to post Share on other sites
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