Never expected to need to post in this forum...

[Daremo_06]

So to catch everyone up on this.. here is my post describing things up till the other day.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/313795-interesting-situation-i-find-myself

 

We spent a few hours together V-day and then she went down to NYC the following morning. Looked at one of the apartments and liked it enough to sign a lease. So she is committed to moving out for March 1st. She came back up from NYC yesterday afternoon and I saw her last night.

 

The reason I am posting over here instead of continuing my thread in Dating?

 

Because if things continue, then I am going to be involved with a married woman. She is still married and has not yet filed anything. She said she is doing one thing at a time. Now I know this is a big red flag, but at the same time, we both have established a level of trust. I believe she is being honest with me. I am remaining cautious though as I have been in this sort of situation before, on both sides actually and went through the meat grinder.

 

I find myself wondering if its possible to wait long enough for her to get through this or if this is going to to turn into a case of "right person, wrong time". Which would really suck.

 

Anyone have any instances of this working out? In my previous experience, it ended badly and hence I am very cautious now. The one reason I am even considering it is because we are somehow really comfortable around each other and like I have talked about in other places, the communication is just so good, so easy, that it really feels like we could pull this off.

 

Thoughts?

[MissBee]

Hi Daremo,

 

You should be cautious. Don't you find it a bit strange you have been in this situation before? I'd take it as the Universe testing me to see if I have learned the first time around. I'd not let it happen to me twice frankly...once would be enough.

 

I don't believe in "right person wrong time"...that means, wrong person to me. As the right person for you, will also come at the right time. I'd continue living my life and not "wait"....if it is meant to be, she will work it out and it will be.

 

Does her husband know she plans to see other people?

[despicableME]

we both have established a level of trust. I believe she is being honest with me.

 

How can you have trust, while being untrustworthy?

 

How can you have honesty, while being dishonest?

 

I'm at a loss.

[carhill]

Thoughts?

Do you want to date and/or live with a married woman?

 

If you do, that. If you don't, that. Make choices to align with your perspective on the dynamic.

 

If she 'went down to NYC' to lease an apartment, this tells me right off that there is no poverty here and it's highly doubtful that the D will be a short and painless venture, if it ever happens.

 

Up to you what you want to do. I went down the 'ambivalence path' as an OM for eight years in one case and that person remained married for another seven after I finally gave it up. Maybe your gal will be methodical and consistent and 'get 'er done'. Who knows?

 

I would say that it's possible there is honesty if she's open and conspicuous about her association with you, her H is up to speed and it is, at minimum, an affair. If it's secret, meh, don't believe anything a MW tells you without independent verification. That's my advice.

 

Good luck.

[Emme]

Thoughts?

 

Too quick, too fast! Slow down.

 

I don't see the hurry in pushing for a relationship so soon. Why don't you take this time to date several women. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

 

If you wish to wait on her, fine. Wait while dating.

 

You are not the OM because you know no facts. You don't even know this woman, only what she tells you.

 

All you are as of now is man in her dating pool. That's it.

All you need to do is make her a woman in your dating pool.

 

When you know more about this woman and the situation at hand then you will know if you are the OM or not.

 

Don't rush love, just enjoy the ride.

[whichwayisup]

Because if things continue, then I am going to be involved with a married woman. She is still married and has not yet filed anything. She said she is doing one thing at a time. Now I know this is a big red flag, but at the same time, we both have established a level of trust. I believe she is being honest with me. I am remaining cautious though as I have been in this sort of situation before, on both sides actually and went through the meat grinder.

Does her husband even know she's considering leaving and divorcing him?

How can you have a level of trust, especially if this turns into a full on affair?

And, how can you put yourself through this AGAIN, knowing all that you've been through before?

Sorry but you're about to make a really bad choice.

 

If you love this woman, tell her to divorce and sort her life out and then you two can date and see eachother the right away.. But to officially start an affair in hopes she'll leave her H for you is ..Crazy. Why do that?

 

 

I find myself wondering if its possible to wait long enough for her to get through this or if this is going to to turn into a case of "right person, wrong time". Which would really suck.

 

IT IS the wrong time, she's MARRIED, so the timing is very off. I hope you see this? She isn't and shouldn't be making it seem like she's available..

 

Anyone have any instances of this working out? In my previous experience, it ended badly and hence I am very cautious now. The one reason I am even considering it is because we are somehow really comfortable around each other and like I have talked about in other places, the communication is just so good, so easy, that it really feels like we could pull this off.

 

Sorry, but I think you're living in a fantasy. Let her divorce first, you stay away (no sex, no intimacy at all) then you two can get together when she is free and single.