Spark1111 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 i agree. if you (general you) decide to embark on an affair with someone who is married, you (general you) don't get to call "no fair" when your heart is broken. you (general you) knew he was married when you chose to have an affair. Is it unfair to the OW that she was lied to and deceived ? .... ethically, yes it is. But, it's like a gorgeous hunk of a fireman that you are attracted to, convincing you to run into the burning building with him cuz he'll put the fire out EVENTUALLY and you will be safe, when every instinct you are ignoring tells you RUN OUT AND AWAY. The house in on fire! The house on fire is his wife, and in choosing to ignore your instincts, convincing yourself he is right, because you so WANT TO BELIEVE HIM, you ignore the fire....and then get burned....are hurt, blame the fire, and are left in the ashes angry, angry, angry....claimed you never saw the fire...the fireman lied to you.... Next time, run away. Listen to your gut and DO NOT talk yourself out of your instincts with a million romaniticized justifications and excuses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I guess it is a believable R when this statement can be used instead of the header in this thread: our R is special. He HAS left his wife to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 The long and short of it is, anyone who doesn't get the intent of the opening post is just never gonna get it. Argue it all you want. Twist it inside and out, backwards and forwards, all you want. It is what it is and it just ain't no more than that. But it is more than that, she is blame-shifting her actions onto the MM. She had no problem abetting the destruction of his family, she knew he loved his wife, knew he had children and was repeatedly told it was going nowhere and now she's playing the victim. Well there's only one victim here and it's not her or him. There's nothing about her actions in the OP, it's all about what he did to her. Now she thinks she deserves to be plan A, why is that? Really? why does she deserve anything? How come she doesn't deserve to be cheated on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I guess it is a believable R when this statement can be used instead of the header in this thread: our R is special. He HAS left his wife to marry me. Ours is. I did. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 But it is more than that, she is blame-shifting her actions onto the MM. She had no problem abetting the destruction of his family, she knew he loved his wife, knew he had children and was repeatedly told it was going nowhere and now she's playing the victim. Well there's only one victim here and it's not her or him. There's nothing about her actions in the OP, it's all about what he did to her. Now she thinks she deserves to be plan A, why is that? Really? why does she deserve anything? How come she doesn't deserve to be cheated on? As long as there is a victim - there also has to be a perpetrator. If that victim role doesn't end...there is value for the OM/OW in playing that role. Breaking out of that role is key - but very difficult for many - mainly because as soon as the role ends they generally go searching for that same role/pattern that they are accustomed to = the victim... But - they MUST find a perpetrator to victimize them... Hmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Wow, I almost didnt read this post because the title threw me. I am still in recovery from having been where you were. My self esteem is still trashed and I am getting ready to spend yet another birthday alone because I wasted time and energy on MM when I could've been meeting/dating others. I remember all of his stories about his "complicated/sad life" his woes, his bs drama. His life was never complicated. He had a real marriage, a real house and a real family. According to him, his wife made him sleep in the garage and was bleeding him dry by sucking all the $$ out of his paycheck. He was just "there for the kids". The same wife that made him sleep in the garage is the same wife he took the Las Vegas, although supposedly that trip was "for the kids" I do know with all my heart that he and I will never be together. I'm not waiting one more second for him. Still, it's been hard trying to date again, as I felt that he and I had a special connection and shared energy that I'm not finding with anyone else. My xMM will NEVER leave his wife. If I were to run into him 15 years from now, he'd still be "hanging in there" and would be staying for the grandkids or because the wife had some illness or whatever. I am moving on..still hurt and angry but accepting reality and moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Motor35 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 good for you, Hazel! very well said Link to post Share on other sites
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