Zisskeit Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Hi Everyone, I hope someone can help me gain some objectivity. I am pretty confused right now. I will give the basic backstory here. So, back in August or September of 2011, I was feeling lonely and reckless and decided to post a Craigslist ad in the Casual Encounters section. Something along the lines of "Hot Cougar Seeking Boy Toy". I got tons of responses and met a guy I'll call Joe. He was really good looking, long, dark hair and green eyes. A little pudgy, not as well-hung as I'd hoped for, but OK. We texted and talked on the phone and finally met. We drank wine and had (mediocre) sex on the first date. We've hooked up a few times, perhaps 6 or 7 times. Again the sex is not wonderful. And I want to be honest here, I am really not very well cut out for the whole FWB thing, even though it seems to be getting a lot of press right now, as an acceptable lifestyle (for some it is, I guess). I'm too emotional (though I always keep my cool, but inside my feelings are intense) and get attached easily. This began to happen with Joe. Weeks would go by and then I'd get a text (never a phone call) about getting together. It was really just hooking up and he was enjoying the sex a lot more than I was, but I still found myself thinking about him all the time and staring at my phone, hoping to hear from him. Long story short: I realize that I don't want FWB. It is not a healthy choice for someone like me. I need love and trust and consistency. He made it clear from the start that he didn't want a gf or anything beyond what we were doing. I began to feel really low during the times I wasn't hearing from him, and, bottom line, I know in my heart it never would go anywhere beyond FWB, at least that is how it seemed to me. However, I don't think I mentioned that he initially rode a scooter (a Honda Ruckus) when we first met. And recently he got a car, which he drove to my house last time he came over, AND he wore a suit jacket. He looked so cute. I felt like he got a car so we could date, and got dressed up just for me. But those are basic things, right? In any case, realizing that despite these cute things, it is still just hooking up, and I want to heal and one day have a real relationship based on love. So, tonight, I told him I could not see him anymore because I was getting emotionally involved. He seemed pretty unaffected, just saying "Why?" and "...but I really love having sex with you and love your company..." Don't judge me for asking this, but, I did the right thing by ending this unsatisfying arrangement, didn't I? Do you think I jumped the gun? Thanks for responding! Edited February 18, 2012 by Zisskeit Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zisskeit Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 can someone please reply or give me some advice on my post? Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 FWB only lasts for so long before one of the "friends" gets emotionally involved. He made it clear from the beginning he wants just sex. I am sure after spending time with you, he does enjoy your comany. Why? because it will lead to sex, which is all he wanted in the first place. Sounds like this type of relationship is compromising your self worth. IMO, end it. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 And recently he got a car, which he drove to my house last time he came over, AND he wore a suit jacket. He looked so cute. I felt like he got a car so we could date, and got dressed up just for me. But those are basic things, right? Right. As the kids say nowadays, "Don't get it twisted." There's no reason to believe he did those things for you. Sorry to be pessimistic but it strikes me more as wishful thinking than reality. In any case, realizing that despite these cute things, it is still just hooking up, and I want to heal and one day have a real relationship based on love. So, tonight, I told him I could not see him anymore because I was getting emotionally involved. He seemed pretty unaffected, just saying "Why?" and "...but I really love having sex with you and love your company..." Don't judge me for asking this, but, I did the right thing by ending this unsatisfying arrangement, didn't I? Do you think I jumped the gun? Thanks for responding!You did the exact right thing. Free yourself from situations that don't serve your goal. Why limit or stifle yourself? Go for that full connection wherein you can get and give love to its fullest. Bah to this and wasting your time, Z. It was a distraction--a little adventure in the off-beat. Now go for your heart's desire. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zisskeit Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 I appreciate your reply so much. I really, really needed to hear that. Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I appreciate your reply so much. I really, really needed to hear that. Thank you so much! Are you kidding?! Any time! Link to post Share on other sites
Way2blue Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Going through pretty much the same thing. I'm going to distance myself. I deserve better and so do you. Link to post Share on other sites
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