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Getting married and my fiance's Ex...


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Steeldog80

I am in the military and have another six months overseas till I get home. I have a fiance and we have a sixth month old daughter. They live with my mother back home and they all get along great. I met my fiance at my last overseas duty station and brought her home when we found out she was pregnant. I love her and she love's me. She's crazy about me and an honest good girl. We plan to get married when I get back. But sometimes I feel like we're rushing marraige. We want to plan a bright future together when I get out of military. You know, start school, work, get our own place to rent, just be a happy together. We both understand it's going to be a struggle at first. The thing is her visa expired and in order to work and school she should be here legally. I'm not marrying her just as an excuse just to fix her papers. I really do love her and our child is a blessing. Marraige should never be rushed if both party's are not ready but we would be short finacially if she can't contribute and work. I know a baby is not an excuse for marriage either.

Lately her ex-boyfriend who lives in the states has been calling and e-mailing her and asking her for advice. She talks to me comfortably him and she never hides anything. She happy to hear from him and assured me they are just good friends. She has other guy friends and it doesn't really bother me when they call. She tells me think of him as one of those guy friends and not her ex-boyfriend. I guess I'm a little insecure but I don't want him coming into the scene down the line in the future. Would they still be attached and have some kind of emotional feelings for each other? I spoke to her respectfully about the way I feel. But I always have this feeling in the back of my mind about their friendship when she tells me he just called. She tells me don't worry about him. I trust her but I think he has something else in mind and wants her back? The way I found this out? Well, she has no internet access at my mother's house. One day before getting off the phone she asked to to clear her mailbox of junk mail. And I guess you can say I found his message while checking her e-mail for her. At the end of one message he says he still loves her. I just want the best for her, myself, and most important our child. She doesn't call him but he calls her. What can you do?

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  • 2 weeks later...
almostANangel

You do not have to marry her instantly to help her stay in the country. You should apply for a fiancee visa, which gives ( I believe) two years to marry. At the same time you can apply for permission to work. Also, save all w-2's, because when/if you file for permanant residentcy (green card) you will need to prove that you are and have gained more than 125% of the poverty line. See AILA website for more info.

 

As for her ex-boyfriend, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Maybe he is still in love with her. So what? If she loves you and is open and honest, who cares what HE wants. Man, I think at some point in everyone's life we have lost someone that we really loved. Just because we want them back doesn't mean that we get them. Good luck!

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