Can't ever be 'just' friends. Did I ruin my chances?

[coopster]

Thanks for that, as harsh as they are, they seem to be true :/

 

I just hate how terrible i feel right now.

Everything in life seems so gloomy and I don't have the same motivation I used to. It's hard to think she is enjoying life without me right now.

 

I can't believe i used to be so happy being single and never being in a relationship and the past 6 months with her was amazing, but the breakup is worse than anything. I wish i could take it all back, but then again...

 

So i should never contact her until she contacts me? Should I try to become friends over time, once I'm ready? I do still care for her, but right now it only hurts to think of her. I want to think of her and not have it hurt. I don't want us to be in this perpetual avoiding game, but is that how most break ups end? I'd had to shove someone out of my life, but i guess if it hurts me more to have them in it then out, then should I do whats best for me right now?

 

I have so many questions, but idk if i want the answers. I just want things to be normal again. I want that instant satisfaction of being happy, not having to wait for time to heal. I thought i was getting through this fine the past couple weeks, but I guess my alterior motive was to always get her back. Everything is over, there is nothing I can fix at this point. There is no way to show her we can fix things, is there? Or does she need to realize that herself?

 

 

 

no contact from now on ok? unless you like being miserable?

 

She`s done. I get that , we all get get that . why cant you? Whats sooo special about her anyway??

[who_knew]

Thanks for all the feedback.

 

It has been an eyeopening experience and I'm so glad I came here to vent rather than to put the pressure on my friends. You have all made me realize that I should just pick up the pieces and get on with life. I'm glad that I did tell her the truth about not being able to be 'just' friends because I would be lying to myself and her the whole time if i didn't.

 

I need to stop thinking about her and get on to doing what I love to do and get myself back out there. I'm still in college and I have a lot ahead of me in terms of work, passion and such and I can't let that fall behind because of her.

 

NO CONTACT starts now and forever until I can finally be emotionally happy with my life and be over her.

Edited February 20, 2012 by who_knew

[who_knew]

I can't believe it takes so much effort to try and not think about her. I'm so idle because I have so much school work and then that leaves me to think about her. I want to be out with friends chilling, but I keep procrastinating because I spend too much time thinking about her. It's just so cold to think she has forgotten about me. I don't think the breakup was at all mean, I'm just such an emotional person I made it appear like that. She is a very amazing girl and she never really got mad or jealous at me, but I took her love for granted and she left without me even being able to blink. I just always have that hope that she will open up to me again and that what keeps me positive, not to think that she's done with me and I should get over her. This is just so ****ed up... I want her love and I wanted to change for her because thats what I needed to do to be a better person and she didn't give me that chance. She made it seem like she needed time and she couldn't handle a boyfriend at the time. The last time i talked to her in person she made it seem like things could work again when she was ready, but i don't know if she was just being kind to me not telling me the truth. I feel like i did become a bit passive aggressive and jealous near the end, but how do I show her that I can change or that I have changed?

 

I just feel so alone even with my friends. I just don't feel normal or fully happy around them anymore. I want new friends, but I don't know how to. I want friends as girls, I want friends that miss me when I'm gone. I don't feel like I have many friends that keep tabs on me. I've made an effort to keep tabs on others, but its still lacking.

 

I guess I'm saying that I'm not happy with myself anymore. I think I'm a very independent person and I tend to do a lot of things alone and a lot of my hobbies I do by myself and I used to be happy with the thought, but I want to surround myself with other people and I want other people to surround themselves to me. How do I even begin?

[RonChalant]

So I'm going to be very blunt in saying what I am about to say...you wont like what I have to say, but in time you will come to realize that its what you need to hear.

 

GET OVER IT!!! I know that it sucks but you have to burry your emotions and keep pushing forward. I feel for you because I was and still am in the same situation...ex broke up with me after 7 years and I felt JUST like you do right now and not to play the "my situation is worse than yours game", but believe me it is lol.

 

I know time fixes everything, but why does it feel like its dragging on so long...? I can't handle this.

 

Let me guess, do you sit around the house all day feeling sorry for yourself? GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Idle time is whats going to make you think about her the most. You dont have to be out partying everyday, but go out and just be. Honestly...go to the gym. Sounds cliche' as hell but I started doing this and it does make you feel better. Time is going to creep by for as long as you dwell. Burry your emotions. They will still be there yes, but burry them.

 

She texted me two weeks ago when she was drunk saying "hey whats up?" and I texted back a 1.5 days later saying things were good and then she realized that it was too early to talk to really talk and then I got a little made because I didn't want her to realize that because maybe she just wanted to talk as friends, but maybe I'm reading into this too much.

 

So i texted her back drunk a week ago saying "hey hows it going?" and then texted her saturday wishing her good luck on an event, no replies to either. I sent her that letter on valentines day.

 

Now I'm going to try NC for as long as i can.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HER! Its hard its hard ITS HARD, but do NOT do it. She is not going to change her mind. You are doing nothing but growing her ego everytime you try to contact her. As much as they hate you contacting them, they need to feel that they can have you if they want. The second you disappear she's going to wonder what is going on. Doesn't mean she'll come back, but she WILL try to contact you in time. It will seem extremely innocent but she's being nosey.

 

From what I'm reading, you are a needy person. Dont feel bad I WAS the same way. But what is this...you and her were only together 6 months...move on my dude 6 months is NOTHING! If thing fell apart in 6 months she is NOT the person for you...6 months should be just the ending of the honeymoon phase, your better off if I read that correctly. Back to being needy, STOP IT! When you put someone elses happiness above your own you WILL be taken advantage of. Women want to be challenged, you gotta tell them to **** off from time to time lol. Dont give her everything she wants...just the needs.

 

You say you want friends...go get some. I was EXTREMELY socially awkward 4 months ago, but I have worked on it and now talking to people is easy. I HATE hearing this but if I can do it so can you because I was horrible socially. I am still a work in process but I love who am am these days.

 

Go out and do you, meet other women. You sitting around thinking about her isnt doing anything. She's out getting ****ed by some guy you dont know and she's enjoying herself without you. Those nights your beating your d1ck she's getting ****ed at that very same moment. That reality SUCKS BALLS but it is the way that things are.

 

Go have fun and live your life...she will only want you back when you want nothing to do with her

[ZimboGon]

I sent my ex a letter saying we could never be friends. I didn't feel that path was right for us, so if we aren't going to be dating then i would not waste my time talking to someone i loved and wanted to be with if those feelings could not be returned.

 

We got back together 3 months later.

[offcloudnine]

@ZimboGon

 

What happened? Could you care to share your story of from the time you sent the letter and till you got back together?

[HeavenOrHell]

Me and my ex (together 18 years) broke up 3 times, he left me, the 1st and 2nd time he couldn't handle it when I said I couldn't be friends as it was too hard for me, and I needed a clean break, we got back together after he moved out a few months the first time and after a few weeks of moving out the 2nd time, the 3rd time we split we stayed friends and it did my head in, it kept hope alive for me, after 6 months I asked him if there was any hope for us and he said he fancied someone else, (an old friend of mine, deep joy!) so staying friends was more painful than stopping contact, but I only needed a few weeks of no contact to enable me to let go, it was all very amicable, we're good friends now, meet up a couple of times a month, both have other partners.

Sometimes ex's come back, sometimes they don't, there's no set rule, we're all different, with different circumstances, and different outcomes.

 

 

 

I sent my ex a letter saying we could never be friends. I didn't feel that path was right for us, so if we aren't going to be dating then i would not waste my time talking to someone i loved and wanted to be with if those feelings could not be returned.

 

We got back together 3 months later.