An incredible irony - very first hearbreak comes back.. after 23 years apart

[sweetheart5381]

I orginally posted this in the break-ups area, but after discovering the second chance area I think it should be posted here instead.

 

The strangest irony has occured in the last 2 weeks - having a hard time knowing what to do.

 

Some background - My most recent bf broke up with me a few weeks ago; he wanted space, I communicated with him, he got angry and broke it off completely. We work together to complicate matters worse. I have been heartbroken over this, I thought that we were great together and love him deeply as both a friend and a lover. This hearbreak is the reason I am here in the first place.

 

Then suddenly out of the blue, last week my very first love and first heartbreak has re-appeared 23 yrs after he broke up with me. I was devastated back then, I offered my love and virginity to him, he accepted and then he dumped me a month later saying he didnt really want a girlfriend. We were just teenagers then, and he has rarely crossed my mind (go figure, it has been many yrs since I was left a crying mess of pain and sadness, but I still remember it well - he in retrospect reminds me of how resilient I can be about love and loss) That's the irony.

 

He has confessed to me in the last week that I was his first love too ( I didnt know that and it caught me off guard) and that he deeply regrets breaking my heart. He told me that he has always thought about me, wondered where I was and hoped I was happy. (we both moved several times, had no idea where each other could be).

 

Bottom line is he would like for us to get to know one another again. Even as just friends. I told him about my recent breakup and he is just fine with hanging out, talking, etc. I am confused about what to do here - 23 years is a long time, people change alot in there life and I dont have feelings for him at the moment but I am concerned about being hurt again, am very vulnerable right now.

 

I swear, life can hand you the strangest ****, almost like a weird soap opera - but its REAL!!

 

Any opinions would be appreciated, this one blows my mind.

[pie2]

You just never know in this life! That's a crazy story. If he's waited this long, do you think he could wait a little more? Maybe you could take a few weeks (or months!) to settle after this last break up, and then agree to get together to talk? Who knows, maybe this is what you've been waiting for! Like I said, you never know.

 

But I would be cautious too...do you think he really had LOVE for you after a short relationship when you were teenagers, or do you think he felt a connection based on lust?

[immitable]

I wouldn't read too much into that.

[shayla]

UGHHHH, FACEBOOK!!!!

 

clearing throat*

 

Forgive that outburst. So how was he able to find you after so many years? I would personally be very skeptical about this sudden profession of his never dying love for you after more than 20 years. It is easy to put "the one that got away" on a pedestal and time can also blur the details.

[sweetheart5381]

You just never know in this life! That's a crazy story. If he's waited this long, do you think he could wait a little more? Maybe you could take a few weeks (or months!) to settle after this last break up, and then agree to get together to talk? Who knows, maybe this is what you've been waiting for! Like I said, you never know.

 

But I would be cautious too...do you think he really had LOVE for you after a short relationship when you were teenagers, or do you think he felt a connection based on lust?

 

Thanks for the feedback.

 

We have been chatting for the last little bit, getting to know one another and I think he genuinely cared for me back then. Love as a teenager is far different in depth than love as a mature 30 something but as an emotion it is still valid. He seems to be quite willing to wait, has not pushed to go out on a date, absolutely no mention of sex, just that he thinks I am pretty, that he always thought I was.

 

I am still very wary, and do not wish to hurt him by making him a "rebound" but I do feel that he would like to make up the hurt to me in whatever way possible, and at the very least he would like to be forgiven and to be friends.

 

Life is strange.. I don't believe in fate, but this one certainly has odd timing!

[sweetheart5381]

UGHHHH, FACEBOOK!!!!

 

clearing throat*

 

Forgive that outburst. So how was he able to find you after so many years? I would personally be very skeptical about this sudden profession of his never dying love for you after more than 20 years. It is easy to put "the one that got away" on a pedestal and time can also blur the details.

 

He and I are both relatively new to Facebook - I was there before but left for privacy reasons (my abusive ex-bf's most recent ex's were bothering me, telling me about his affairs with them... they both felt guilty after he did it to them too - I just got tired of hearing about it) He was never on FB before.

 

He didnt profess an undying love for me - he told me that in hindsight he regrets that he let me go and that I was his first love.

 

I don't see him as the one that got away - I honestly dont even know what that refers to, I dont have regrets in my life with regard to relationships.

 

I will be honest and say that the details of him and I together are blurry at best, remnants of emotions now.

 

I am very skepical of all men at this point, their intentions, etc. My last lured me into a committed relationship and then jumped ship when emotions surfaced and he knew I loved him. I intend to take everything nice and slow, a snail's pace so to speak. Just want to be sure I am doing the right thing by communicating after this long, especially after such a recent hearkbreak.

 

Thanks for your feedback.