1 year post Break Up

[loverboy1984]

Hello everyone. Some of you may remember me. I havent posted here in awhile but have been checking out the site from time to time.

 

So Its been almost 1 year since my break up (March 12 would be 1 yr) and I just thought I write about how my journey has been and ask for some advice going forward. I appreciate you reading and responding in advance.

 

Background

So I was with my gf for a little over 6yrs. and for about 16 months we were long distance. Then She moved to NY from CA to pursue grad school and also because she knew I was going to also be there for my clinical years of Medical School. Around this time last year I got a weird feeling in my chest and had a premonition that she was kissing a guy and texted her. She called me later that night and I asked her if that ever happened and she said yes, and that she didnt want to tell me because she knew I was studying for my Medical Board Exam, The most important test a doctor to be will ever take. She asked for a break and I told her I love her and dont want to lose her but I let her have it. It was hard studying not knowing what was going on. A week later I asked her what our status was and she said its over. He reason was we were growing apart, even though a few weeks ago she was telling me I was worth waiting for an Im her soulmate. I went NC and fought the urge to contact her. I contacted her once later to get closure but she never gave me any reason, just wishy washy excuses. Then I asked if she was seeing someone and she said yes and it was the same guy she kissed. She never told me his name. Although she denies it I know she left me for him and I know they have been flirting while we were together. She has classic GIGS and she has always been in a relationship with someone all her life. The distance I guess made her want someone.

 

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Since then....

 

My last communication was in Sept when she wished me a Happy Birthday and I just said thanks. No Xmas or New Year text. She has also taken our pictures out of FB, I ofcourse defriended her from the start. Still in NC. I passed my board exam but got an ok score, so I was a bit disappointed because I could have done better. I was a mess emotionally and studying was difficult. I was saving and planning to propose to her next summer in Paris. I could not believe someone who loved me so much could leave me so cheaply. Since my Break Up I have moved to NY. I have completed my training in Family Medicine, Internal Medicine, ObGyn. I have helped save lives and see people pass away. I have learned alot, Delivered almost 20 babies and become a stronger person. I have also dated a few girls but broken it off with all of them because I either wasnt ready, didnt have the time, or i saw way to many red flags. Im not gonna lie I have become a little jaded. I am skeptical of people and love after seeing what happened to me. My would have been 7 yr anniversary just passed and I wonder if she still thinks of me or if I will ever hear from her again. I have become a little self conscious because of the rejection but my confidence has come back for the most part. Im a good looking guy, have a great family, educated and I am someone who did alot for her so I cant believe why I wasnt good enough for her all the sudden. I have delt with guilt and insecurities since and I keep going up and down with my confidence but overall its gotten better.

 

I feel like I cant trust anyone still. If I found the one and she expressed her unconditional love to me I would find it hard to believe because my ex was the same. I have a busy life right now and work over 80hrs a week at the hospital and will be a doctor in a year and I wonder if I will ever find someone. I guess thats the part of me thats still sad. I still love her but dont think I can have her back after she almost sabotaged my life. But I do wonder if she will ever be back.

 

I have been tempted to text her to see whats going on but I feel like theres no point. I feel like shes moved on and its time I finally do to. The funny thing is that Im not one bit jealous of the guy she is with. I know he has big shoes to fill. I took her in my home, my family gave her a place, work and helped her be comfortable so she can study and pursue her goal of going to grad school, when her family couldnt provide for her. I showed her love and I invested in her dream because seeing her happy made me happy.

 

Now Im just trying to focus on finishing up my clinical rotations and getting my MD degree and see what life throws at me. I know that this break up was for the best and it was better for her to leave me now then later but its doesnt make it easier.

 

I feel like I have reached acceptance but not completely indifferent. Not sure if I should continue NC ( havent spoken to her since july, last text in sept). I still wonder if shes happy with her new guy and how long that will last. What I do know is that shes never had a gap between her relationships. I guess now Im starting to see everything now that my rosey goggles are off.

[BoredAgain]

Thanks for posting this update, I'm happy to have read it.

 

I definitely think we are similar in a lot of ways, with the exception that you're clearly smarter and more studious - congrats on becoming a doctor! It hasn't been anywhere close to a year for me, but I understand your skepticism toward relationships. It's tough knowing that even genuine feelings of undying love, even after years of a happy relationship, can change so suddenly. But I think (read: I hope) that when you do meet somebody you really like, you will be able to put aside the actions of your Ex in order to give this person a fair chance.

[loverboy1984]

Thank you. I'm glad someone read my post after so many views. All I can say is even though I have taken her off the pedestal and realized she was never good for me I still can't help compare everyone I meet to her. Part of me worries I will not be able to have what I had with her with anyone else because in my line of work I don't get as much exposure to potentials. Also part of me still wants her to regret what she did.

[Bito]

Thank you for the update glad to see your doing better. Perhaps you would be better off staying single for a while longer. Once you reach the point where you are perfectly happy with yourself everything happens the way it is supposed to. Good Luck my friend.

[Frank13]

I feel like I have reached acceptance but not completely indifferent. Not sure if I should continue NC ( havent spoken to her since july, last text in sept). I still wonder if shes happy with her new guy and how long that will last. What I do know is that shes never had a gap between her relationships. I guess now Im starting to see everything now that my rosey goggles are off.

 

Stay NC. There is no point in breaking it. You aren't even getting bread crumbs. It doesn't matter if she is happy with the new guy or not. If she is still with him, you have to assume she is.

 

I assume she knows how to get in touch with you if she wanted back. Stay NC and the indifference will come.

[Mr Scorpio]

Hopefully you've taken solace in the fact that you chose a very noble career which should bring meaning to your life regardless of who else is in it. Also, understand that your feelings are not uncommon; while I've taken my ex off the pedestal, I would still compare other women to her. Much like yourself, I've become jaded from experience. However, you were still able to open up enough to date other women, which is another positive step to feel good about!