Bitter Aftertaste

[Chameleon]

Three years ago I moved in with a couple for financial reasons. They had a newborn child. I knew the guy, but not very well. I stayed out of their way at first, but four months in the guy exploded. Quit his job, left the woman and her child in the apartment with me.

 

I didn't want to get involved, but of course I did. For the next six months I helped out with her and her son. I grew extremely attached to them, like a family, but it was always awkward. She always spoke very highly of the other guy, and not very kindly of me unless she was drunk. We made out a few times, but I kept turning her down. Finally, we tried to have sex and.. I just wasn't into it. Some combination of broken confidence about her fascination with this guy who treated her so poorly and a sense that what I was doing was wrong.

 

Christmas Eve he rolled back in. I went to bed early, had headphones on, but couldn't sleep. Hours later I was still awake, music wasn't helping, and when I took the earbuds out I could hear them going at it through the vents in the house. Possibly the worst night of my life. The next day I told her I couldn't stay there, and I moved out. She was furious, told me I was average. Boring. Unattractive.

 

Since then, I'm not proud of who I've become. It's like I have something to prove. I keep everyone at a distance, but I'm also acting like an arrogant jerk under the pretense of being more attractive. It's like I've taken the false bravado that kept her under this other guy's spell and made that somehow a desirable trait. I've alienated friends, and I don't feel like I deserve a relationship. I don't even remember what's good about them.

 

She looked me up a year later to apologize. She had a lot of nice things to say about me, but it fell on deaf ears. I was angry with her. I was angry with myself. Instead I just let it inflate my ego. I don't want to be this guy anymore. This was never who I was, or what I respected. Part of me just wants to stay away from people, but I know that's no solution.

 

How do I recover from this? It's been years already, why am I so broken?

[standtall]

Chameleon...you're not broken,it is the alpha male thing. He is an alpha male, you're not. That Gf of his, or whatever she was, is attracted to alpha's...she made that clear to you with these statements

 

She was furious, told me I was average. Boring. Unattractive.

 

She meant that you were boring and un-attractive to her. Sorry, but the bad boys get a lot of women for a reason.

[Emme]

How do I recover from this? It's been years already, why am I so broken?

 

 

I commend you for stepping up and helping her in her time of need. I know many people would have turned a blind eye and not help her when she needed it. The fact that her comments were cruel is why it's getting to you. You were there when the father of the child ran out and left. That is a fact. Look at yourself in a positive light. You can recover from this by knowing who you really are as a person with a heart who is caring. Don't allow someones words to define you because honey what you did for her, her words mean nothing.

 

You are more than average. The average man would not have stepped up and cared for another a mans child.

 

You are more than boring. You put your life on hold to help her in her time of need to raise that child.

 

You are more than unattractive. You have a beautiful heart and that makes you beautiful inside and out.

 

Positive reinforcements. Appreciate who you really are. Don't feed into the negativity. Chin up.

[Barrsitter]

OP - you asked "how do I recover from this?"

 

That's easy. Decide to. Then do it.