Is it okay for married people to flirt?

[trustxone]

My question is it okay if your ex flirts with you and your both married to other people? What do you consider flirting? How far can you safely go without it being emotional cheating or affair? Is it okay if my husband's ex did it in front of me knows I am his wife and I am pregnant with our first child?

 

She claims to only want to be friends and doesn't want anything romantic. No she was not asked this question she volunteered. My spouse and his ex DON'T have ANY children together. I only know how to ask this question by giving an example.

 

They have never been friends before only romantic in the past. I just wanted some time to my husband without ex's getting involved since we have only been married for a couple of years.

 

Healthy or just wanted to be friends? If the ex still brings up the past both good and bad a lot specially if she doesn't get her way? If she doesn't seem to want me included in their friendship she only wants to socialize with him in person. She only contacts him via work phone or his mobile. Even though we told her we have a landline number that is listed. That we would prefer she only reaches us on our house phone. She continued to contact him only via text on his mobile and claims she doesn't recall that conversation.

 

She flirted with my husband in front of me and others. It was very awkward. The way she introduced me to herself the first time by making sure that I knew they had a lot of past history together. She kept bring up their past together.

 

 

Her body language gestures were very flirty. For example leaning in and close body contact towards him the entire time. She touched his hand first to turn them palms up and then traced the cuts he had on his hand from work with her fingers. She made a commented on how he had mechanic hands afterwards.

 

 

She was texting him every day at first. She took him aside away from me by pulling on his hands to speak with him in private. Supposedly to ask him to be friends and hangout. She lives 7 miles from both my husband's work and our home. They have never been friends before only were intimate many years ago. Until recently they haven't spoken in 3 years and haven't' seen each other in 6.

 

 

I told my husband how I felt he said he would not be her friend and no more contact. My husband's ex contacted him again he told her to stop contacting him and he didn't want a friendship. She became very angry, hostile, and cried. She continue to text my husband complaining that he was being mean, unfair and she didn't so anything wrong his a jerk like always.

 

 

 

Her husband got involved and apparently our feels and actions are immature. I only asked to be respected and see nothing wrong with my husband and I making boundaries which we did before we asked her to stop contact. That is what healthy people do, but luckily we haven't heard from her since. Though my husband say he thinks we will again.

Edited February 20, 2012 by cmydust

[carhill]

Sounds like your boundary is fair and healthy.

 

Her words and actions caused you discomfort; she is apparently not a friend of the marriage, nor is her H.

 

The only sticky wicket, and this boils down to trust, is do you trust your H's words on this matter or have you verified his agreement with your boundary independently?

 

Welcome to LS

[standtall]

No, not in front of you. I would view that as very disrespectful as i would never, ever give another woman that kind of attention in front of my wife. In your case your husband is not participating and you cannot control her very much so your only recourse is to limit your interaction with her.

Edited February 20, 2012 by standtall

[HHC]

It's okay to flirt with a married person, or as a married person if the people involved are okay with it.

 

If you and your husband are not okay with it, then her actions were uncalled for and out of line. If neither of you put much thought to what they mean or her intentions and are okay with it, then there is no issue.

 

The issue of boundaries are for the couple to decide, not other people

Edited February 20, 2012 by HHC

[make me believe]

Wow! This is absolutely NOT ok!! Your husband doesn't need to be "friends" with his ex, especially since she obviously has no respect for your relationship with him. If I were you I would be extremely worried about why my husband insisted on staying in contact with a woman who disrespected me & our marriage so badly. If she contacts him again he should IGNORE HER. Anything else is unacceptable. He knows that if he responds to her she will cry and complain that they should be able to be friends. So if he does respond and get involved with her again, you will know that he did it WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY. Huge, huge red flag. Your boundaries are totally appropriate and your husband is crossing the line with his "friend." Not ok.