Author Bradly Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Its late, She's here... Under the same roof as me... And it feels so good. I was nothing but nice to her tonight. Warm, I let her tuck the the kids in. It was obvious she missed doing that. she really is a good mommy. The boys missed her so much and each got a little alone time with her. I on the otherhand handled everything with complete control. very upbeat, happy, and glad to have her here. OMG, I love this woman! But, didnt show my OCD about us. I was cool and kept my distance. I know she is tired and stressed. She grabbed my hand and said goodnight and that was all I needed... Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheart88 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 well i cant say too much because ive never been in anything like yours and i really wish you luck in this. But it also sounds to me like there is more to the story than shes letting on. maybe its another man, maybe it isnt...if you are attempting to make this work you need her to talk to you really confront you. why else would she be leave you for those remedial reasons and her sons? somewhere that far?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) If there is another man... Well screw it, time will tell. But you know what? I don't care!! Cause I know for a fact he's not half the man I am. She's in a WAW fog. All she could tolk about was her job and how busy she has been. With or with out her i am so so much under control. I did everything right. She broke down and let me know her feelings about me. I just listened and didn't say a word. How that she cares for me but isn't in love with me. You wouldn't believe how much she revealed... I have done so much researched it was like I knew every word she was going to say next. I just sat there and let her talk. I responded with absolutly nothing... I didn't let it bother me at all. I pretended it was all,cool. I deserve a free freeken medal. The words that came out her mouth were truthful but yet so crazy. The woman I thought i married was opening up to me like no other, but I just let her say everything. It hurt so bad but It was like I didn't care. feeling weird but at the same time it felt good. It was almost like she was expecting me to get angry and start to fight back... But I didn't. Because I know she loves me, and not realizing what she's saying... She was trying reason her feelings. And the fact that I didnt even fight back was confusing her. I stayed cool and just listened. Edited March 3, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheart88 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 sounds like she desperately wanted a reaction from you. almost like to know that you still care... but what you did was amazing, it took a lot of strength... something hopefully i could get to one day soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 (edited) I still have to go to bed... Just a few inches away form her.. Oh so much do I want to just grab her and snuggle.. I don't want sex, I just want to hold her tonight Edited March 3, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) it was a nice visit overall, she was really cold to me but i gave her distance and played it cool... she told me that she really wants to get that loving feeling back for me but just cant right now... it is what it is. Edited March 6, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) I must be honest... I tried to kiss her the last night she was here... She rejected me like a hobo on a train. I felt so stupid...then i tried to express my feelings and she didnt want to hear it.. Then lost my temper and kicked the end table and scared her. So I just went to bed and she slept on the couch. The next day she was nice to me but we didn't really talk... After she leaves, two days later she sends me the worlds longest text, what do you Think? The true words from a WAW... Wife : I really did enjoy being home and with the kids and you and my dad. You and i have too much fun and get along so well i think it can be confusing for both of us especially when alcohol is involved. Somtimes i honestly wish we didnt get along so effing good cuz then it wouldnt be so hard for me to understand my feelings. I havnt called you cuz as you know its hard for me especially when its emotional stuff like im going thru since your outburst the other nite.* Part of me cant stop crying and cant understand then part of me says i egg you on cuz we have a good time together and then i turn you down so im sorry for that. Its easy to be best friends with you but its not so easy for me to go beyond that right now. I know youve changed. You are actually acting more mature and accountable now than you ever have the whole time ive know you and i am so impressed, blown away and proud of you. However it does involve my heart as well and making it feel somthing im struggling to feel again is hard. Im so goddamn sorry this hurts and pisses you off but i can only be honest with you and open and not hold back. Its not good for either one of us if i am fighting a silent war in my head about us and our love of lack there of for each other. Everything i say to you is from my heart and its the best i can do cuz i will not hide it from you just to be comfortable which is somthing i, and im sure you, yearn for again. I love you and always will. We have a connection that will never be broken and i hope you can truly believe i feel that way cuz its the honest truth. I should have opened up to you much much earlier in our relationship and it tears me up inside every minute i didnt. It was so unfair to you and i am so sorry cuz it wasnt right. You are a good man. Ive always appreciated and been thankful i have a man who is an amazing dad to our boys. They could not be more fortunate. Although ive stressed about your commitment to your jobs and lack of motivation at times throughout our marriage i do realize and am thankful ive been provided for and allowed to be home to raise our boys the best i know how even if it wasnt perfect or near that. And FYI i did read about the walk away wife. It pisses me off a bit cuz when men walk away theyre not given a name and articles arent written about it, however it was good information nonetheless. Its opened my eyes a bit to what youre going thru and even what i am too. Anyway please lets just be adults about all this for us and our sons. We owe that to them. They are little sponges that dont need to hear our troubles and daddys outbursts. Im not picking on you here but i dont fly off the handle when i find out that youve been in some kind of communication with a woman who was supposedly the love of your life before me.* It hurts plain and simple even though you play it down, it is what it is. I have to get back to my stuff here, but just felt i owed you some kind of communication regardless of how ive been affected by the event this past sunday. Know you and my boys are on my mind every minute every day and im continuously questioning my every move and analysing over and over my decisions and actions hoping i am doing whats right by you and our sons without being selfish. My gut tells me i am at this point even if its the effing hardest thing ive ever done. Im sorry this is so damn much to read, its just easier for me than talking to you at this time. I hope you understand. Edited March 16, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 the thing that stands out to me the most is the abandoned the boys. She can still find herself and be there at this critical time for them--they are going to have issues because Mom decided to leave for something 'better'. You both have a history together and every long relationship goes through plateaus. You're not going to have that honeymoon thing after x amount of years and 2 kids later. But the fact that she asked you why you'd not texted is a good thing--she was missing that. She need not be all those miles away---the kids need her the most. She should come back to be with them, not a part time Mom. They are suffering here. Maybe if you started dating again and had fun together. You are alway going to be connected my friend--I don't think that this is over. She seems to be going through a depression and I have to wonder if she has seen her gyn about it. Hormonal changes, feeling 'blah', not attractive, but some stranger made her feel alive again---that **** is temporary. Your hearts are connected if at least for the children. She needs to come back and be a family. having kids is not a club she can just resign from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) Thanks, I totally agree.. I can sorta understand not missing me, but she hasn't called her children in a week... We did go on a date and is great, (except the parts where she was telling me her feelings) overall we a great date. I just moved too fast when I tried to kiss her. Hopefully next time she visits I'll keep my distance. I have little better understanding of what is going on in her head. She wants to love me but she cant because of all the years of resentment she's built up. I'm gonna wait for her to make the next move. Meanwhile the 180 and low contact is helping me, I'm not glued to my phone as much anymore, I'm not as obsessed about what's she's doing all the time anymore. I'm just so lonely... :-( Edited March 16, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 I give up... low contact has become no contact as of now... Lets see how it feels to be ignored. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 SOMEBODY PLEASE SLAP ME!!! I want to text/call her SOOO bad today!! Today I miss her, yesterday I hated her, WTF is wrong with me??? I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her...I will not contact her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) i don't know if anyone is listening to me but it just feels good to post... She called tonight.. first i let it go to voice mail, then she called back. She talked to both boys...Then to me and Some crying about how she missed the kids.. and i could tell she missed me too, because i sent her something in the mail (broke 180 i know) .. i know her well... but i was all business, talked about school, bills and whatnot, Shes not doing good, but i feel stronger tonight. Edited March 21, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Your doing good, keep going mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Just keep trucking mate, your doing amazingly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 26, 2012 Author Share Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) Thanks! She called 3 times tonight... I let the kids answer... Then they handed me the phone and I told her I couldn't talk cuz I don't feel good. And hung up on her... I RULE!!! Edited March 26, 2012 by Bradly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted March 26, 2012 Share Posted March 26, 2012 Thanks! She called 3 times tonight... I let the kids answer... Then they handed me the phone and I told her I couldn't talk cuz I don't feel good. And hung up on her... I RULE!!! It is great that you hung up on her. From my opinion, letting your kids answer when you know it is her means you are using your kids as pawns between you two. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Well... Guess what? I did some research (snooping) and the OM lives 25 miles from where she is... I know.. Big surprise.. I'm a dummy. Just not sure what to do now. I can't function at this point... Link to post Share on other sites
blindesided Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 That has to hurt - Its always nice to live in a world of not knowing - but once you know - its hard. Stay strong - be there for the kids - only communicate with her about them - take care of yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted April 18, 2012 Author Share Posted April 18, 2012 I'm hiring a PI... This should be interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Mate im really worried about you, dont do the PI, do you really need to know? It wont be good news either way... For your own well being you need to concentraite on getting better and try to stop dwelling. It sounds like your hitting back to day 1 all the time. Wheres that spunky bradly who was all guns blazing about not caring, find him again thats who you need to be to really start healing! Link to post Share on other sites
AcaciaStrain Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 A year ago a girl i had being going out for, for a number of years got GIGS syndrome and left me for another bloke. I Begged, pleaded thought she was the only one that could make me happy. She played me like a mother****er until she went to far and i lost my love for her. Started dating another girl whom is absolutely gorgeous and have so much in common with. Shame that never lasted. But now the tables have turned and now she's begging for me back. She's texted me about 50 times today in actual fact. I've ignored everything, because simply i don't want anything to do with her and i'm totally over her. Just look after yourself, your kids and keep your head up high. What ever will happen will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) Mate im really worried about you, dont do the PI, do you really need to know? It wont be good news either way... For your own well being you need to concentraite on getting better and try to stop dwelling. It sounds like your hitting back to day 1 all the time. Wheres that spunky bradly who was all guns blazing about not caring, find him again thats who you need to be to really start healing! Thanks for you concern Follower, I'm doing ok... It felt like day 1 all over again when I discovered the OM lived so close. I had a major nervous breakdown and panic attract. I mean I laid in bed for almost 48 hours striaght... I told my boys I was sick. I couldn't stand up without being dizzy. I was a complete mess! I want the spunky Bradly to come back, ( its ironic you called me that, because my buddy called me "spunky B" when he witnessed me in that state as well) I'm doing better today. It is what it is and your right. I need to get ahold of myself again. I've doing a lot of thinking lately, about how cold she treated me over the years... I do deserve better. It is like my close friend told me "she doesn't deserve my love" I missed you guys, I went into a deep depression and didn't talk to anybody for a while. I'm here, will get strong again, for me and for my boys. No PI Thanks, Soon to be spunky B Edited April 19, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Glad to hear it mate! Sounds like you just had the same double dip i went into... Good news the second spark of energy to self improve and move on is far far more productive and genuinly more helpfull to your mental well being Right now im at the Dont give a F*ck stage and i tell you this time i think i genuinily dont give a f*ck apposed to the pretending to oneself i dont care i had the first time around. Glad your not doing the PI that would have been a slippery slope indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Time to lawyer up here or else you could end up loosing custody of your kids. Dont trust what she says, get in black and white from a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted April 27, 2012 Author Share Posted April 27, 2012 Guess what? Now... I don't give a ***** anymore!!! I went out last Sat night and met a girl... And she worships me... She Thinks I'm the best guy ever. It won't last but makes me feel so good! She calls me, hot, sexy, and gorgeous... I know it's crazy but it feels so good to hear! I told her everything and warned her not to get involved but she doesnt care.. She wants to be my friend with beneifits.. Holy crap my life is a Lifetime movie. I forgot how much fun single life can be... Im gonna talk to a lawyer this week... It's over. There's plenty of fish in the sea who can treat me like I want to be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
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