Why do exes contact you weeks/months later?

[smoke_n_mirrors]

I have always wondered about this...

 

Why do exes contact you weeks and months down the line? Just, why?!

 

In almost one week nearly all of my exes have messaged me on FB, Twitter or texted me about some menial thing they are not a part of. I've gotten the 'hey how are you?'s to "can i ask you something?"s (which they can google on their own, thanks) to the nosy "what happened?"s when I post something. It's kinda annoying. I mean, I could easily delete these people but I tend to forget because they've lost meaning to me and sometimes it's just not worth the effort or ensuing backlash.

 

Do I respond? No.

 

Does it upset me? Sometimes, just a little bit.

 

Why do you message your exes? What do you do when your exes message/contact you?

[Mr Scorpio]

I assume that it varies from person to person. Some might contact you out of guilt and concern over your emotional well-being. Others might do it in a sincere attempt to develop a platonic friendship. They also might do it for the ego boost they receive if you reply to their "crumbs".

 

When my ex e-mailed me four months after dumping me, I ignored the e-mail for ten months, only responding after she sent several more. To each their own.

[Kamila]

Why do you message your exes? What do you do when your exes message/contact you?

 

I never really ever messaged an ex. I only contacted them when we were 'in a relationship'. And in the relationship they weren't as keen to message me. It's when you put your foot down that exes notice you. When you're being indifferent and hard to get. I have the impression people would like to please others and be on a good page with everyone.

 

But being in a relationship with someone isn't about only pleasing the other. It's a relationship of a totally other level. There's intimacy, huge trust between the partners, future planning, love, etc ... It's a bit different than friendship or colleagues. Okay, sometimes friendship can be stronger than a love relationship. But in my case, I find it degrading when an ex asks me 'how am i doing ?' or 'do you want to meet up for coffee'.

 

When a couple months earlier he was basically shouting at the phone that he wanted to break up with me or whatever. Meh. It's annoying, it's like the cat's coming purring and you don't know what to do. Is it a genuine message, do they intend well ? I don't like the idea of lovers becoming friends after a break-up, certainly not when you would have liked the relationship to continue. I'm friends with an old ex, but that was because we were very good friends before and we evolved to lovers. But the last relationship i had with this guy, no thanks, he's a player, who knows he's sending this message to 10 other chicks and waits for someone to take the bait.

 

It depends which ex is sending the message i think.

I also look at the package of the message. Was it well written ? Like mentioning your name, being polite, the time and effort they put into. My first ex screwed things up and he sent me a nice email with apologizing and stuff and really admitting his fault. THEN I was able to trust him again and now we're great friends again.

 

But my last ex, he's being careless, he's not even writing me an email, just some plain text, like i'm worth that 10 cent whatever. It really pisses me off. I even phoned him to beg him to listen to me before we broke up. He just laughed at me then. Those nasty things really stick in my head and I can't get past them. It's how they treated you before that will make you treat them in this or that way. And really it's very personal. It depends on the ex. If I get a text message from my ex, which is highly unlikely, I will treat him like dirt in my response.

 

Eww, i'm angry today.

I hope you liked my personal views on my experiences

[Buttercup84]

After almost 7 months , my ex contacted me twice . He even write me this long email saying he wants to be with me again . He was just lonely , guilty and going through a hard time and used me as a crutch , then tossed me aside again .

 

If they contact you it's hardly ever sincere and they hardly have your best interest at heart .

[ffw]

I have always wondered about this...

 

Why do exes contact you weeks and months down the line? Just, why?

 

It depends upon the ex, but soem common reasons are:

 

- Wanting assurance that you still like them

- Ego stroke

- Make themselves feel better

- To get rid of the loneliness untill someone better comes along

- Sometimes the hardest thing to let go in a failed relationship is the dream or fairy tale ending they hoped it would be.

[Emilia]

In almost one week nearly all of my exes have messaged me on FB, Twitter or texted me about some menial thing they are not a part of. I've gotten the 'hey how are you?'s to "can i ask you something?"s (which they can google on their own, thanks) to the nosy "what happened?"s when I post something. It's kinda annoying. I mean, I could easily delete these people but I tend to forget because they've lost meaning to me and sometimes it's just not worth the effort or ensuing backlash.

 

Do I respond? No.

 

Does it upset me? Sometimes, just a little bit.

 

Why do you message your exes? What do you do when your exes message/contact you?

 

Smoke and mirrors indeed. If they bother you that much, you should take them off your friend list rather than look for reasons to get annoyed by them. If you forget about them how come this bothers you? What do you mean by the 'ensuing backlash'? You think they will beat you up for unfriending them?

 

If you want contact then have it. If you don't then delete them. They think you are being social and want to keep in touch, they don't realise you are making such a drama out of it all.

[smudge21]

I've had those breadcrumbs and in the early days they used to give me those happy feelings, there would be some responses and for a short while, my hopes would be raised... only to be crushed once her ego had been re-filled and she went all quiet again.

 

Once I'd finally said goodbye it went quiet for a while but they started again, just basic "hello's" and questions that Google could've easily answered faster than me. I used to ignore them, felt bad at first, but felt fine eventually. Now though I've realised that a nice way to stop them is to reply, being nice and friendly. I know that it will feed her ego and she'll go quiet again, which I'm fine with. I recognise the pattern and understand what is going on, so it doesn't affect me. Oh and due to mutual work/friends, I do keep things polite and really have no ill will towards her (so am not about to tell her to leave me alone).

 

The contact is fading now, pretty much all gone, but I do still recall how confusing and upsetting it can be when an ex, especially the dumper, makes contact - for them it's just an ego boost, for us dumpees it can be very hard to deal with.