Cluster B Personality Disorders

[pureinheart]

Believe me, never again will I ever date anyone with Cluster B dominant personaity traits.

 

I dated several with these behaviors, it's not fun and extremely destructive:sick:

[CopingGal]

Don't forget politicians.

 

Funny enough, my country is atm in the midst of a Constitutional Crisis brought on by someone who is trying to save the ass of a former communist secret service general from jail, and which if born just a few decades earlier would have made for a fine Dictator.

His own mother a few yrs back had him see a doctor and gave an interview where she said he was nuts.

 

 

Yes. I wrote politicians as well and then removed it. I was so afraid someone would take that as yet another excuse to talk dirt about the president. Yes, and of course not all politicians are sociopaths or have strong traits, but many of them do.

 

Someone had mentioned that on a website that was about the Attorney General, Elliot Spitzer. He was putting people in jail for prostitution. This same man was found to be having an ongoing affair with a prostitute. My gosh, he saw this hooker the day before Valentines Day. His wife was next to him when he tried to explain to the country about it...saying it was a private manner, blah, blah. His wife just stood there. The news people said she was in shock. That alone doesn't mean he had traits, but the people on the website used Spitzer as an example of sociopathy in politics.

Edited July 15, 2012 by CopingGal

[betterdeal]

Thank you for your reply and concern.

You are right, that i may be still prone to another encounter. Thank god, this one hasnt made a serious move again yet. Anything that he has tried to do (anger manipulation, Knight in shining armor acts etc) ive dealt with them ok and didnt link them to any feeling he might have for me. A month ago, id be falling for him again.

 

It's sounds like it was a very difficult time for you.

 

About calling me names..Well, i dont feel good about the affair, although at that time it felt "right" as if what we felt for each other was true. I did feel guilty back then too, dont get me wrong, but it was like .."justified"? To be honest, i did not know and still dont, what came over me when i was agreeing to the affair. I had no idea what i was getting in to. I was blinded by love. I did love him truely, as for him, maybe he did too, doesnt matter now. It felt real, so i can only assume it was at that time.

 

It's interesting that you say you were "blinded by love". Do you often let your emotions run your life against your internal code of practice, ethics, moral compass or such like? Or is this specific to intimacy?

 

I ask that in part because earlier you said you believed him when he said he felt you were soulmates or the missing other half. The notion of a soul mate or other half is popular, and originates from the Ancient Greeks.

 

I find it a lovely idea, but don't believe it. I also think it is harmful, and your story exemplifies why it is harmful. I believe there are lots of people with whom you can have a happy, long and meaningful relationship with; there is no other half moulded to fit you exactly. It is this idea of an other half that leads us to drop our guard completely, to become totally open to someone else's whims. It is healthy everyone involved to maintain some guardedness: some mystery and independence is a good thing for a relationship. It also helps us to be able to call it a day, end things, when it's good for us to.

 

Your advise about searching what makes me blame and call me names and him too, is good. I will try to dig that up, thanks!

 

That's not quite what I want to suggest: I was thinking more of, what made you do something you felt guilty about doing. Guilt tells us we've done something we believe is wrong to have done. So what was it in us that led to us doing so? It's by finding that out that you're more likely to not make the same mistake again.

 

When i differ reality from his reality, i mean it literally. He had this world made out for me and if he saw i was budging even an inch, he'd place me back in it. He had all these stories and excuses for everything. "Coincidences" were high too. For example, he could not call me and id go crazy and everytime something happened, like an accident, trouble at home, but it was always "serious". Im writing this regarding the nature of the relationship, meaning, i do take note that sometimes, some things were true, but im talking about the times where his absence was truely un excusable, yet an "accident" always occured. Last thing about "his reality" and "reality" ( general reality,facts, not emotions)...last couple of weeks that im not buying his lies and confronting him with them and actually standing my guards, i drove him to a point where he said "from now on, you will believe whatever i say", as if he's some sort of magician or something. It was always everyone elses fault, never his. If a common friend said something about what they did the other night, he could call them all liars just to cover up his behaviour.

 

I hope i made sense.

 

You do make sense: I misread to begin with. So, out of interest, did he tell you what would happen if you didn't believe whatever he said? What are the consequences of not thinking for yourself?

 

I realise you suggest he was trying to brain wash or hypnotise you, but it would be fun to ask him "Or what? What will happen if I don't?" when he gives such orders.

 

About me feeling secure, apparantly, i needed to. Maybe whoever made me feel that way at that time, would be my "one and only". Like i said, i do have my own issues. Depression, OCD, weird lack of confidence yet too confident on specific subjects etc.

 

The good thing that's come out of this is you're getting to know yourself better. My advice? Find things you enjoy and do them. I like yoga, and walking, and cycling, and growing chilli plants. Accept who you are and find things that make you happy.

 

This whole thing affected me and still does a bit, cause i loved him and maybe still do, but more like a problematic brother or friend. I invested in him. I was sure that we'd make a great couple if we had the chance. He said the same. Then, when he needed something else (aka new girl), he threw me away like a wrapper, cheated on me (once a cheater...) and kept me again, on the side, "just in case". He broke up with me, then kissed me and said he loved me, kept me confused for months, when he was really in a new relationship. By the way, he still tells me that he is not in a relationship, even when ive met this girl, ive seen them kiss, ive heard them call each other cute nicks and "my love" and she's sleeps over. Still, he tells me its nothing.lol.

When i asked for at least an apology, he claimed he has done absolutely nothing wrong, cause that would make him an a***h*** and he is not one....

 

 

So yes, it affects me. I dont care about the past lies too much, ive find my balance on those. But now that my mind is clear, i cant stand his lies. Also, this may have to do with OCD, as i have the "need" of the truth and i cant stand when something appears to be one way, yet claims another.

 

In this new relationship, he's doing the same he has done to every girl, including me. Moving too fast, using her and her money/status. Have to say, thank god i didnt have any money so he can exploit, yet he did even with small amounts.

 

Thanks again for your reply, good advice.

 

I wonder why you still have anything to do with him at all? What need does it fulfil to know anything about his current life?

 

As for the truth, well, the truth is pretty subjective most of the time. Would you be happy to say "it was a difficult relationship" and move on to living the rest of your life?

[CopingGal]

These are the ones I had:

 

• A lack of self confidence
  
• Wanting to please
  
• A belief that if you love enough the person will change
  
• A belief that if you love enough the relationship will succeed
  
• Difficulty establishing and maintaining boundaries
  
• Being easily influenced by others
  
• Wanting to be rescued from your life situation
  
• Wanting to rescue others from their distress
  
• Being over nurturing particularly when not asked
  
• Feelings of self doubt
  
• Low self-esteem
  

I read that when someone abuses you, there are two people involved: The abuser and the enabler. I was an enabler. I did not realize it. Although most of his lies came out after I left him, there were many lies in the relationship that I forgave him for. I was an enabler in his psychological abuse and I didn't even know it.

 

The lies a sociopath tells are just ridiculous and they seem to be very, very true. I mean, he was so vehement in his pleads to me...telling me he was telling the truth...insisting so emotionally he was telling the truth, involving God in his lies, everything...so insistent, so very insistent he was telling the truth and they were all lies...lying about everything...everything: a super bowl party, mice, not being able to use the computer, the woman he cheated with, spending time with his son, multiple lies about facebook, lying about his feelings about marriage, lying about his ex-fiance, lies, lies, lies....nothing but lies. Lying to me...lying to the therapist...trying to trick his ex-wife, lies, lies, lies. It is VERY sad.

Edited July 15, 2012 by CopingGal

[Capris]

It's interesting that you say you were "blinded by love". Do you often let your emotions run your life against your internal code of practice, ethics, moral compass or such like? Or is this specific to intimacy?

 

Yup. Specially with this one. Im always in battle with what i feel and my logic. i honestly do not remember if i was like this before him. i tried to while reading your responce, but i cant remember. Its weird, cause although i do have a "mathematical" brain, lets call it, when it comes to heart issues, bam. Then again, i cant tell you if it was just with him.

 

I ask that in part because earlier you said you believed him when he said he felt you were soulmates or the missing other half. The notion of a soul mate or other half is popular, and originates from the Ancient Greeks.

 

I find it a lovely idea, but don't believe it. I also think it is harmful, and your story exemplifies why it is harmful. I believe there are lots of people with whom you can have a happy, long and meaningful relationship with; there is no other half moulded to fit you exactly. It is this idea of an other half that leads us to drop our guard completely, to become totally open to someone else's whims. It is healthy everyone involved to maintain some guardedness: some mystery and independence is a good thing for a relationship. It also helps us to be able to call it a day, end things, when it's good for us to.

 

Totally agree. I always told my friends: why did my parents have to grow me up with that "story". I even laugh about how hollywood promotes the "soulmate theory", yet i believed in it, just because it is a lovely idea and somehow prevents you from all the anxiety that searching for others brings. lol, maybe thats it. Like, "im ok now, ive found my soulemate, nothings going to go wrong, we will be together forever and thats that."

 

Now, i too believe that there are many people that can make us happy, like you described.

 

 

 

That's not quite what I want to suggest: I was thinking more of, what made you do something you felt guilty about doing. Guilt tells us we've done something we believe is wrong to have done. So what was it in us that led to us doing so? It's by finding that out that you're more likely to not make the same mistake again.

 

Oh, sorry, didnt get it. About the affair, two things. First, as i said, i had no idea, it was like i wasnt thinking, plus the fact of the soulemate thing, seemed to outweight the guilt....Second, my father was a cheater, so i guess i was searching subconsciencly for him.

Definantly not gonna make the same mistake, or at least try hard not to.

 

 

 

 

You do make sense: I misread to begin with. So, out of interest, did he tell you what would happen if you didn't believe whatever he said? What are the consequences of not thinking for yourself?

 

I realise you suggest he was trying to brain wash or hypnotise you, but it would be fun to ask him "Or what? What will happen if I don't?" when he gives such orders.

 

Yeah, that would be fun...but at that point, i was just staring at him, amazed to the man i was dating for so long and was seeing him clear now. I noded and smile, as i had figured out im dealing with a sociopath and it kinda scared me at first, to be honest. So i lied to him,agreed that i will believe what he says, even blamed my OCD again, only this time i was lying. Since then, whenever we get into fights, i answer back though and he doesnt like it a bit, i can tell you.

 

 

 

The good thing that's come out of this is you're getting to know yourself better. My advice? Find things you enjoy and do them. I like yoga, and walking, and cycling, and growing chilli plants. Accept who you are and find things that make you happy.

 

Thanks! Im trying to do the stuff i loved again! Im feeling really better!

 

 

 

I wonder why you still have anything to do with him at all? What need does it fulfil to know anything about his current life?

 

As for the truth, well, the truth is pretty subjective most of the time. Would you be happy to say "it was a difficult relationship" and move on to living the rest of your life?

 

Work. My "breakthrough" came in a dramatic time...If it happened a couple of months ago, id be faaaaaar faaaaar away from him. Im not asking for his lifes details, they are just there, in front of me. Also, i feel sorry about that new girl, i wanted to warn her, but its not my place. Im just trying to answer back to him, while she is there too, just in case she does a better job of figuring him out, then i did. Is that bad too? I seriously think he has told some horrible lies about me to her, just to gaslight her.

 

and YES! Im ok with just saying "it was a difficult relationship, lets move on now". I still have anger in me and sadness, but its fading and mostly i want to move on.

 

Thank you so much for this convo, its indeed enlightening!

Edited July 16, 2012 by Capris

[M30USA]

My theory:

 

BPD is the result of bad parenting; specifically where the person was not disciplined, not trained to be accountable for their behavior, and was most likely either abused/neglected OR spoiled.

[Capris]

These are the ones I had:

 

• A lack of self confidence
  
• Wanting to please
  
• A belief that if you love enough the person will change
  
• A belief that if you love enough the relationship will succeed
  
• Difficulty establishing and maintaining boundaries
  
• Being easily influenced by others
  
• Wanting to be rescued from your life situation
  
• Wanting to rescue others from their distress
  
• Being over nurturing particularly when not asked
  
• Feelings of self doubt
  
• Low self-esteem
  

I read that when someone abuses you, there are two people involved: The abuser and the enabler. I was an enabler. I did not realize it. Although most of his lies came out after I left him, there were many lies in the relationship that I forgave him for. I was an enabler in his psychological abuse and I didn't even know it.

 

The lies a sociopath tells are just ridiculous and they seem to be very, very true. I mean, he was so vehement in his pleads to me...telling me he was telling the truth...insisting so emotionally he was telling the truth, involving God in his lies, everything...so insistent, so very insistent he was telling the truth and they were all lies...lying about everything...everything: a super bowl party, mice, not being able to use the computer, the woman he cheated with, spending time with his son, multiple lies about facebook, lying about his feelings about marriage, lying about his ex-fiance, lies, lies, lies....nothing but lies. Lying to me...lying to the therapist...trying to trick his ex-wife, lies, lies, lies. It is VERY sad.

 

Oh, copinggal, you cant imagine how much i relate.

 

Those lies....They really are ridiculous. Its like they hit that point where you say, "well he cant be lying about that!" Its like he let coincidences take over, combined with those small small lies...Of course, you are totally right about the enabling, i was an enabler too.

 

Im glad we both are out!

Take care!!

[betterdeal]

Thank you so much for this convo, its indeed enlightening!

 

You're welcome

[betterdeal]

My theory:

 

BPD is the result of bad parenting; specifically where the person was not disciplined, not trained to be accountable for their behavior, and was most likely either abused/neglected OR spoiled.

 

My theory is it's the often the result of particularly sensitive people being put through significantly harrowing trauma, particularly with regard to intimacy, and them developing the best coping mechanisms they can under such circumstances, and that they frequently endure a domino effect of one chaotic trauma leading to another.

 

Common to all people who are categorised as having a PD is a poor, distorted, or damaged sense of self, and the role emotions play in the intricate schema that is life.

[Brit]

With personality disorders, it is found that the lack of authority, no rules, no consequences for bad behavoir, spoiling, no learning what is right or wrong, results in one with a personality disorder. Abuse or strict parenting does not. Abuse will

become an excuse, a manipulative tactic for these disordered individuals.

[Brit]

With personality disorders, it is found that the lack of authority, no rules, no consequences for bad behavoir, spoiling, no learning what is right or wrong, results in one with a personality disorder. Abuse or strict parenting does not. Abuse will

become an excuse, a manipulative tactic for these disordered individuals.

 

Wish to add the cluster f'k group of PDs, this is found not all subgroups.

[betterdeal]

With personality disorders, it is found that the lack of authority, no rules, no consequences for bad behavoir, spoiling, no learning what is right or wrong, results in one with a personality disorder. Abuse or strict parenting does not. Abuse will become an excuse, a manipulative tactic for these disordered individuals.

 

I've never heard of those findings before, having read quite a bit on the subject. I'd be obliged if you could point me to where I can find it.

[betterdeal]

Hmm. A quick Google for "what causes personality disorders" and the first few results don't mention anything about being spoiled, lack of rules, no consequences for bad behaviour &c. Here's a good example:

 

What causes personality disorders?

 

Although I can easily see a child raised without being taught the difference between right and wrong is likely to have a chaotic, abusive or neglectful childhood. In fact, I can't see much chance of a parent being able to raise a child without teaching them some idea of right and wrong and yet be considered to have raised them acceptably.

[threebyfate]

With personality disorders, it is found that the lack of authority, no rules, no consequences for bad behavoir, spoiling, no learning what is right or wrong, results in one with a personality disorder. Abuse or strict parenting does not. Abuse will

become an excuse, a manipulative tactic for these disordered individuals.

The contents of this post is pure nonsense.

[Brit]

Causes

 

By Mayo Clinic staff

It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the cause is likely complex. The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It's also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

"EXCESSIVE PAMPERING"

 

I will bow now:) There is literature much more extensive than this that points to excessive pampering and not abuse causing this, maybe neglect as in do what you want to, right or wrong with no consequences.

[threebyfate]

Causes

 

By Mayo Clinic staff

It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the cause is likely complex. The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It's also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

"EXCESSIVE PAMPERING"

 

I will bow now:) There is literature much more extensive than this that points to excessive pampering and not abuse causing this, maybe neglect as in do what you want to, right or wrong with no consequences.

Might help if you read the bolded for a more rounded understanding of what they're attempting to communicate.

 

It's also brutal that you'd pick one personality disorder, misinterpret the information and attempt to pass off your misinterpretation as the umbrella that overarches all cluster B disorders.

[Brit]

Might help if you read the bolded for a more rounded understanding of what they're attempting to communicate.

 

It's also brutal that you'd pick one personality disorder, misinterpret the information and attempt to pass off your misinterpretation as the umbrella that overarches all cluster B disorders.

 

Not sure which PD is of your interest but I have survived if you can call it surviving years with such a Cluster f'ck and have done extensive research, and it is, PAMPERING, OVER SPOILED, leads to NEVER developing EMPATHY plus genetics = creation of monster, non empathetic sick f'ck.

[threebyfate]

With personality disorders, it is found that the lack of authority, no rules, no consequences for bad behavoir, spoiling, no learning what is right or wrong, results in one with a personality disorder. Abuse or strict parenting does not. Abuse will

become an excuse, a manipulative tactic for these disordered individuals.

 

Causes

 

By Mayo Clinic staff

It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the cause is likely complex. The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It's also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

"EXCESSIVE PAMPERING"

 

I will bow now:) There is literature much more extensive than this that points to excessive pampering and not abuse causing this, maybe neglect as in do what you want to, right or wrong with no consequences.

 

 

Not sure which PD is of your interest but I have survived if you can call it surviving years with such a Cluster f'ck and have done extensive research, and it is, PAMPERING, OVER SPOILED, leads to NEVER developing EMPATHY plus genetics = creation of monster, non empathetic sick f'ck.

All your posts belong to base. Reread the bolded. You have no idea what you're talking about.

[M30USA]

Causes

 

By Mayo Clinic staff

It's not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the cause is likely complex. The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It's also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

Is this for real? (Not being sarcastic, I'm serious.)

[Brit]

Is this for real? (Not being sarcastic, I'm serious.)

 

Yes, it is real. Non parenting is neglect and abuse. Not teaching a child they cannot have EVERYTHING they want and they have no consequences for their bad behavior leads to Personality Disordered Cluster F'ks.

[M30USA]

Yes, it is real. Non parenting is neglect and abuse. Not teaching a child they cannot have EVERYTHING they want and they have no consequences for their bad behavior leads to Personality Disordered Cluster F'ks.

 

No wonder why so many people have Narcissism and BPD. It's considered the NORM now in society to not discipline a child and spoil them if you have the financial resources. God help us.

[Brit]

All your posts belong to base. Reread the bolded. You have no idea what you're talking about.

 

Base? Bye....no need for your input. I do not need to reread anything, there is extensive research on it, it is not my duty to look it up for you, do that, before you look silly attacking me.

[Brit]

No wonder why so many people have Narcissism and BPD. It's considered the NORM now in society to not discipline a child and spoil them if you have the financial resources. God help us.

 

Yes there is a significant rise in these disorders, and it is only going to get worse. Glad I will be rotting in a grave by then.

[M30USA]

Yes there is a significant rise in these disorders, and it is only going to get worse. Glad I will be rotting in a grave by then.

 

You may sound cynical, but you are entirely correct. Spare the rod...

[Brit]

I should feel what, please tell me, to spare your rod? Should I use a happy emoticon? Hmmm a pleased emoticon?