NVROWAGAIN Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I wonder if this a normal part of the process. The realization of what has REALLY been going on as opposed to what you thought was going on. I have had a mm for a little over a year. I have been reading this site since the first time I tried to end things. I read how everyone says that he is having his cake and eating it too. I think not mine lol. I really thought what I had was different. We talked for hours....had amazing passion...couldnt wait to see each other and all of our stolen moments. Yep mine was different. But I fell in love or what I thought was love. I am not sure what it was now. But because I could not end this because it caused me so much pain, I started seeing a therapist. In therapy, I really started seeing reality and what was really going on. You know face that he is having his cake and eating it too. How he hides behind what he calls an amazing friendship he cant live without to keep me. How I thought that he did the things he did because he cared about me. Now I see that has nothing to do with it. But if he made me think he cared, I was not be going anywhere. OMG did that work for a year. I think back how this first started and I do believe if there was an affair playbook, we followed every play in perfect order. So after some much needed therapy and an awakening, I feel like I was brain washed. Now I am not saying I was a victim, I was a volunteer. I knew my facts from day one and still chose to get into a speeding car heading for a brick wall. But what what I thinking and how did I sacrifice myself and who I was for some amazing and I do mean amazing sex? He owned me. He owned my moods. He owned my self esteem. Not because he took it from me, I gave it to him willingly. It was like I was not thinking. I didnt see anything negative about him. He was perfect. Yes, I thought that man cheating on his wife was perfect. I havent completely broken it off yet. My therapist says I am not ready for when he realizes I am gone and comes back with 100% force. We are getting me ready for that. This awakening sure has helped me get ready. I am just avoiding him right now because I am mad. I cant believe someone who I thought cared so much about me never did. My therapist says that if he cared, he would have walked away when he saw my pain. But he was not willing to sacrifice his pleasure for me because he didnt care. WOW oh WOW talk about an awakening. I cant believe I gave up a year of my life and so much of myself who only viewed me as some hot sex. Reality really does suck but sure can help you move on What I learned as of right now is that assuming that someone cares about and loves you because they say that they do as he leaves my house to go home to his wife...is just that a HUGE assumption. I just wanted a safe place to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
complicated1 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 You've come to the right place. When you stop contact with him, you have to stay strong, you will feel your own power. I am starting to see so many character flaws in my exMM, yeah, duh, he's a cheater, I know. Most strikingly, how much time and money he spent with me and out with his friends, but would proclaim how much he loved his kids. BS. Words mean nothing, it's all action. I've been NC since Jan 6. It's getting easier and you do see how the trust could never be there in the long run. Dump him, leave him high and dry. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue 2 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 My therapist says that if he cared, he would have walked away when he saw my pain. But he was not willing to sacrifice his pleasure for me because he didnt care. WOW oh WOW talk about an awakening. From a MM in NC, those are defining, truth-filled words. Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Your LS name says it all...NEVER AGAIN...love it!!! Now...sending u cyber strength...you can do it girl!!! Walk toward the light...your hurting now...you'll hurt walking away...same difference...only the hurt will stop eventually if u keep on walking... I agree with your therapist...if he loved you he'd set u free from the hurt...if he knows this is all he has to offer you...instead his pleasure outweighs your hurt...sick...they are sick... Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl2 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I could write about the incredible things xMM did to keep me for his pleasure, including an overseas holiday. I no longer believe he did anything because he loved me. He proved that to me when he walked away and then went back on a dating webiste 2 weeks later. That man would walk through hot coals to get what he wants and call it love it if he has to. YOu are going to be fine. You have a therapist to help you along the way . The sooner you go NC the better. There is no nice, soft landing from that. Keep posting here. You will receive lots of hugs and good sound advice based on experience. Keep going on the path to you r recovery. Get your own heart and soul back. I know you gave it to him willingly but he didn't place any value on it at all. GG Link to post Share on other sites
twinsmom Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Better only one year than 3 1/2, like me. Keep being mad! It does get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
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