My S/O should be added to missing person list?

[sportsloving]

I rarely start a thread of my own, so please bear with me on this. I don't even know what to really say but I do need some advice.

 

A little background I suppose. I have been in an LDR for the previous two years. We have gone through a lot of rough times, but we always found a way to communicate and work things out. The end of this month was to be the end of the LDR and he was moving to my area.

 

Last month I had a bit of a personal crisis going, and I had talked to him about everything that was going on. For a period he broke things off, and we had no contact for about two weeks. He had said that with all I had going on, he felt that he was adding pressures and wanted to sort things out.

 

After about two weeks, I received a message saying that he wanted to work things out and get back to being Us. We began talking again, about everything that was going on, about Us, and about how we could deal with things better than we had been. (He will sometimes close down and not talk at all if something is really bothering him, I am the opposite and will talk until I am blue to make sure my point is getting across.)

 

When things are going awesome, we are able to discuss and communicate about anything. When things are not so awesome, we have different approaches to handling things. As I said, he will shut down and more than likely not contact me until he feels "better" or feels that things are calmed down. I on the other hand, get all emotional and fretful and worry about it.

 

The last thing I have heard from him was a week ago Friday, saying he loved me and was looking forward to the future with me. It was rather sweet and mushy so I won't bother you with all the details But I had the feeling that things were definitely working out.

 

He has a tough time on weekends being able to talk to me, we have a two hour time difference and his weekends are always full and busy. It has been that way for so long it is expected (so when he can squeeze time for me, it makes it all that more special). He was to be admitted to the hospital for a few days this week for testing (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday). This is pretty routine for him, and we have been through it so many times that it is part of the norm.

 

He has always put aside time before he was to leave to talk and tell me he cares and such. (And to tell me not to worry ) This time I didn't hear anything (since last Friday). When I hadn't heard from him by Tuesday morning, I was a bit worried but figured that he got extremely busy and would for sure hear from him when he returned.

 

It is now Saturday and I haven't heard a thing. I have called him but only get voicemail, and I sent an ecard (like I always have) but he hasn't responded at all.

I called the hospital yesterday, and found that he had been released on Thursday afternoon.

 

I don't know if I am over reacting, if he is just pulling the "silent treatment" or if something has really happened. I don't want to call and bother him if he is merely taking some time for himself, but I also am extremely worried about him. I guess knowing that we were on shaking ground last month and seemed to working things out ... then to not hear anything has me sitting on edge. A part of me also feels or thinks that when he is ready to talk, he will. I thought that things were really going well since we started talking again, and he had said the same ... but then this happens and it has me all twisted up.

 

I guess I am just confused about what I should do.

[FolderWife]

What should you do!?!?! He says he loves you, but he hasn't called in over a week! CALL HIM! See where the heck he's at! In the past, he didn't give you "silent treatment" without warning, did he? A week is a long time, somethings up, he should make time for you. You deserve to know.

 

I always pushed for answers, and I always got answers that I didn't like....but at least I wasn't waiting around on someone.

 

Follow your gut. My gut would've called him on Tuesday, chewing him out for worrying the heck out of me. Nothing was wrong, right? You weren't fighting. This is uncalled for.

 

He'd better have a really really solid excuse. Otherwise, his little power trip (and that's what this is....his way of controlling you, so you'll be afraid he's going to leave, and treat him with kid gloves) should land him single.

 

I had a guy once tell me that he'll call a girl on time every day for a while, then one day not call, and if she calls him because he's late, he knows she likes him. If she doesn't call, he moves on, because she isn't interested. In the end, I would take my phone off the hook if they didn't call on time, to let them know that I don't play games.

[sportsloving]

Thank you for your reply Monday. I have tried calling him, I have left two messages but all I am getting is his voice mail. I guess with this, I just don't know what one is suppose to do or if I should just leave him alone.

 

I have always said that it is much easier to deal with the reality than to sit around with an active imagination. I would rather know the truth than to sit here day in and day out not knowing what is going on. Heck I am a big girl, if he wanted to walk away ... I would wish him every happiness.

 

But not knowing, if he is even ok, or if he is just taking a break, or whatnots, that can drive a person to go nuts. (And I have always been half way there, I don't need more reasons )

[moimeme]

The worst of not hearing is that you worry something has happened to him.

 

I think maybe it's not until many men are parents that they finally understand what it is to worry over the safety of someone else and understand why women want to 'keep track' of them. It's not keeping them on a leash; it's just alleviating our fears that the universe may have chosen to snatch them from us because we oughtn't be so lucky as to have them.

 

If you haven't heard by tomorrow, I'd leave one more message saying 'just let me know you're ok because I'm really worried about you'.

 

I hope he wises up!

[sportsloving]

It's not keeping them on a leash; it's just alleviating our fears that the universe may have chosen to snatch them from us because we oughtn't be so lucky as to have them.

 

LMAO this is too true!

 

I think at the present I shall just continue with life and hope sometime (soon, would be nice) that he either finds time to talk to me or he at least tells me that he doesn't want to continue our relationship. I suppose if it goes for too long without contact that I will have to face the reality but for now there is hope.

[FolderWife]

I don't know about men now days I had a friend who's boyfriend up and quit talking to her for two months! No call, no warning, NOTHING. Then out of the blue one day, he calls to tell her that he promised his soon-to-be ex wife that he wouldn't talk to my friend any more, until they were offically divorced. I guess he couldn't warn my friend first She spent two months wondering, and dating other people.

 

Then a month after he started contacting her again, they got married.

 

I don't get men. I think some of them are just stupid. I haven't read or heard of any men who had a girl all of a sudden not call.

 

I say give him a taste of his own medicine. If he hasn't called yet, don't wait around on him. If and when he does finally call, I'd play nicey nice, like nothing's wrong for about two weeks, then one day all of a sudden not answer the phone, and not return his calls for the exact period of time he doesn't call you. It will be hard, but do it. If he gets angry, give him the same lame excuse he gives you. Don't do it sarcastic, do it serious.

 

See if he sees the parody.

[sportsloving]

So here is what happened. I found a site that would notify me if he was to read the email I wrote. My email wasn't rude or degrading, it simply said that I cared about him, I was worried and I hated being ignored. I am a person with feelings, and if he wants to end the relationship .. it is only humane to tell the other involved.

 

Last night (late) I get a notification, yahoo he is still alive and kicking. I also get an email telling me that he thinks our past mistakes are tearing apart whatever we had left of our relationship, how he wants me to be happy yada yada. His email includes no reason, no exuse, no nothing about where or what was going on for nine days that he couldn't stop to say anything to me.

 

I write him back that hey, put yourself in my shoes and tell me how long it would take you to get upset that the one who loves you and adores you suddenly can't find two minutes during the previous nine days to say hey, I am ok. ?

 

I get another back, telling me that I am asking for too much and he has decided to end things. Okie dokie.

 

I then write him back (again) saying that if being concerned and wanting to know some one is ok is asking too much, then yes I admit to asking for too much. He has decided to end it all, but now I have my answer right? He is alive and healthy, and that is all I wanted from the get go.

 

I do find it odd that here it is him who had no contact for nine days, yet I am to blame for the break up as I ask for too much.

[FolderWife]

This sounds exactly like he found someone else Feelings don't just turn on and off like that. He's blaming you, because he knows that it's all his fault that the relationship has to end, because he is with someone else.

 

Slimebag

[sportsloving]

I can honestly tell you it would be easier if I thought or knew there was someone else... well maybe not. But he isn't cheating, he doesn't have someone on the sidelines.

 

It is/was simply his way of dealing. He did what he had to do, and instead of trying to work on a problem, he ran. He knew that no contact for a week or so would drive me batty, he also knows that I would be upset. So he runs and tries to cover he is scared by blaming me for asking for too much. That is/was his way.

 

I just wish him the best and hope things work out for him.