kanzeta Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) We married last Sept. My husband is a very controlling man. He can also easily get upset on a tiny thing and starts to complain. Most of the time, I can take it when he whines on what I think is a tiny thing, but when I am in bad mood, I will raise my tone asking him to stop. It has been working somehow till last week and he turned to be violent and I feel threatened. Last Friday, we sit on the couch and was watching movies at home. I fell asleep on the second movie. Then, he started to yell at me why I am always asleep when watch movie with him. I felt he was such unreasonable and swear at him. I then, walked to the bedroom and lay down to sleep. He suddenly walked into the room and violently flipped the mattress and the spring box. He said " I will not let you to sleep tonight. Then, I turned the mattress and the spring box upside down. Everytime when I tried to put the mattress back he flipped again. He threw my coats on the ground and stepped on it..... When he flipped the spring box, the box hit my head... I was in pain for a while. I wanted to phone police but he changed the password of the iphone. I wanted to knock on the neighbour's door, but I hesitated as I feel shame of having such a bad husband and I don't want to them to feel sorry for me. So the whole night, every time I try to lay down on the couch or on the mattress, he played loud music or jump to the mattress in order to keep me awake. What should I do? We only married for less then a year, no children. Divorce is the last resource I would want to use, but I am uncertain if this would happen again and again. Edited February 21, 2012 by kanzeta Title too long Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Some one who does this kind of thing when agry is dangerous. It doesn't matter if you do the rudest most inconsiderate thing posible he has no write to scare you and hurt you like this. If you're scared of him best to just divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've never seen a marriage or relationship where you can come back from this. The betrayal and pain rarely disappears. I've been in a violent relationship and once I knew the respect was gone, no amount of work would get that back. Asking for help is difficult and embarrassing, but you will find a lot of help and no one who matters will blame you Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) divorce while there are no children for the world does not necessarily step forward to help and there are fleeing wives with children to protect too divorce after a talk with a lawyer about your right to a home and/or $$... he likes bullying << note this well, my dear and bullies don't change often they like being dominant Edited February 21, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 This is verbal and physical abuse and will only get even worse over time. The only thing you can do is to leave him, make sure he does not know where your new address is and divorce him. This kind of man is capable of killing a woman, especially one who had the nerve to stand up to him. PS: Do not have children with him. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It's called the cycle of violence. He'll come back at some point telling you he's sorry and asking that you forgive him. But it will continue over the life of your marriage. No husband should ever put his wife in fear. It's his job to protect her. If you feel afraid, you really need to consider leaving now while you can and before it becomes worse and potentially even more violent. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) You need to leave. You need to leave and make plans not to return on your own. The last resort is not divorce, the last resort is abuse. You get out! There are shelters if need be. You tell everyone who will listen. This WILL happen again and each time it will escalate. Are you going to have children some day with a man like this? I'd give substance abusers a second chance, I might give a cheater a second change. I would not give someone who is violent with you another chance. I know you probably don't like this post & you are not going to listen... but you should. I don't mean to play the credentials card on you but you need to know from someone who counselled people in your situation for a very long time; you need to take control right now & you need to get yourself in a safe place. He needs help & it's not going to be a quick fix if at all. Edited February 21, 2012 by oldguy Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 We married last Sept. My husband is a very controlling man. He can also easily get upset on a tiny thing and starts to complain. Most of the time, I can take it when he whines on what I think is a tiny thing, but when I am in bad mood, I will raise my tone asking him to stop. It has been working somehow till last week and he turned to be violent and I feel threatened. Last Friday, we sit on the couch and was watching movies at home. I fell asleep on the second movie. Then, he started to yell at me why I am always asleep when watch movie with him. I felt he was such unreasonable and swear at him. I then, walked to the bedroom and lay down to sleep. He suddenly walked into the room and violently flipped the mattress and the spring box. He said " I will not let you to sleep tonight. Then, I turned the mattress and the spring box upside down. Everytime when I tried to put the mattress back he flipped again. He threw my coats on the ground and stepped on it..... When he flipped the spring box, the box hit my head... I was in pain for a while. I wanted to phone police but he changed the password of the iphone. I wanted to knock on the neighbour's door, but I hesitated as I feel shame of having such a bad husband and I don't want to them to feel sorry for me. So the whole night, every time I try to lay down on the couch or on the mattress, he played loud music or jump to the mattress in order to keep me awake. What should I do? We only married for less then a year, no children. Divorce is the last resource I would want to use, but I am uncertain if this would happen again and again. I hope you come back and repost. I hope you're reading these responses even if you're not posting a response of your own. I used to work at a local legal aid office where I helped women. I've heard similar stories from them. It starts out with something like what you're describing then escalates. Your husband is a violent and controlling man. He is going to continue to abuse you over and over again. In between these periods, he'll apologize and say he's sorry, but you drove him to do those violent acts, that it's your fault that he gets so angry. You're lucky you don't have children with him. You can get out now. I wouldn't tell him you're leaving him. Just do it. Go to a friend, go to a relative who will keep you safe and not make you go back. If you have no one like that, find a women's shelter or women's refuge. If you were in the USA, I could refer you to some women's shelters, but judging from your spelling, it appears you live elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Divorce is not an option? Why not? Is death an option? That's what an abusive relationship can lead to. After seeing what he has done, you now know that you are dealing with a violent man. You have a choice, you can stay, or you can leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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