fanou22 Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 I am single and sleeping with a married man. I never wondered if he would leave his wife one day to be with me and frankly I would not want him if he leaves her because I think he would do the same with me. Before I started sleeping with him I figured maybe he has a shaky marriage on the verge of divorce but he said no and that he loved his wife and would never leave her. I asked why he would want to risk it and have an affair. He said that his wife is not interested in having sex and that they barely do it. I have herpes and he knows about it. I told him before we even started sleeping together but he does not seem concerned though he is clean. I pity his wife for not taking advantage of such an amazing lover. Why would he risk his happy married life to be with me knowing that whenever I am shedding the virus he will have it instantaneously and that could lead to shattering his life? Please do not think that I was attracted to him because he is married. I have suggested numerous times that he speaks with his wife about their sexual relationship but he refused. He said she was like that even before they were married. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Why would he risk his happy married life to be with me knowing that whenever I am shedding the virus he will have it instantaneously and that could lead to shattering his life? ....and that he could pass to his wife, too. My guess is that some men-and women- just prefer putting effort and time in getting a lover than in trying to enhance te sexual life with their partner. It's easier, and to them it's more exciting and fun. This man instead of COMMUNICATING and discussing problems with his wife-even attempting to- finds a lover (that is, you). He chose the easier, unconsiderate, selfish, immature way. If he gave a damn about people next to him(his wife) he'd have at least had a talk with her first. He didn't ever discuss his lack of sex problem with his wife once!!!!! This man sounds extremely selfish. It could also very well be a lie that he and his wife barely do it. Or her wife could be not any longer interested in it because this man is acting jerkish towards her, while reserving all his nice sides to you. He said she was like that even before they were married. Didn't this make you wonder why he married her? For her money? Because she has a nice personality? Because he had nothing better to do? It's lovely (phew) how those men blame on their wives their cheating. This man has no spinal chord (which goes along with backbone). Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 I certainly don't know what he's thinking why don't you dump him, before he does ruin his life. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Okay...I may sound a bit harsh....sorry... Don't you care about the poor wife that will end up w/ herpes bc her bastard of a husband is sleeping w/ you w/ herpes? Thats f*^cked up! What goes around comes around. Someone needs to tell her before you and him mess up HER LIFE! And why judge the wife? How do you know he isn't awful to her? You don't live with him so you cannot know the truth no matter what. Leave this MARRIED MAN ALONE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted June 5, 2004 Author Share Posted June 5, 2004 I expected some of the replies to be harsh I am not judging the wife and I am not defending myself or him. I was simply trying to understand why would he risk it all? Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted June 6, 2004 Share Posted June 6, 2004 Isn't this the same thread that is in "The Other Man/Woman" forum? Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted June 6, 2004 Author Share Posted June 6, 2004 yes it is Link to post Share on other sites
KatAnn Posted June 6, 2004 Share Posted June 6, 2004 I agree with Pyrannaste. This man's energy should be put into making his marrital- sex life hot. What a shame for everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Here's your answer: He's risking it because he doesn't really think he's risking anything. He firmly believes he can get away with this behavior. To him, this is a free ride. The herpes thing? He's got a case of the 'Won't Happen to Me's. It's a very common syndrome. I work in a hospital and we see cases of "Won't Happen to Me" in the trauma unit all the time. Doesn't matter how smart or educated these people are. "Won't Happen to Me" runs rampant in this society. IT's why we drink and get behind the wheel. It's why we don't wear condoms and contract STD's. (I used to work with HIV+ patients too....'Won't Happen to Me" is exceptinoally common amongst MEN by the way) There's your answer Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 He's telling you this because he is getting the best of both worlds. He doesn't love his wife. Actions speak louder than words. What he is saying when he says this is 'Look, I'm using you for sex and nothing else. You excite me sexually, which means more to me than my wife. However me leaving my wife will cost me too much, so in the future if you fall in love with me I can go back and remind you of this conversion we had'. He's setting up the contract for the deal between you two. He would do it to you as well, if you were his wife. He probably has done it in the past as well. So not only are you risking his wife with your STD, but you are risking your own life w/ his. How can you trust him when he is doing this? Some men will say anything w/o a guilty conscious to get into another's pants. Do yourself a favor and leave this situation and let his wife know anonymously. Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] Don't know why but the first thing I wonder after reading your post is... how do you know he doesn't already have herpes himself or another STD? Sorry, but for real he hasn't shown himself to be the most upfront straight forward kind of guy you know? And just because he hasn't told he has an STD doesn't mean anything... Sort of makes more sense to me that he is already infected so not at all worried... and just a different spin on things... could it be the reason his sex life with the wife isn't all that great because he's also already infected her with and STD but she chose to stay with him? Something to think about.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted June 7, 2004 Author Share Posted June 7, 2004 I told him today that I want him to get tested. I asked him whether he had anything and said no. Is he lying? I don't know I will find out if he goes through with the tests. I am seeing my doctor next week for a thorough STD test Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] Good girl! Get yourself tested... and don't take his word on ANYTHING. Please, please, please protect yourself and INSIST anyone you are sexually involved with use a condom. I congradulate you on being honest with your sexual partners regarding your STD but caution you to make sure of thier honesty with you especially when it isn't a relationship of monogamy... Insist this MM get a test and show it to you... if he doens't want to do it or gives you excuses then ditch his sorry ass, for a number of reasons... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
jean Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Leave this guy alone, man thats kinnda funny, you seem concerned!!! not!! he is married do not spread for a married man, this is all so sick!!!! LeAVE HIM!!!!! he cares only about his own needs and cares nothing about how much this could wreck his wifes life Link to post Share on other sites
neptoon Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 I also suggest that you proceed with caution, too. Just a hunch but I've seen a situation like this before and sometimes, these guys get violent when you try to leave them, which may be why his wife is technically still with him -- because he gets violent when she tries to leave. I'm not saying this is the case but just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 You need to break off with this man before you spread the virus to his wife. He might be willing to get it, but his wife isn't. She doesn't even know about you. The man is a sorry excuse for a husband, but he is her husband and not yours, so you need to just leave him alone, its hard enough to work out a marriage without having a third party involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fanou22 Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 honey2005, read my post about the past, present, and the future and you will know what happened Link to post Share on other sites
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