It's finally Over!

[WordvAction]

So after 6 months of No Contact, I have finally been able to get over my unrequited love of one year. During that year, she treated me like sh**, constantly told me she liked me, and then left me for someone else. Part of it was my fault as I let myself become a doormat and got clingy, but I've learned and grown from that. Anyway, we don't even acknowledge each other anymore, and I was glad with that because it finally allowed me to move on to someone else (We're not dating, but I have serious feelings for someone else, something I would have thought impossible 3 months ago).

 

Anyways, right on cue, she texted me saying she missed me and wanted us to at least acknowledge each other when we see each other. Now, I'm over her, but I still haven't forgiven the things she took from me. I poured my heart and soul out to this girl, and in return she lied about having feelings to keep me on the backburner until she dated someone else. I don't hate her for it, but she robbed me of all my confidence and trust in women (at least for the time being) and I don't ever want someone like that in my life. What seemed odd was the one text that I was waiting for during so much of the No Contact, dreaming of, and when it finally came I could honestly care less about it. My mind was instead focused on the girl I am currently feeling for and other matters. It's amazing what NC can do.

 

Which lead to me deleting her text message. I have no need to respond, and see no point in opening up communications with this girl. After 6, long, hard months, I finally don't care anymore. Her texting me (as opposed to me always texting her) wanting to establish contact after her acting like she didn't care all this time felt like my closure, gave me the power to know that I no longer need her in my life. Thank you all for reading this and God bless.

[Philosoraptor]

The fact that you have been unable to forgive shows that while you might have moved past the relationship, you still are not over the feelings that the relationship has left within you.

 

Until you have found forgiveness and peace with the situation your past will always own you.

[WordvAction]

Philosoraptor:

 

Good point as always (I have commented on a few of the same threads as you) and agree that the ultimate point of moving on is when you can finally let go of all the anger and be able to forgive the other person. What I meant was I am over wanting to date her.

 

I don't know if you have ever been in the situation, but I think you can agree that when you are in a situation where someone you "love" breaks you down through lies and breaking your trust, that will be the last and final step of moving on. While I would like to say I will be able to forgive her when I meet a girl that I can finally trust again, I understand that it will be need to be me that has the confidence and trust in myself to fully put myself out there again to the point that I am willing to trust others in a relationship. It has been a tough road so far (This was my first case of ever falling for someone), and I have been working my a** off to improve myself as a person. I don't know how long it will be before I am able to forgive her for everything that she put me through, but I am confident I will.

 

I think my point of my post was understanding how far I've really come in these past 6 months. Before I cut contact, I, as I'm sure others have said in an unrequited love, thought this girl was "the one". I refused to see all the good other girls had in them and focused much of my life on finding a way to getting this girl to like me. While I certainly don't endorse heartbreak for anyone, this has perhaps been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life, including the need to find happiness in yourself instead of others. Any other advice you have would be much appreciated!

[stitch702]

I completely agree with forgiving your ex and your self for mistakes that have happened in previous relationships. However, sometimes anger is a necessary emotion to help you get over your ex. It is extremely useful if you channel that anger into a positive energy such as studying, work, etc. I know that in my experiences with exes who I have felt wronged me, I used anger to hit the gym or focus more on school. I'd have that thought in my head I'll show her that I'm better off without her and succeed in my goals and dreams or get ripped so she'd see what she lost. However in the end did I show them what they lost? Sometimes they came back, most times they didn't realize anything. But it didn't matter because when I finally reached a certain amount of time I began to realize that I was only doing it for myself. Through time anger fades and you finally become at peace with how life pans out. I guess that's the state of forgiveness you are always preaching about.

 

I'm just saying though, I'd rather be angry at an ex then to be sad or guilty that I was the cause of the break up

[Philosoraptor]

It's good that you have realized that your ex is not good for you. But you shouldn't get in too deep with someone else until you have filtered through all of your feelings.

 

I have been in a somewhat similar spot. Over the course of many years I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I was stripped away from my friend, my family, my hobbies, and myself by a horribly controlling individual that left when I finally put my foot down regarding something. I was told that she couldn't accept me if I didn't bend again. But I own it, I allowed it and know that I did. Like myself, you probably ignored the bad signs in hopes that your love/feelings would be more than enough to fix things.

 

I feel like that is when things changed for me, when I accepted that I allowed everything to happen. Why blame someone else when you had full control over yourself and the cognitive ability to work through what you were being given. Love can be quite blinding though, it just comes down to finding someone who can love you unconditionally as well.

[jquest1280]

WordvAction, I am happy for you!! I wish I would get my up-yours moment with my ex someday soon! hahaha. Now about this anger, I have a friend who's still mad at her ex 25 years later. She is happily married, with two adult children, and yes, still bristles a bit (just a bit) when ex's name enters the conversation. The important thing is you don't lose sleep over it, and it's off your mind most of the time, like my friend there. It's just her life position, that's all.

[WordvAction]

Philosoraptor:

 

Thank you for sharing your words and story. You are correct in saying that I thought love would prevail over all, and was completely blinded to it; I would say our stories are similar but slightly different. The girl I initially fell for lied to me about seeing someone else until she decided to end things with me and fully commit to him. I guess that has never happened before to me and not forgiving her was my way of ensuring I never fell for her trap again.

 

As for this new girl, I am making sure I don't delve in deep at all, taking things very slow.

 

@ Stitch:

I agree with the using your anger for positive things. In the end, as long as you're doing it for yourself.

 

@jquest:

Thank you! And I don't know if I can go that long without forgiving someone, but to each his/her own lol

[whichwayisup]

So after 6 months of No Contact, I have finally been able to get over my unrequited love of one year. During that year, she treated me like sh**, constantly told me she liked me, and then left me for someone else. Part of it was my fault as I let myself become a doormat and got clingy, but I've learned and grown from that. Anyway, we don't even acknowledge each other anymore, and I was glad with that because it finally allowed me to move on to someone else (We're not dating, but I have serious feelings for someone else, something I would have thought impossible 3 months ago).

 

Anyways, right on cue, she texted me saying she missed me and wanted us to at least acknowledge each other when we see each other. Now, I'm over her, but I still haven't forgiven the things she took from me. I poured my heart and soul out to this girl, and in return she lied about having feelings to keep me on the backburner until she dated someone else. I don't hate her for it, but she robbed me of all my confidence and trust in women (at least for the time being) and I don't ever want someone like that in my life. What seemed odd was the one text that I was waiting for during so much of the No Contact, dreaming of, and when it finally came I could honestly care less about it. My mind was instead focused on the girl I am currently feeling for and other matters. It's amazing what NC can do.

 

Which lead to me deleting her text message. I have no need to respond, and see no point in opening up communications with this girl. After 6, long, hard months, I finally don't care anymore. Her texting me (as opposed to me always texting her) wanting to establish contact after her acting like she didn't care all this time felt like my closure, gave me the power to know that I no longer need her in my life. Thank you all for reading this and God bless.

 

Good for you for realizing that she isn't worthy of another tear, a pang of heartache and most of all, she isn't worthy of having you in her life. NC is the way to go!

 

All the best!

[Sugarkane]

I could completely relate to your story. I'm so glad to hear that you didn't think of giving this user another chance to drain you of your self esteem. It's always good to hear when someone treats someone like complete dirt, that this person gets rejected themselves. She should've thought of that before treating you like dirt and dumping you.