What Is It Like To Be Beautiful

[somedude81]

I highly doubt she was/is as ugly as she thinks she is.

[Leigh 87]

I WAS ugly. Growing up. Right up until my early 20's. I was BUTT. ugly.

 

NOw, on the other hand... I am thin, great body, had thick long blonde hair, nice teeth....

 

 

I WAS ugly, but BECAME attractive.

 

 

I would not have gotten my b/f if I was butt ugly.

 

MY point is: your NOT butt ugly. U are probably cute/ average, but do not have the right personality and are not remarable enough to grab peoples attention.

 

 

Every one has it in them to be remarable, hwoever, if they harness WHO they are, and really thrive being themselves.

[Leigh 87]

I think that your cute or at least average enough, meaning, u will not get a guy to want u right away, but u can at LEAST grow a personality and presence about u, that will make a guy fall for u genuinely AFTER they get talking to u.

 

 

If u get over wanting a guy to think your beautiful right away ( as it does not happen for 90% of us), then u will be happy to dsicover, that your personalioty and how u come across, and how relarkable you are as an indiviual, CAN mae a guy think your genuinely beautiful AFTER they get to know you.

 

 

For u, your issues are:

 

- you want a guy to find u beautiful RIGHT away, BEFORE they can fall for you personality

 

- u do not think you attractive enough for a guy to ever find u to be beautiful, once they get to know you.

 

- u do not think you an amazing enough person, that is enough to pull a guy in; because if u believed u were good enough, in terms of who you ARE, u WOULD GET GUYS.

 

 

 

 

Would u be satisfied if a guy met u, thought u were average/cute/ liked your curves and the fact your petite, and then got toknow you, fell in love with u, and THEN viewed u as beautiful?

 

 

Is it okay for u to be seen as " ok" and not " hot" initially, and for it to GROW into the guy genuinly finding u to be a beauty to them?

 

Meaning; your not hot enough for a guy to initially find u a hottie, but u have the personal attributes and are not physically off putting enough, so the guy can GROW to find u beautiful?

 

 

My boyfriend was not that attracted to me when we met, even though I had a models figure; 114 lbs, huge boobs and bubble butt.

 

NOW, he finds me WAY more beautiful, because as a person, I have becdome SOOOO much better off, than I was when we first met. PHYSICALLY speaking, however, I have gained bloody 15 pounds!!!!!!!!!!! and he finds me MORE attractive, based on the fact I am a MUCH BETTER PERSON.

[Leigh 87]

I highly doubt she was/is as ugly as she thinks she is.

 

 

I was that ugly. really. I had deformed teeth when a kid. Teeth were also yellow.

 

I had bracess twice, and teeth whitening. My teeth are straight now, and not yellow, but they are still not celeb perfect or remarkable; just a ncie smile, which I am thrilled with:):)

 

I also had a mono brow, and I have a bad profile ( nose is not big, but has a dent fron the side, looks awful)

 

 

 

 

 

Hence why I had braces, got my eyebrows professionally waxed, educated myself on eating well and working out, and became a hottie. MOst guys called me hot. For the first time in my life, I was " hot".

 

 

 

Then I got anorexic and my hair fell out. So I had extensions. My hair is in the process of growing back to its full thickness.

 

 

 

I know what it is like to live ugly; on the other hand, when I first became :" hot", in fact, when at my HOTTEST physically, I was not a very great person.

 

Had I lewft myself to mother nature, no guy would want to date me, only very, very unnappealing looking guys, because that is what happens to highly unnatractive people; they physically repulse others, and their dating and sexual options are limited, because they are simply too offputting to look at.

 

 

Your average or cute, by the sounds of things; I WAS BUTT. UGLY. I know what that is like. Do you?

Look. An average person can have a very happy dating life. Even very ugly people can be blissfully happy; the most ugly person can find a wonderful person, they just have to only stick to very ugly people.

 

 

You can be happy, u jiust refuse to, because yout not a hottie the first time a guy glances at you. If u work on yourself enough, and thin that, even with average gifts/intelligence/socialskills/ that U CAN be remarkable.

 

 

 

U do not have to have natural talents, or be born amazing, physically or otherwise, to be remarkable. U can be amazing to some guys!!!!!!1 With average looks, u will be able to get a great guy, who will think your gorgeous.

 

U just have to accept that they will not think ur a major hottie right awaym, the frist glance at u across a room; that u do not have to WIN THEM OVER or make ANY GREAT EFFORT TO GET THEM TO PICK YOU.

 

 

If u really relish and love YOU, someone else will think your great, too. U will not have to convince them; things will just work. They will not think your a hottie right away if your not; but after they fall for u, they will find u to be beautiful to them. ok?

[january2011]

Wasn't sure what thread to put this post in but thought this could be appropriate... I've always yearned to know what it's like to beautiful, or be seen as very physically attractive. Can other people describe what their experiences are like?

 

Bad days: Like a ton of expectations have been dumped on your doorstep.

 

Good days: You're floating on air, energised by the people around you and you can do no wrong.

[Janesays]

It's super frustrating if you desperately want to be recognized by your intellectual contributions instead of being fawned over by drooling shallow idiots.

 

It's also easy to get fooled into marrying a man who convinces you he loves you for your brains, kindness and sense of humor when the reality is he only wanted a trophy for his arm. A trophy, by the way, is pretty easy to trade in for one that newer and shinier.

 

I guess it depends on what kind of person you want to be. A pretty face? Or sharp brain? It's hard as hell to get the world to let you be both.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Janesays

[USMCHokie]

I guess it depends on what kind of person you want to be. A pretty face? Or sharp brain? It's hard as hell to get the world to let you be both.

 

And just as importantly, it depends on the kind of person you want to be with...a pretty face...? Or a sharp brain...? Although this is a gross generalization, the prettiest faces tend to draw and appreciate only other pretty faces, and sharp brains tend to draw other sharp brains...and see the pretty face as a nice bonus...and then you have everything in between...

 

I think a sharp brain would be much more appreciative of someone who had both, while someone with just a pretty face might not even know what to do with a sharp brain...if that makes sense...

 

Bottom line, if you've got both, looking for a sharp brain will be a much better path in the long run...

[Janesays]

I don't give a lick about looks. Never have. Even as a wee little tot, I've always gone for the smart boys.

 

Honestly, though, both my Mother and my grandmother were obsessed with youth and beauty. My Mother used to say a woman's greatest assert was her youth. They were both very beautiful women and I spent my childhood watching them use their looks to con men. They never accomplished anything of note. They just preyed on others.

 

As my Mother got older (and started losing her greatest asset) and I started coming into my own, she started abusing me. She saw me as competition. One of her boyfriends called me pretty, so she set my hair on fire. She stabbed me with a steak knife. Held my head under dirty dish water. She would burn me with hot curling iron and say, 'youve got to suffer to be beautiful! '

 

I wanted to be anything in the world BUT beautiful.

 

Now I'm an adult and I really have no use for people who are obsessed with looking perfectly beautiful on the outside while their insides stay twisted and ugly.

[Els]

And just as importantly, it depends on the kind of person you want to be with...a pretty face...? Or a sharp brain...? Although this is a gross generalization, the prettiest faces tend to draw and appreciate only other pretty faces, and sharp brains tend to draw other sharp brains...and see the pretty face as a nice bonus...and then you have everything in between...

 

I think a sharp brain would be much more appreciative of someone who had both, while someone with just a pretty face might not even know what to do with a sharp brain...if that makes sense...

 

I hate making generalizations, but I have generally found this to be true.

[Els]

Furthermore, why WOULD a guy fall in love with an ugly girl? Sure, personality matters, but only when the guy is willing to give a girl a chance. If she's ugly, why would he give her a chance?

 

I'm not sure about ugly. I suppose if a woman was really obese, had a deformed face, etc, she would be ugly. Otherwise, the majority of people, man or woman, are kinda cute in some way or other. Just not 'beautiful' in the way society has led us to idolize. Something like the girl in COMPARTMENT SEVENTY6 » About (Interestingly enough, when I searched for images of 'average girl', lo and behold, 90% of my search turned up model lookalikes...) And I think when you and Leigh and pretty much everyone on this board says 'ugly', they mean 'not beautiful', like the girl I linked. Not really 'ugly'.

 

Moving on from there, I do know many plain/not beautiful girls who are in relationships (I know MORE not-handsome guys who are in relationships, but that's a matter for another thread). I imagine they don't get hit on randomly a lot, but believe it or not, there are actually guys who are interested in getting to know the woman inside. Surely you know plain girls who are in relationships too.

 

To some people, appearances REALLY don't matter all that much. To put it this way, if I was offered the chance to have my bf magically transformed into Brad Pitt, while remaining the same person, I wouldn't care either way. I fell in love with HIM and I don't want or need him to change.

[Kamille]

I'm not sure about ugly. I suppose if a woman was really obese, had a deformed face, etc, she would be ugly. Otherwise, the majority of people, man or woman, are kinda cute in some way or other. Just not 'beautiful' in the way society has led us to idolize. Something like the girl in COMPARTMENT SEVENTY6 » About (Interestingly enough, when I searched for images of 'average girl', lo and behold, 90% of my search turned up model lookalikes...) And I think when you and Leigh and pretty much everyone on this board says 'ugly', they mean 'not beautiful', like the girl I linked. Not really 'ugly'.

 

 

Amen Elswyth!

 

There's a world of difference between being ugly (and you're right, I don't know many ugly people) and being average. And it turns out that most "average" people still have loads going for them physically, enough to make them endearing and attractive. (I think the blogger you linked is a perfect example. She's definitely someone I would want to get to know. Something shines through about her. She's not Angelina Jolie, but she's attractive).

 

I often get the impression that a few posters here (both men and women) imagine that being beautiful would mean that they would have their pick of partners, that everyone would find them attractive. That suddenly, they would never be lonely ever again. They think that if one person out there rejects them, it means all people out there will reject them. It would confirm, in their mind, the idea that there is something irremediably flawed about them.

 

I have some dashingly beautiful friends. Sure, they probably get more attention from men than I do, but they still face rejection like the rest of (average) us. Seriously, they do! A friend of mine, generally called a hottie by all guys I meet, was once completely snubbed by Mr. Jo-average, who thought she was too extroverted for him. Attraction isn't purely about objective physical appearance. It's about demeanor, intellect, personalities, etc. Being average gives one plenty of leverage in dating.

 

So here's the secret folks: there is no immunity against rejection. It's something we all live with. You can let it destroy you or you can see the humor in it. You only have one life to live. Are you going to spend it wishing you were somebody else, or are you going to make the most of what you've got?

[kkay]

Beauty is a curse when you have more to offer than just your looks. I have had many people say and do extremely hurtful things to me because of my appearance.

 

Example 1 - I am an educated, honest and caring person but before I even open my mouth people assume I am conceited, self involved and focused on looks. In reality, I am a counselor and work with victims of horrible violent crimes on a daily basis. I was away at a training on how to facilitate homicide support groups when one woman said to me, "I don't know why you are in this line of work. When I look at you, you do not look like you should be here. When I first saw you I assumed you were too pretty to be smart enough to keep up with the content of the course and that you generally didn't care for your clients" So, basically she assumed that I slept my way through University and that because I look the way I do I do not care about anyone but myself. Awesome.

 

Example 2 - I have been assaulted. I know that there are plenty of people out there that have had this experience and it truly has little to do with looks of the victim but merely the desire for power and control on the part of the offender.

 

Example 3 - People constantly stare and when you are fighting your own insecurities about who you are as a person it is an extremely painful experience.

 

As someone that for some reason people view as "beautiful", I hate it. For two years I actively attempted to gain weight and did not wear make up or dress nicely yet I was still something that was to be desired.

 

I understand that this post may sound ridiculous to some but it is a horrible feeling wondering if people like you for what you have to offer inside or whether you are merely just something people like to have around and look at. I am presently in counseling to work on my insecurities and deal with this confusion that I am plagued with. I often wonder if my former 4 year boyfriend and ex-live in actually even liked me as a person or just wanted to keep me as something on his arm.

 

Gorgeous, fat, thin, tall, short, ugly, it doesn't matter.... We are never just happy with what we have...

[Els]

Amen Elswyth!

 

There's a world of difference between being ugly (and you're right, I don't know many ugly people) and being average. And it turns out that most "average" people still have loads going for them physically, enough to make them endearing and attractive. (I think the blogger you linked is a perfect example. She's definitely someone I would want to get to know. Something shines through about her. She's not Angelina Jolie, but she's attractive).

 

I often get the impression that a few posters here (both men and women) imagine that being beautiful would mean that they would have their pick of partners, that everyone would find them attractive. That suddenly, they would never be lonely ever again. They think that if one person out there rejects them, it means all people out there will reject them. It would confirm, in their mind, the idea that there is something irremediably flawed about them.

 

I have some dashingly beautiful friends. Sure, they probably get more attention from men than I do, but they still face rejection like the rest of (average) us. Seriously, they do! A friend of mine, generally called a hottie by all guys I meet, was once completely snubbed by Mr. Jo-average, who thought she was too extroverted for him. Attraction isn't purely about objective physical appearance. It's about demeanor, intellect, personalities, etc. Being average gives one plenty of leverage in dating.

 

So here's the secret folks: there is no immunity against rejection. It's something we all live with. You can let it destroy you or you can see the humor in it. You only have one life to live. Are you going to spend it wishing you were somebody else, or are you going to make the most of what you've got?

 

Oh, I agree! I'd love to get to know the blogger personally as well, I think, if I met her IRL. She looks really happy, despite having gone through a lot more crap than many people here have.

 

I do think that good-looking men and women generally face less 'rejection', but I do also think that they aren't any more likely to be in a good relationship than average-looking people. I mean, look at celebrities. Incredibly handsome and beautiful people, but so much divorce, cheating, abuse, drama...

 

I know gorgeous women who are in good (or so it seems to me) relationships, but I also know gorgeous women who are in relationships with bums who are failing college while playing video games 10 hours a day, or are single because men keep preying on them for casual stuff but not relationships, etc.

[Leigh 87]

Bottom line: if your average, u have every chance of finding a happy and fulfilling relationship, as a beautiful person.

 

You just have less people checking you out when your shopping or at a coffee shop.

 

And, average people, have to have something extraordinary about themselves, that attracts people, rather then their looks. Average people CAN get noticed, for such characteristics as their

 

- sense of style. I love bright colours. I get noticed easily, just becaus eI love and relish being myself, and earing clothes that express myself.

 

- smiling, looking friendly, looking like they are genuine and fun loving people

 

 

Sometimes, average looking people, with something particular about them ( sense of style, etc), can actually attract men. Once they talk to you, they are sold, exactly the same as with beautiful people.

 

 

The only advantage beautiful people have, is

 

- they get noticed easily, without having to have something special about them

 

 

 

Really. I am just so saddaned that he OP has not learnt how to enjoy just being themselves, and really liking their uniqueness, and not believing it can attract others remotely.

 

 

That said, being truly ugly is hard to find an " average" looking person, but few people are truly hidious and very very unnappealing to looka t, to the point of disgusting another person.

 

 

I know so many people, who would love a petite chic with huge boobs, like the op, who was also articulate like she was, and a " geek". If she really learnt to thrive off who she is, she could get guys. No problem there.

[verhrzn]

Bottom line: if your average, u have every chance of finding a happy and fulfilling relationship, as a beautiful person.

 

You just have less people checking you out when your shopping or at a coffee shop.

 

And, average people, have to have something extraordinary about themselves, that attracts people, rather then their looks. Average people CAN get noticed, for such characteristics as their

 

- sense of style. I love bright colours. I get noticed easily, just becaus eI love and relish being myself, and earing clothes that express myself.

 

- smiling, looking friendly, looking like they are genuine and fun loving people

 

 

Sometimes, average looking people, with something particular about them ( sense of style, etc), can actually attract men. Once they talk to you, they are sold, exactly the same as with beautiful people.

 

 

The only advantage beautiful people have, is

 

- they get noticed easily, without having to have something special about them

 

 

 

Really. I am just so saddaned that he OP has not learnt how to enjoy just being themselves, and really liking their uniqueness, and not believing it can attract others remotely.

 

 

That said, being truly ugly is hard to find an " average" looking person, but few people are truly hidious and very very unnappealing to looka t, to the point of disgusting another person.

 

 

I know so many people, who would love a petite chic with huge boobs, like the op, who was also articulate like she was, and a " geek". If she really learnt to thrive off who she is, she could get guys. No problem there.

 

Your posts still make no sense. You say yourself that if you had stayed ugly, you would have never gotten your boyfriend. In your posts, you admit that you have to be average or beautiful to find a relationship, so I really don't get your point about optimism or style or anything.

 

I am not petite. I am f*cking overweight, and my boobs are average-sized at best.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Here's a story of a truly physically beautiful woman who I know well.

 

I have a close friend of my age who is as stunning as a top supermodel, and in fact she did make a living as a model. I mean, down to the way her veins in her hands looked, the color of her skin, she was an exquisite creature. She is also very tall; kind of looked like 60's sex icon Ursula Andress.

 

Redirect Notice

 

We've been friends for over 30 years.

 

I was very jealous of her looks. It was kind of hard to be right next to her. She was not every guy's cup of tea; she was too tall and Amazonian for many of them, but NOBODY failed to stare and respond to her utter gorgeousness. And not only was she beautiful, she was also extremely talented - a beautiful singer, wonderful actress with a promising career in theater (which never got off the ground), could play several instruments, an artist and a muse. If we were in a club, people would just clear the dance floor and watch her.

 

Well. What a train wreck. She was a hard drinker, random drug user, very promiscuous and used abortion as birth control. I think she had 7 of them. She had some kind of anxiety disorder and ended up getting alopecia universalis - every hair on her head and entire body fell out.

 

Ultimately she settled down, grew more hair, finished college, got married (to a completely average looking blue collar guy who's shorter than she is), had 2 gorgeous kids - but then she went sort of bonkers and "fell in love" with some guy 15 years younger than she was, had an affair, and dumped her poor hubby. Then the young guy dumped her, and she was filled with regret. Her hair fell out again. Her beloved brother and his 3 children were killed in a horrible accident, and she went into a complete depression.

 

She got on meds and has been slowly coming out of it. Her kids are in college now and she never remarried. She works as a nurse.

 

I don't think her beauty accounted for the messes in her life. It didn't provide her with happiness, either.

[Leigh 87]

Actually, I heard it from ANOTHEr poster, on this board: they referrd to your large boobs, so I just assumed....

 

No need to be a rude B*tch. U sound mean, actually.

 

 

To clear your confusion up: average or slightly below average people can be happy with great partners, and have average looking men, with amazing personalities, notice u.

 

I stated that TRULY UGLY PEOPLE, as in, which are few few, are limited to people who can stomach their looks; which will likely be other people who also are very, very inpleasant to look at.

 

 

Basically: average and slightly below average: not a problem. I see blissfully happy average and below average couples every day.

 

TRULY UGLY people, on the other hand - unfortunately, not all average looking people will choose a person, even if they are awesome, if they are just INCREDIBLY unnapealing and horrible to look at.

 

 

 

YOU ARE NOT dispicibly ugly.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Leigh 87

[SongOfAWoman]

Since I have been at both extreme ends of the spectrum, I discovered a few nasty truths. When I was beautiful it was more impressive to people that I was intelligent. Why was being pretty and smart better than just being smart?

 

People were nicer to me. I got better jobs. At least after a few years when I overcame my crippling shyness. People gave me things. Men drooled and actually would knock over things in the store staring. And I resented it. All the time I had been nice and kind and to people they treated me like dirt. As a matter of fact, a guy I was enthralled with broke up with me cause he said I was just too fat. Nice, huh. A year later, after the 100 pound loss, he hit on me in a store. It was one of those moments you just don't get very often. I blew him off in front of 50 people.

 

But really the best moment was at a bar. A group of guys were with one obviously geeky and inexperienced friend, and making fun of him relentlessly. One of them asked me to dance. I politely said no and walked over to the geeky friend and asked HIM to dance. The look on his face, and the others faces, was a memory I carry to this day.

 

Unfortunately physical perfection has an expiration date, somewhat. I'm 52 and I look good for 52, but that's it. I will never have that feeling again and sometimes, even though it sounds shallow, I miss it.

[Leigh 87]

songofawomen - omg I am the exact same, in my own way..

 

 

I grew up hideous, then became hot, and had attention from people; although I actually prefer to go for average looking guys. Very good looking guys probably take it for granted that I am good looking, as they have gorgeous girls all the time.

 

 

 

 

I love that story about the nerd u danced with!@ Did u end up getting his number? He could have been really nice:)

 

 

 

I am not as drop dead gorgeous as u were. I will re hash though, that my personality was lacking when I was great looking at first, so guys would initially chat to me, but lose interest due to my lack lusture personality.

 

Where as an unnatractive girl will not get the opportunity with men, but when they do, they keep them if they are great characters.

[ScreamingTrees]

I'm not so sure. I've observed men cat-call particular women in front of me, but not cat-call me. One time, a guy cat-called a woman in front of me, and then nodded/bowed a bit to me and said, "Good afternoon, Miss." And I do not for a second think it was because I was any less attractive than the woman he cat-called.

 

Maybe they just had this intuitive feeling that you'd have kicked their asses?

 

By the way, I regularly have to replace mirrors when I look directly into them.

And when I look into puddles, I get splashed in the face.

 

Does this mean I'm TOO beautiful to handle?

Edited March 5, 2012 by ScreamingTrees

[jobaba]

Wasn't sure what thread to put this post in but thought this could be appropriate... I've always yearned to know what it's like to beautiful, or be seen as very physically attractive. Can other people describe what their experiences are like?

 

It does not make your life that much better if that is what you are getting at.

 

We tend to focus on our own unique problems in life. Like yourself, I don't think I'm very attractive either. I've often told myself if I were tall (or even average height) and good looking, my life would be perfect. Of course, if I were I'd probably find other stuff to whine about.

 

A sad example of this...

 

Easily the best looking guy out of all of my friends in college was a mixed guy who was tall, well dressed, athletic. Women who barely used to know him used to come up to him and propose naughty things. He could barely crack jokes and women wanted to be around him.

 

Are you aware of how far that is from MY reality? Pretty close to 180 degrees.

 

He was also a very smart man. But suffered from depression. He committed suicide a little over a year ago.

 

Good looks do not make life perfect.

[DepressedinDenver]

 

Good looks do not make life perfect.

 

But they help tonssss!

[jackmartin199030]

What about "Beauty and the Beast"? I think that her looks proved to be quite a burden for her to bear …In both tales, though, the beauty aspect caused a LOT of problems for the gals.

[danmorisson]

I've seen your pictures. You're not ugly.

 

IME, I'm more likely to be treated badly if I don't come across as confident.

 

 

Are people still spreading this utter rubbish? It has nothing to do with confidence.

[danmorisson]

But they help tonssss!

 

Goog looking people live MUCH better lives, this thread is pure insult to all those ugly people out there, this shouldn't even be open for debate