RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My dear father died. He was the best father in the world. He was perfect and I said that before this awful day came. He was only 67. I just found out today. My mom waited for me to come home from school to tell me because she wanted to be there for me to comfort me. He actually died yesterday at 6 pm (12 pm here in the US, east coast) after they took him to the hospital, but nobody called me. His best friend's wife emailed my mom. My mom found the email in her spam. So, I didn't know for about 32 hours that my father was dead. I had a great day yesterday and today, I laughed, I thought about stupid things and emailed guys on dating sites - all while my daddy was lying dead, because nobody cared to tell me, his loving daughter, the person he loved more than anyone in this world, that he died. He had a stroke. He never smoked or drank. He was maybe 50-60 lbs overweight, but not obese. I haven't seen him in 6 years. I talked to him on the phone a lot, but in the past year I didn't have much time or money to talk to him. Maybe if I had talked to him, he would've still been alive. I planned for him to come visit me when I get a job. He didn't live to see his daughter graduate and become a lawyer. I don't know how I am going to live without my dad for the rest of my life. I so want to share everything with him. He was so young. This is so ridiculous. I always thought my dad would live 90+ years. His father died at 93 and mother at 88. This is so not fair. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye to him before he left. I love you, Daddy, wherever you are. I love you so much and I miss you terribly. Rest in peace, Daddy. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My condolences. You'll make a great lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 RP...I Am So Sorry for Your Loss, You Have My Deepest Sympathy **big hugs** Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm so sorry RP. I can't believe someone would pass along such news via e-mail and not make the effort to pick up the phone. My sincere condolences go out to you. xo D Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm sorry too. That is unhappy news. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I am so sorry RP. My dad was also 67 when he died. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thank you so much, guys. D-Lish, I thought she didn't have our phone number but she could've called someone and asked. She was his friend for like 40 years (and mine too). I never thought my uncle would let me not knowof my father's death for over a day. I am so mad at him, I don't even want to call him now. And my former best friend must have known before me (her mother lives next door) and she didn't call or at least email to express her sympathy. I called her when her father died and he was 75. Well, my exbrought the kids and said he was so sorry. When I said he was only 67, my exwas like "I know, I am so lucky my parents are both alive and they're older!" I was smoking outside and he hugged me and then stood there for like 2 min anxious to leave as if I'm just a neighbor whose name he couldn't remember. He even forgottotellhis parents and step-momthat my dad died, because nobody called me. I don't want to be self-centered but it would've been nice and wound-soothing to know that some people who have known me for years (and many of them my whole life) have the decency to pick up the phone and say a couple words. Everybody knows I was extremely closeto my father. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm so sorry, RP. (((HUG))) Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm sorry about your dad RP. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Bradly Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Im SO sorry to hear sad news like this. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thank you so much, guys. D-Lish, I thought she didn't have our phone number but she could've called someone and asked. She was his friend for like 40 years (and mine too). I never thought my uncle would let me not knowof my father's death for over a day. I am so mad at him, I don't even want to call him now. And my former best friend must have known before me (her mother lives next door) and she didn't call or at least email to express her sympathy. I called her when her father died and he was 75. Well, my exbrought the kids and said he was so sorry. When I said he was only 67, my exwas like "I know, I am so lucky my parents are both alive and they're older!" I was smoking outside and he hugged me and then stood there for like 2 min anxious to leave as if I'm just a neighbor whose name he couldn't remember. He even forgottotellhis parents and step-momthat my dad died, because nobody called me. I don't want to be self-centered but it would've been nice and wound-soothing to know that some people who have known me for years (and many of them my whole life) have the decency to pick up the phone and say a couple words. Everybody knows I was extremely close to my father. Your ex's reaction sounds like how my ex would react to tragedy- "Can't deal with it, gotta run". People are insensitive. People don't know how to react to death. I think that's why funerals are always so awkward. When my grandfather died SOOOOO many people thought it would be comforting to approach me and talk about heaven and that everything was okay because he was "with God" now. I wanted to tell them to shut the hell up (I'm not religious). I think you really get to know who your real friends are in a time of crisis. The good ones will come out of the word work. You're right, it wouldn't have taken much for someone to pick up the phone. Finding out through e-mail is as bad as finding out through a text. Someone should have picked up the phone and called you. I'm sorry that didn't happen. My thoughts are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Sorry for your loss, I know that pain too as I lost my father to cancer, coming up 19 years.. Hugs and keep venting. Sorry too that things were handled badly and how the information about your dad was sent.. All that just does is make things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks, D-Lish and everybody. You guys are so kind. I want my dad back. I so want to hold him and kiss his cheeks. I remember how they feel under my lips, his rough half-day beard, and his smell, his smile and his laughter... I just want to be with him now. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 lo siento ... you and your dad are in my prayers tonight ... whenever things start getting bad because you miss him, or when the grieving doesn't seem like it'll ever end, remember this: You carry best of your daddy and your mom in you. They've planted something in you that makes you incredibly special, something you share with every life you touch, even if you don't immediately see it for yourself. The best of him lives on in you Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 That's tough, RP. I'm sorry about your dad. It's good you're remembering the good things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 All of you who said you lost a loved one, I too am so sorry for your pain. I just posted this in my other thread... It just occurred to me that my mother (who lives with me in the US) emailed him back and forth. I asked her today to forward all emails to me and she said "Those were our conversations." I said I wanted to have them regardless and she said "in a few days." I bet she is going to delete some of the emails. She must have worried the heck out of him cuz she's capable of it. He probably had a stroke because of her and what she was telling him. She probably thought if she is having a hard time with my problems, why should he be spared? I know she poisoned him with her words. But, while she was arguing AND laughing and joking with me, he was worrying and dying. He didn't even live to find out that I stopped drinking. I have to find out what she told him. Thing is she is going tolie to me because she is not an honest person. If I find out that she has presented my life as a nightmare or served him some horror stories - i.e. killed him - I'll never speak to her again. :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 So very sorry RP. Thinking of you tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm so sorry for your loss, you have my sympathy. Sixty-seven is just too young. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 lo siento ... you and your dad are in my prayers tonight ... whenever things start getting bad because you miss him, or when the grieving doesn't seem like it'll ever end, remember this: You carry best of your daddy and your mom in you. They've planted something in you that makes you incredibly special, something you share with every life you touch, even if you don't immediately see it for yourself. The best of him lives on in you I know, dearest Quan, but he died so young. I thought he wouldlive at least another 20 years. He was around 60 when his parents died. He was the most wonderful father. I wish I had told him that before he died. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss. The hospital should have asked about next of kin from whomever was with him there, and made sure you were notified when he was brought to the hospital. It's especially hard when it's so sudden and unexpected, as opposed to something you have time to mentally prepare for. I'm sorry. It's really tough to lose someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss. The hospital should have asked about next of kin from whomever was with him there, and made sure you were notified when he was brought to the hospital. It's especially hard when it's so sudden and unexpected, as opposed to something you have time to mentally prepare for. I'm sorry. It's really tough to lose someone you love.Kathy, thanks so much. The hospital is in another country, 5,000 miles away and I am sure his brother and probably son (my 1/2 brother) were there. My uncle should've called me. I grew up with him, he lived next door to my dad's. He obviously called today but should've called immediately. Oh, God, I miss him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Kathy, thanks so much. The hospital is in another country, 5,000 miles away and I am sure his brother and probably son (my 1/2 brother) were there. My uncle should've called me. I grew up with him, he lived next door to my dad's. He obviously called today but should've called immediately. Oh, God, I miss him so much. Your uncle should have called you from the hospital, but it's possible he was so overwhelmed with everything that he wasn't thinking clearly. In any case, I'm sorry. I hope your family can be supportive to each other now, and help each other to get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted February 22, 2012 Senior Moderators Share Posted February 22, 2012 I am deeply sorry for your loss. The memories you have of your father will honor him forever. From your description he was a very special man. I'm sure at this time he would want you to celebrate his life...he helped bring you into it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone is one of the most difficult things we have to face in our lives. Try not to blame yourself and surround yourself with your other close relatives and friends to help you get through this difficult time. No one should have to deal with horrible circumstances like that. When my mother in law was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, my husband found out through a mass family e-mail from his mother, rather than being told in person. Remember, you will get through this. I'm sure your father understood you did the best you could to help him and yourself and is very proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 (edited) I am deeply sorry for your loss. The memories you have of your father will honor him forever. From your description he was a very special man. I'm sure at this time he would want you to celebrate his life...he helped bring you into it.Thank you, Setsenia and Tony for your kind words. Yes, memories are all I have now. And his love. You know, often when a parent dies suddenly, their child dies soon thereafter. I am not religious but it's as though God doesn't want the parent to live to see their child's death. I know a woman whose mother died very suddenly. A year later, on the same date, her brother died of a heart attack. Maybe god took him so that he doesn't seemy death - in which case I'd be glad that he died. I was thinking today I am glad that his parents are dead and didn't witness him dying so young. Maybe I am going a little crazy now. I should've talked to him regularly. Maybe everything would've been different. I just re-read his last email from Feb. 1 and he said I shouldn't worry about talking on the phone, that I should prioritize the studying and he was very glad about me doing well at school and work. I also told him I had a hard time in my love life (being divorced and all), so he knew I was fine, right? He knew because I included both good and bad and the bad wasn't so bad. I mean, whatever horror stories my mother may have told him he must have known that if I am happy at school and work that I'm essentially fine and my drinking couldn't have been too bad, right? He didn't have a reason to worry about me, right? He even told me the drinking was not the worst thing in the world and, while he seemed worried, I don't think he ever understood the magnitude of the problem, considering his worst drinkeness probably consisted of 3 glasses of wine. My sweet daddy... I am shuffling between sadness and anger now. I am mad at the whole world for one reasn or another: my mom, my kids, my ex, and everybody who knows or should know better... the only creature I can look at right now is my dog. I didn't even get to tell my dad about my puppy. Urgh... she's not pretty anyway, but she is very smart and sweet. Edited February 22, 2012 by RecordProducer Link to post Share on other sites
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