luvstarved Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 What do you think of a married woman posting on a married man's wall, out of the blue, a photo of a poem that man had written to her FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a photo of a note she had written to herself about him (things he said to her, etc) FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a picture of a dried up flower that he gave her FORTY years ago...keeping in mind that while the articles are old, the photos are NEW...as in, she still has this stuff....? This happened to my husband. The bone of contention is that I feel this stuff is weird and embarrassing, and he thinks that it is normal and innocent. He seems to understand that it would not be normal and innocent if I posted mementos from old boyfriends on THEIR walls, but somehow this is different. Don't get me wrong. I do not feel threatened by these things, but it does bother me that he allows them to be prominently featured on his wall, and that he acts like I am the weird one for thinking this is weird! I deactivated my facebook finally over this, although it was just the straw that broke the camel's back (I have found myself increasingly disenchanted with FB in general, for many reasons). I genuinely feel embarrassed at the idea that someone would go to my FB page, click the link to see what kind of man I am married to, and see this crap highlighted on his wall. However "insignificant" it might be, employers, etc go to social media sites to check people out. It's not just the pics, but the dumbass comments that go with them. Ha Ha LOL remember this? Like I said, it was a preponderance of such dumbassedness that caused me to leave facebook, this just pushed me over the fence... I do agree that he has a right to do what he wants on facebook, but I feel that I have a right to not be associated with it. He thinks I am overreacting and wants me to reactivate... Meanwhile, he went ballistic when someone commented on mine that I was "lookin' good"...!!! I am embarrassed by these posts, but I am angered by the double standard... Does anyone else think it is weird for married people to a) save this kind of crap for forty years b) post pics of this crap on the married giver's wall??? Am I wrong for not wanting to be connected to it? Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Does anyone else think it is weird for married people to a) save this kind of crap for forty years b) post pics of this crap on the married giver's wall??? Am I wrong for not wanting to be connected to it? Sure it's weird. (Or sad.) But many people are weird. Some people find weird cute, or attractive. But that's not really the point. What matters more is that you felt uncomfortable about it, and your husband chose to ignore or diminish your response rather than deleting the posts or the comments. I'd worry less about her and her motivation and more about his response and his double standard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I see so many things wrong with this, especially the way your husband is brushing off your feelings as irrational and his double standard. He should have deleted those posts. I would be embarrassed too if my husband left something like that up on his wall. It's just so inappropriate. He doesn't need to be "reminiscing" with an old girlfriend. You need to sit him down & have a serious talk about boundaries. Honestly, this is how affairs start. "Innocent" contact with an ex suddenly turns into more when your marriage hits a rough patch or they simply spend too much time chatting & digging up old feelings. I would put a stop to this right now, and initiate some discussions about his ridiculous double standards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Prime Vera Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I wouldn't like that either. My husband defriended someone for posting old photos of him with an old girlfriend. I love him for doing that, even though I didn't ask him to. As for your H, the choice is A) leave the posts alone and deal with the fallout or B) remove the pictures of some 40 year old notes and flowers and make you happy. Seems like a no brainer to me. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 What do you think of a married woman posting on a married man's wall, out of the blue, a photo of a poem that man had written to her FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a photo of a note she had written to herself about him (things he said to her, etc) FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a picture of a dried up flower that he gave her FORTY years ago...keeping in mind that while the articles are old, the photos are NEW...as in, she still has this stuff....? This happened to my husband. The bone of contention is that I feel this stuff is weird and embarrassing, and he thinks that it is normal and innocent. He seems to understand that it would not be normal and innocent if I posted mementos from old boyfriends on THEIR walls, but somehow this is different. Don't get me wrong. I do not feel threatened by these things, but it does bother me that he allows them to be prominently featured on his wall, and that he acts like I am the weird one for thinking this is weird! I deactivated my facebook finally over this, although it was just the straw that broke the camel's back (I have found myself increasingly disenchanted with FB in general, for many reasons). I genuinely feel embarrassed at the idea that someone would go to my FB page, click the link to see what kind of man I am married to, and see this crap highlighted on his wall. However "insignificant" it might be, employers, etc go to social media sites to check people out. It's not just the pics, but the dumbass comments that go with them. Ha Ha LOL remember this? Like I said, it was a preponderance of such dumbassedness that caused me to leave facebook, this just pushed me over the fence... I do agree that he has a right to do what he wants on facebook, but I feel that I have a right to not be associated with it. He thinks I am overreacting and wants me to reactivate... Meanwhile, he went ballistic when someone commented on mine that I was "lookin' good"...!!! I am embarrassed by these posts, but I am angered by the double standard... Does anyone else think it is weird for married people to a) save this kind of crap for forty years b) post pics of this crap on the married giver's wall??? Am I wrong for not wanting to be connected to it? The double standard is plainly wrong... but you're both insensitive to one another for even having Facebook accounts open to the masses. So in a sense, you got what you deserved. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 What do you think of a married woman posting on a married man's wall, out of the blue, a photo of a poem that man had written to her FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a photo of a note she had written to herself about him (things he said to her, etc) FORTY years ago? Then follows it up with a picture of a dried up flower that he gave her FORTY years ago...keeping in mind that while the articles are old, the photos are NEW...as in, she still has this stuff....? This happened to my husband. The bone of contention is that I feel this stuff is weird and embarrassing, and he thinks that it is normal and innocent. He seems to understand that it would not be normal and innocent if I posted mementos from old boyfriends on THEIR walls, but somehow this is different. Don't get me wrong. I do not feel threatened by these things, but it does bother me that he allows them to be prominently featured on his wall, and that he acts like I am the weird one for thinking this is weird! I deactivated my facebook finally over this, although it was just the straw that broke the camel's back (I have found myself increasingly disenchanted with FB in general, for many reasons). I genuinely feel embarrassed at the idea that someone would go to my FB page, click the link to see what kind of man I am married to, and see this crap highlighted on his wall. However "insignificant" it might be, employers, etc go to social media sites to check people out. It's not just the pics, but the dumbass comments that go with them. Ha Ha LOL remember this? Like I said, it was a preponderance of such dumbassedness that caused me to leave facebook, this just pushed me over the fence... I do agree that he has a right to do what he wants on facebook, but I feel that I have a right to not be associated with it. He thinks I am overreacting and wants me to reactivate... Meanwhile, he went ballistic when someone commented on mine that I was "lookin' good"...!!! I am embarrassed by these posts, but I am angered by the double standard... Does anyone else think it is weird for married people to a) save this kind of crap for forty years b) post pics of this crap on the married giver's wall??? Am I wrong for not wanting to be connected to it? It is ridiculous that he wants you to reactivate, as though FB is of supreme importance and it is very ridiculous that he does not see the problem with this. Yes that is weird and inappropriate. I think people need to be careful of what they put on Facebook, and I think it is tacky for people to air their relationship details on Facebook, whether it is those who have "Facebook breakups" or those who use Facebook as a medium to express their love or share private memories in a public fora. Facebook shouldn't be for that kind of thing. That said, it is indeed embarrassing for you to be married to him and for your friends and his friends and family to be able to see another woman posting love poems and old mementos on his wall! Both she and he are inappropriate. I think if you don't like it (as you have every right not to), he should accept that and ask her to stop and delete those comments out of respect for YOU and your marriage. He should not be choosing Facebook and Facebook comments over your feelings. I still can't believe his solution is for you to get over it and "reactivate" versus stop his inappropriate and embarrassing shenanigans online. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Satans's notebook strikes again. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Luvstarved, You hit a note with me. The woman you are talking about might even be my XW. She did this kind of crap on facebook and on classmates dot com. Is your husband's name James (Jim) D**** by any chance? She hooked up with him on facebook after not seeing him allegedly for over 40 years. Then started sending love poems to him. I did not find out any of this crap until after she divorced me. And yes it is highly innapropriate. My XW stopped saying ILY to me years ago and here she was telling another man ILY every single day. Made me want to throw up when I read some of her idiotic poetry and emails. And to top it off she was flirting with a few other guys she went to high school with over 40 years ago. Some women just never grow the hell up I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
nrekic.rose Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I see so many things wrong with this, especially the way your husband is brushing off your feelings as irrational and his double standard. He should have deleted those posts. I would be embarrassed too if my husband left something like that up on his wall. It's just so inappropriate. He doesn't need to be "reminiscing" with an old girlfriend. You need to sit him down & have a serious talk about boundaries. Honestly, this is how affairs start. "Innocent" contact with an ex suddenly turns into more when your marriage hits a rough patch or they simply spend too much time chatting & digging up old feelings. I would put a stop to this right now, and initiate some discussions about his ridiculous double standards. I completely agree. She clearly still has feelings for him if she kept all these things for forty years... thats a very long time... She would have protected these things dearly through house moves, etc, over the years for them to still be in tact. Your husband should feel a little weirded out by that. Their relationship ended a very long time ago. Even if they were both single, its still odd. And the very fact that it upsets you means he should delete the posts. I don't think you should have ex's on your facebook to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Yes, it's weird behavior. I don't know that it would personally "bother" me (check with me in 40 years, I guess) but the fact that it bothers you means he should've taken it at least a little seriously, especially if there would be a double standard with your exBFs from the past. I don't think it's weird to post an old photo and tag someone from the past, but it sounds like she is zoning in on him in a weird way, yes. Again, it wouldn't worry me, but you're well within your rights to ask him to deal with it if it bothers you, I think. Anyway, it's seriously just FB. I don't know why people have so much FB drama. Link to post Share on other sites
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