predicament

[frozensprouts]

htank you. someone finally understood what i was getting at. yes i'm pissed that he deceived me for 1.5 yrs with the child thing. he probably doesnt deserve being lied to but he lied to me for 1.5 yrs...hence i stand my ground.

 

 

I hate to say this....but it sounds like you are lying to get even/ You are planning on using your unborn child as a tool to extract revenge upon your ex fiance?

Seriously...stop and consider the effect that you have on your child....someone innocent who did not asked to get dragged into this whole mess...how is he or she going to feel when this all blows up in your face? what long term effects will this lie have on them/ Have you thought about that? is your need to get revenge worth all of that?

 

What did your ex fiance do that was so bad that are planning to do his to him? Maybe he did want kids but changed his mind...it happens. Maybe he was too nervous about the responsibility, etc. ...who knows? But for this he should be punished in one of the most cruel ways possible...do you really and truly believe that is the right thing to do?

 

BTW...you really do seem to have a double standard about deception and lying...you seem to have no issues with lying or participating in a lie to others, but get very freaked out when you feel someone has lied to you...why can't you treat others with the same respect you feel you deserve for yourself?

[whichwayisup]

htank you. someone finally understood what i was getting at. yes i'm pissed that he deceived me for 1.5 yrs with the child thing. he probably doesnt deserve being lied to but he lied to me for 1.5 yrs...hence i stand my ground.

 

So that gives you the right to pass this innocent baby off as his? I get that you're pissed off and feeling betrayed but it still doesn't give you the right or justification to go ahead and do this. It is possible he just changed his mind as time went along and you know what? People have the right to change their minds about kids. Obviously it's for the best you two DIDN'T get married. He has/had his reasons not to want to be a parent. Like it or not.

 

I'm really hoping you'll come to your senses soon because this is ONE HUGE fat lie that WILL ruin you one day if you don't come clean and tell the truth now. Your excuse/justification won't hold up in court, in your family and friends eyes. And, if he at some point demands a paternity test, the truth will come out. Didn't you say the xMM knows you're pregnant? Either way, I'm sure he'll want a test done too.

 

Tell the truth now while you still can. If you don't it'll be one decision you'll regret making. You are reacting on emotion and revenge, not love and care.

[Lauriebell82]

htank you. someone finally understood what i was getting at. yes i'm pissed that he deceived me for 1.5 yrs with the child thing. he probably doesnt deserve being lied to but he lied to me for 1.5 yrs...hence i stand my ground.

 

Ohhh, so it's like a revenge kind of thing. Yikes!

 

I understand you are going to do what you want despite 5 pages of responses to your thread. But this is going to end badly no matter WHAT.

Does MM know you want to pass the child off as your exF? Since his opinion matters so much to you, maybe you should run that by him and see what he says. It sounds like he is supportive of someone else raising his child, but I can't imagine even a lying, cheating MM would even condone something like that (passing off paternity to fiance).

 

WWIU is right, you are acting out of emotion not logic. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

[bentnotbroken]

htank you. someone finally understood what i was getting at. yes i'm pissed that he deceived me for 1.5 yrs with the child thing. he probably doesnt deserve being lied to but he lied to me for 1.5 yrs...hence i stand my ground.

 

 

This is the kind of person who will be teaching children how to treat others. This is the playground mentality of a 10 year old who got her Barbie taken, held on to the resentment, and now taking his G.I. to get even by using an innocent child.....maturity at it's best. Stand your ground....usually it shifts and knocks you on your azz and then you have to figure out how to get up and pick up the people you knocked down in the process...if they ever let you touch them again.

[bentnotbroken]

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

 

- Marshall Rosenberg

 

now turn around and look in the mirror and tell me how perfect you are. yeah exactly. i thought so...

 

 

What tragic unmet need do you have that hasn't been met that allows you to do this to other people. You criticized you ex, judged him as being unfair to you, and are expressing your anger at him by lying to him about a child and using that child as the weapon? Huh?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Good one, bro.

[alexandria35]

Jaloka mentioned on another thread that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and is on meds. As someone who has had a BPD partner, I kind of suspect that the exf said he wanted kids because he did but then later on felt like Jaloka was too mentally and emotionally unstable to have a child with. Just by reading her posts here we can see how childish, manipulative and self centered she tends to be.

[bentnotbroken]

Jaloka mentioned on another thread that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and is on meds. As someone who has had a BPD partner, I kind of suspect that the exf said he wanted kids because he did but then later on felt like Jaloka was too mentally and emotionally unstable to have a child with. Just by reading her posts here we can see how childish, manipulative and self centered she tends to be.

 

 

Ahh, that does explain a lot.

[denise_xo]

Reading this thread is a bit like observing a major train crash about to happen, with the driver ignoring all the warning signals. It's very sad

[2sunny]

The fact remains - your xF doesn't want a baby.

 

He doesn't! IF you intend to keep it - be honest! Tell him it's not his... That way he doesn't spend the rest of his life wondering why he cut a child out of his life out of his own desire not to have kids.

 

Just tell him. And no need to tell your OM - IF you intend to keep it - THAT is YOUR choice, and your responsibility to provide for the child.

 

Leave the men out... In every sense of what the future will bring. You want this - YOU take FULL responsibility for ALL of it!

[bentnotbroken]

The fact remains - your xF doesn't want a baby.

 

He doesn't! IF you intend to keep it - be honest! Tell him it's not his... That way he doesn't spend the rest of his life wondering why he cut a child out of his life out of his own desire not to have kids.

 

Just tell him. And no need to tell your OM - IF you intend to keep it - THAT is YOUR choice, and your responsibility to provide for the child.

 

Leave the men out... In every sense of what the future will bring. You want this - YOU take FULL responsibility for ALL of it!

 

 

The OM has been the courtesy of knowing the truth....just not the ex.

[Emme]

Jaloka, what are your plans if your ex decides he wants a DNA test at birth? Have you even considered that possibility. Will you then confess or wait for results.

[Lauriebell82]

Jaloka, what are your plans if your ex decides he wants a DNA test at birth? Have you even considered that possibility. Will you then confess or wait for results.

 

She most likely will try to continue her lie as long as possible, such as she won't be able to get a DNA test until "such and such a date." Then she can convince herself that the xF will be recommitted to the relationship and that he won't care if the eventual DNA test comes back as MM's child.

 

Unfortuantely women with BPD frequently display deceptive behavior due to the inability to maintain healthy relationships and attachments to others. I really hope OP is considering these possiblities..but chances are she will continue this behavior as she isn't understanding or just doesn't care about the damage it will do.

[whichwayisup]

Something to think about.. Since exMM knows you're pregnant too, someone else other than you knows the truth. If exMM wanted to (be sure who the father is) he could hire a PI and find out you were with someone else, especially if he plans on telling his wife the truth too. They could very well together hire a PI to follow you, dig into your life... Not a nice way for your exfiancee to find out the truth that he isn't the father of your baby.

 

THINK this through!!

 

Jaloka mentioned on another thread that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and is on meds. As someone who has had a BPD partner, I kind of suspect that the exf said he wanted kids because he did but then later on felt like Jaloka was too mentally and emotionally unstable to have a child with. Just by reading her posts here we can see how childish, manipulative and self centered she tends to be.

 

I thought that was another poster, who is also pregnant and has a thread going on in this section. Unless I've missed something, as far as I know, this poster J isn't BP or have any mental illness.. She already has a child, where as the other poster K doesn't.

[Lauriebell82]

Something to think about.. Since exMM knows you're pregnant too, someone else other than you knows the truth. If exMM wanted to (be sure who the father is) he could hire a PI and find out you were with someone else, especially if he plans on telling his wife the truth too. They could very well together hire a PI to follow you, dig into your life... Not a nice way for your exfiancee to find out the truth that he isn't the father of your baby.

 

THINK this through!!

 

Great post! I think OP had mentioned that MM knows about her xF and was encouraging her to work things out with him. She didn't mention whether or not she told him she wanted to pass the child off as xF's though. I'm guessing she didn't share that bit of info with him. He'd probably be pissed off!

 

I thought that was another poster, who is also pregnant and has a thread going on in this section. Unless I've missed something, as far as I know, this poster J isn't BP or have any mental illness.. She already has a child, where as the other poster K doesn't.

 

Yeah, I think you are right.

[Lauriebell82]

I wouldn't be so sure about xMM getting pissed off.

 

Yeah, maybe he wouldn't. Then he wouldn't have to financially support the baby or anything because she is claiming the child isn't his.

[SoxPrincess]

I'm usually the very last one to cast stones around here but this is so far beyond ****ed up, the light from ****ed up is a million years away. Seriously.

 

I was in this situation once, well not exactly the same situation, but there are similarities. I was dating someone, we broke up..I started dating someone else and found out I was pregnant with exBF's baby. I really disliked exBF at that stage of the game, didn't want my future tied with his for all eternity, we lived several states apart at the time, I was afraid what new BF would think, etc. It would have been EXTREMELY easy to pass off the baby as new BF's & I'm not going to lie, the thought briefly crossed my mind...and promptly went right out the other ear. I told exBF he was the father, I told current BF that I was carrying exBF's baby; exBF swore up & down he was going to fight for this, fight for that; current BF said he'd support me in whatever decision(s) I made. Long story short, exBF ended up not wanting anything to do with the baby, current BF was in the delivery room when I gave birth to my daughter....I've now been married to that "current BF" for 14 years and he adopted my daughter 10 years ago (exBF signed away his rights).

 

For one moment forget the PLETHORA of immoralities going on here and stop to think about the baby for 1 second. You mentioned in a post that exMM has had "genetic testing" and "all is good there"..that doesn't mean ****. Babies/children get ill, things happen just because that's the way life goes. Are you really willing to go on with this charade and God forbid that baby need a transplant, transfusion..whatever the case may be, in a split second & xF thinks everything will be just fine because he should be a match? Are you willing to risk your childs life like that? Sure, maybe this will never, ever happen but as a parent, it's YOUR responsibility to prepare for those "you never know" situations.

 

What about when the baby grows up? He/she will think he/she has had a cohesive family unit this entire time; are you ever going to tell him/her who the real father is? Here's another story. I have an Uncle who was under the impression that his son was his for his entire life; his ex-wife never told him differently. Guess what? She never told her son either. 28 years later, some things don't start adding up, both my Uncle & his son do some investigating and it comes out that some other guy is the father. My cousin hasn't spoken to his Mom since. 12 years. Are you willing to have your child hate you? Willing to deceive an innocent to save your ass?

 

Being a parent means being unselfish, often times putting the needs, wants, desires, etc of that child ahead of your own. Think long & hard before you continue down this road of destruction because trust me...one day..whether it be sooner or way down the line, the truth WILL come out and YOU will be the one paying the price.

[alexandria35]

Something to think about.. Since exMM knows you're pregnant too, someone else other than you knows the truth. If exMM wanted to (be sure who the father is) he could hire a PI and find out you were with someone else, especially if he plans on telling his wife the truth too. They could very well together hire a PI to follow you, dig into your life... Not a nice way for your exfiancee to find out the truth that he isn't the father of your baby.

 

THINK this through!!

 

 

 

I thought that was another poster, who is also pregnant and has a thread going on in this section. Unless I've missed something, as far as I know, this poster J isn't BP or have any mental illness.. She already has a child, where as the other poster K doesn't.

 

Yes there is another thread by another poster who is pregnant and has BPD. Jaloka has a post in that thread stating that she also has BPD, takes meds and goes to therapy. Her post is on page 5 of that thread.

[nofool4u]

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

 

- Marshall Rosenberg

 

now turn around and look in the mirror and tell me how perfect you are. yeah exactly. i thought so...

 

 

Gee, nice quote. Now how does that in any way negate you being completely despicable with the act of making another man think someone elses child is his?

[nofool4u]

Ohhh, so it's like a revenge kind of thing. Yikes!

 

Yup, and she is going to use her child as a pawn.

 

Only an unfit parent would use their child in this manner, or in any manner to gain leverage for what they want.

[Owl]

There are so many ways that xF could find out the truth about the paternity...blood type mismatch, etc...

 

I only pray that he does indeed learn the truth, one way or another.

 

He should be given the CHOICE to raise this child with full knowledge of paternity...or not.

 

Personally, I'm pretty nauseated at the thought that doing something like this is in anyway acceptable to someone.

 

I think my belief in the net value of mankind just dropped a little more.

[frozensprouts]

There are so many ways that xF could find out the truth about the paternity...blood type mismatch, etc...

 

I only pray that he does indeed learn the truth, one way or another.

 

He should be given the CHOICE to raise this child with full knowledge of paternity...or not.

 

Personally, I'm pretty nauseated at the thought that doing something like this is in anyway acceptable to someone.

 

I think my belief in the net value of mankind just dropped a little more.

 

 

look at it this way...

look at how many people are saying it's a terrible idea, and a very cruel one at that...

i'm glad so many people can see that

[donnamaybe]

look at it this way...

look at how many people are saying it's a terrible idea, and a very cruel one at that...

i'm glad so many people can see that

Unfortunately, the only one who matters doesn't seem to care.

[jaloka]

Wow this has been a busy thread and I appreciate everyone's responses. I am in no way offended as we are all entitled to our opinions. Plus I think if you all were happy in your Rs you wouldn't be wasting your time here. Just an opinion.

 

An update:

 

First of all I am bipolar, the lesser of the two kinds and fully functional. No attempts on my life, just lows and highs. Took 15 yrs to diagnose.

 

Told xfiance that the baby is not his. I told him that I went to a sperm bank and he wasn't surprised. Have a good friend that works there plus I am 40's and he understood my urgency to have a child. He apologized about changing his mind. He jnew that it was a deal breaker for me but he couldn't bear the thought of losing me.

 

So it's not exactly the whole truth but I cannot expose MM.

 

Anyway, I gave him a choice to be part of the baby's life. He's thinking about it. Either way I am raising the child.

[donnamaybe]

Wow this has been a busy thread and I appreciate everyone's responses. I am in no way offended as we are all entitled to our opinions. Plus I think if you all were happy in your Rs you wouldn't be wasting your time here. Just an opinion.

 

An update:

 

First of all I am bipolar, the lesser of the two kinds and fully functional. No attempts on my life, just lows and highs. Took 15 yrs to diagnose.

 

Told xfiance that the baby is not his. I told him that I went to a sperm bank and he wasn't surprised. Have a good friend that works there plus I am 40's and he understood my urgency to have a child. He apologized about changing his mind. He jnew that it was a deal breaker for me but he couldn't bear the thought of losing me.

 

So it's not exactly the whole truth but I cannot expose MM.

 

Anyway, I gave him a choice to be part of the baby's life. He's thinking about it. Either way I am raising the child.

Ha! Nice little sideswipe about other people's R's and very reminiscent of a previously banned poster.

 

I have to say, though, that if you must lie you came up with what is probably the least egregious method of hiding some truths while telling the important truths that needed to be known, at least IMO.