ex getting married

[susanl]

So what do you do and how do you feel when your ex gets married. Now don't get me wrong I have no feelings for him anymore but it has only been 10 months since the divorce and he got married yesterday. I have two children--wonderful kids 19/17 that participated in the wedding but were not happy with it. I have a wonderful person that I am dating and love to no end, but last night( night of the marriage), I had all these feelings because my kids resent him getting married, they are going on vacation with them in a week, and I am not free to get married or move because I have custody of the kids and wouldn't move the senior out of our school district.

 

I am in such a funk and in the dumps today I wish I could just dig a hole and hop in it and be by myself and figure out everything. And remember the ex has nothing to do with it as far as feelings go I don't like him at all and I am very happy in the relationship that I am in--actually happier than I have ever been but I wonder if anyone else has had these emotions when there ex got married or am I just being stupid. The biggest thing is my kids and how today it was just like yesterday with their dad never happend--they seem to have forgotten it totally but????

 

Any help, suggestions, ideas or anything would be greatly appreciated.

[shamen]

Hi Susanl: I know that my situation doesn't totally compare with yours as you married your ex, but I was proposed to by my ex of several years. I broke up with him and 10 days later he met his now wife. They were married less than a year later and starting having kids about 9 months later. Ugh! I was the one who broke up with him and I was still pi**ed off by it.

 

Anyway, I definitely too felt weird about this when it happened. I think maybe you just sort of need to recognize that a past part of your life is totally gone. It's a lot different when they have a SO than when they are remarried/married. It's like, "How could you take this vow with someone else when you took it with me before?" The supposed permanence of it all and the non permance of it in reality. How it could just not work out, even if you're happy where you are now, when it's supposed to be permanent?

 

I hope this is making sense; it's my philosophy, obviously. The reason you're sad, IMO, is all of the stuff that goes along with being married that I mentioned previously. You're still unable to remarry and move because of the children, so you feel a lot more stuck in the marriage even if you're not in it. You're the one with the custody of the children and the constant reminders as I'm betting that you have the house.

 

Believe me, your children have NOT forgotten the wedding. I am a child of marriage and divorce and at the age of 35, I still am very much aware of the fact that my father remarried 16 years ago. I wasn't happy about it, nor do I think I ever will be. Your children are probably just not talking about this with you as they don't want you to feel bad about it, so they just don't bring it up. Give 'em time, and yourself as well, to mourn the loss of the familial unit.

[brashgal]

I think your kids are just trying to move past it, they know he got married, they'd rather not think about it.

 

Even though you have no feelings for him you can't help but wonder how he could have moved on so easily and I think you are still resentful of how he seems footloose and fancy free and you are having to be the responsible one. Remember, you have the love and respect of your kids still. Just be thankful you are not still stuck with him.