renewed contact after cold shoulder/drama/awkwardness?

[flintweedmac]

Hi! I could use some input. Or thoughts on a situation. Especially from girls!

Ok, here are the facts.

 

-guy from my friendcircle ( but not innercircle) meets girl. Have a 6 month on/off relationship. Girl tends to be flirty with me, but in a fun way. I keep my distance.

 

- Girl breaks off relationship due to excessive lying/paranoia from friend. We start hanging out at her appartment every night after work. No sex. Some close calls, though. I try to avoid the rebound guy thingie. Lots of flirting and getting to know eachother though. Fun. But I can feel she's heartbroken and I just try and be a good friend/ fun guy...

 

- This continues for a good month and a half. Goodmorning texts from her when she wakes up, general interest in my day, when i go out without her she knows where i am because her friends text her i'm "there and there". Constantly takes pics of me / me and her kid and shows them to her girlfriends. Wants me to meet them, too. Buys me gifts. Very touchy. Makes me food. Dresses up. Writes lil' letters and hides them in my bags. Nicknames. Invites me over every evening. Has a picture of me as her wallpaper on her phone. So yeah, i'm starting to think there's a possibility.

 

- Then, a huge cold shoulder. HUGE cold shoulder. No texts, no phones, closed doors when I ring the bell, etc... This continues for a good week. Coincidentally, I meet her at a bar some evening. I confess to her I miss her, and I kinda was starting to grow fond of her. She says she's not ready for a relationship, blabla, general awkwardness, I leave the place. No contact for the next two weeks. Friend of hers tells me she's still processing the break up.

 

-After two weeks, huge text fight. Turns out the ex had been constantly feeding her lies about me. Nasty stuff. Made me look like I was trying to break them up when they were still together. Made me look creepy, manipulating, etc, etc... whilst being nice ('it's cool bro') in my face... So I had no clue! He did that for weeks and weeks. Girl tells me she didn't know whom to believe. her friends suggested she should move on and drop the both of us - which she did. Hence the cold shoulder.

 

- Girl breaks with friend circle and ex completely, starts hanging out at a bar - her best friend works there. Starts hanging out with the regular bar folks over there (all dudes, unfortunately). This Friday, I walk into that bar.

We start talking again. She tells me she believes me, asks me to quit hanging out with that friend circle. Fun evening, dancing, laughter... No one on one moments with them dudes swarming around her, though. Asks me to join her and those dudes to a party on Sunday evening. I tell her I can't do that, due to early shifts. Asks me again to join her and the dudes on Monday, but again, early shift. We start to text again, rather factual - 'safe' ('did you have fun'), albeit really not as personal as before the cold shoulder - and a lot less. I find myself being the one who initiates contact these last days.

 

So girls (and guys, I guess) - what would you make of this? Is this worth pursuing, in your opinion? I really have no clue where I stand, and it kinda blows. Oh, and thanks for reading if you got this far without getting in a coma, lol.

[RickFox]

I say back off of her, let her pursue you, I wouldn't waste more of my time with her if you're looking for something serious. My problem is, she didn't come to you and ask you about what she was being told and then cut you out.... that pisses me off.

[NoMagicBullet]

You didn't say what your response was to her asking you to quit the old friendcircle. Is this something you'd be willing to do to date her? Sounds like it would be a prerequisite for her. She might still be interested, and her invitation for you to join her and her new friends may be her trying to get you to leave the old ones behind -- and let's face it, from what happened, they don't sound like the best of people to hang around, if one guy can tell her lies about you and none of the others stick up for you.

 

I'd say throw out an invitation for you and her to do something together without the "dudes" or any other friends -- like lunch or dinner -- where you two can talk about what's gone on in the past and if she would be interested in dating you in the future. If she accepts both the invitation and is open to dating you, great. If it's a "no" to dating or a "no" to your invitation for a one-on-one, face-to-face meeting, then leave it and move on -- but at least you can say you tried.

[lostboy11]

I don't think this chick knows what she wants. She would like the benefit of having you in her life, but sounds like she just wants to have fun with "dudes" apparently. Typical post breakup scenario in which she is constantly looking for an ego-boost and approval from the opposite sex. That's a tough spot to be in for you since while you may be great, it's possible that she would not be satisfied with any one guy's affections right now. Still, you COULD be that guy so if you're willing to put your feelings out there and risk the possibility of getting majorly stomped on, go for it. It might just pay off.

[flintweedmac]

Hi guys! Thanks a lot for the replies. Yeah... left that friendcircle behind.

 

Well, tried the 'one on one' thing. Asked her 2 days ago if she wanted to go and have a drink somewhere cosy. She was very enthousiastic, tells me she'll text me the next day when she's ready, we send some lighthearted jokes over and forth like before. Next day; nothing. So I send her a text asking if she's still up for it... no reply. Return from work, turn on facebook, and hey, I see how she's posting 'live' pics of her and one of those guys from the bar - making dinner, on the couch with wine, etc...

 

Today she sends me some lame excuse about how she forgot her phone in the kitchen and wasn't able to call our gettogether off (weird, because she uploaded those pictures with that very phone, lol) and how this guy suddenly showed up. I reply (politely) telling her I get the 'hint' and I won't be bothering her again.

 

She replies telling me she has no idea what i'm talking about, so I call her out on her behaviour and I receive a 'wtf is this crazy ****' text... Heh.

 

Anyway, deleted her from my phone and from FB.

 

Urgh.