Renewed love

[vin_c_boy]

My ex girlfriend and I separated 35 years ago. She is married and has kids. I am married and have kids. She now lives overseas (long distance) and just recently, I found her address, and e-mail address. We have been messaging each other daily, and we speak on the phone for 3 hours at a time. I realise that I am still very much in love with her and that she is my most loved girlfriend. She also realises that I am the first and only man that she ever loved. We are very similar in likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies, and we are compatible in almost every way. We are so happy when we chat with each other. She says that she loves me more than her husband. I love her more than my wife. Our spouses love us. This makes my ex and I, very confused and frustrated. Should we carry on with our love on the phone? I wish that I could hear some comments from readers.

[darkmoon]

why not leave home anyway?

[pettie]

Wow, such a complicated situation!

 

I only dare to leave a comment here just because I can only give you the point of view of a daughter from a 25-year, now divorced, marriage.

 

I remember resenting my parents for getting divorced, when I was little. I was about 11 years old when that happened. I have 2 older sisters (10 and 8 years older than me), who probably felt the shock even stronger than I did. My dad left home, but he still lived in the same city and was always close to us. He is friends with my mum. At the beginning, I remember it wasn't easy for them, but in the long run, things got calmed down, with ups and downs, surely. I also remember promising myself that I would never do that to my children. It is not easy to come back home from school knowing your dad won't be there anymore, and he is just a casual visit in your own house every other day.

 

Anyway, now that I am older, I reckon that sometimes a marriage just doesn't work and divorce ends up making things better for all the family in general. Also, it's probably unfair for a partner to believe he/she is loved as a *spouse*, when reality says otherwise. I am truly against adultery.

 

I am still young and I haven't been married - I certainly hope to be, someday; but seeing my parents marriage fail certainly created some insecurities in this regard, even when I know not everyone has the same fate. So, I'm not sure I could give you the best advice. Just a couple of things I would suggest would be, that may seem obvious, but still:

 

- Are you sure this is not just infatuation over someone *new* in your life?

- I don't know about your situation at home, less hers, but, do you really think it is worth it to *leave* home because of this? If your children are older (25+), perhaps that would make things easier.

- Have you tried counseling? to save your marriage?

 

Remember, you and your ex broke up for a reason and then each of you *married* somebody else.

 

Even if it's LD, your wife might find out about it, being by noticing you being more secretive with your phone, or spending more time than usual online.

 

All the best.