Bradly Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) The 180 and NC is confusing her. I think it's working I'm newly separated now for a month and a half. You can read my story by looking at my first post in "Coping" long story. Same ILYBNILWY. But I should have posted here first. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/314756-hi-newbie-here-just-separated It's been really tough, I just found this site only a week ago and learned a lot about the 180 and NC. I started implementing them right away. Wow, NC is SO hard to do, because i want to know what shes doing every second.. I have to do a limited verson of NC because there are children involved. I make her contact me first now. The first couple of days it really didn't phase her. We have been texting everyday. It used to be me always first every morning... "Hope you have a nice day, blabla.." we are being civil at the moment. Today I didn't text her again all day. She calls me tonight and asked how I'm doing, (the last time she called me I was all sad and dopey) I answered the phone in a happy tone. I think she was expecting me to be mad or sad. I acted like a I was busy and doing fine. She said "how are you" I said "I'm doing pretty good today" and she was like "oh?" then I started right into what I was doing at work and talked about what the kids were doing. She tells me about her day and then says "sorry I got to go" and we hang up. Well, about 10 mins later she calls back (at this point I am so exhausted from "acting happy") I let it go to voicemail. She says sorry she ended the previous call so quickly... Then continues to say "umm... It was a nice talk earlier.. I don't expect you to be sad and down all the time, but you did sound good and peppy today... So, that's good to hear. I have my good and bad days too, hope you have a good night" I think I'm making progress, was I too happy? Should I tone it down? I don't want her to think I found someone else or something... Also she is coming to visit me and the boys next week and I have NO idea how to approach her on so many levels... Where to sleep? IYKWIM Edited February 23, 2012 by Bradly Link to post Share on other sites
robbie23rd Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Im in same sort of situation, I have a toned down NC and let her text me first as we also have children, she has contacted me everyday broke up about a month ago, this week she asked to come over, we slept together, saw each other yesterday, there was no pressure from me at all. Today I got a text saying she is happy being single and doesn't want things to get back the way we were?? So confused right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) That's not what LC/NC is for Bradly. It is for you; not a tool to manipulate or play her into returning to you and the marriage. At best, she's mildly curious about your change in behavior, but know women who are in love with men don't move 1400-miles away from them. She knows you and isn't easily fooled. Impossible to say what she's doing, but most women will move heaven and earth to get the man they want, and put up with an extraordinary amount of of BS to keep them. You aren't that. At least right now. We all must do what we think is best, but my advice would be to simply tell her that you DEMAND contact and information about the children (in fact, I know of some lawyers who would consider charging her with kidnapping. I'm not kidding; taking children away from a parent and moving out of state is a BIG no-no) but have no interest in her personal life and dealings. And while you may not mean it now, when the reality of what this woman has done to you sinks in, you will. That said, you have bigger problems than her romantic interests. Get your children back and stop allowing her to call all the shots. You want to know how she really feels? Start demanding fairness and equality in all areas and witness her reaction. My prediction is; your eyes will be opened. Edited February 23, 2012 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bradly Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 That's not what LC/NC is for Bradly. It is for you; not a tool to manipulate or play her into returning to you and the marriage. At best, she's mildly curious about your change in behavior, but know women who are in love with men don't move 1400-miles away from them. She knows you and isn't easily fooled. Impossible to say what she's doing, but most women will move heaven and earth to get the man they want, and put up with an extraordinary amount of of BS to keep them. You aren't that. At least right now. We all must do what we think is best, but my advice would be to simply tell her that you DEMAND contact and information about the children (in fact, I know of some lawyers who would consider charging her with kidnapping. I'm not kidding; taking children away from a parent and moving out of state is a BIG no-no) but have no interest in her personal life and dealings. And while you may not mean it now, when the reality of what this woman has done to you sinks in, you will. That said, you have bigger problems than her romantic interests. Get your children back and stop allowing her to call all the shots. You want to know how she really feels? Start demanding fairness and equality in all areas and witness her reaction. My prediction is; your eyes will be opened. thanks for the reply, I have the kids and her father is staying with me to help out when I'm at work. Your right I shouldn't use LC to manipulate her. I believe her new love is starting her career right now. I have a good job but it's not a secure one. we agreed it was the right thing to do for security right now. But when you add the "Im not in love with you" factor it's complicated and difficult on me. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 thanks for the reply, I have the kids and her father is staying with me to help out when I'm at work. Your right I shouldn't use LC to manipulate her. I believe her new love is starting her career right now. I have a good job but it's not a secure one. we agreed it was the right thing to do for security right now. But when you add the "Im not in love with you" factor it's complicated and difficult on me. She's cheating sure as the sun will rise tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
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