For The Men

[Crusoe]

I think it was a pretty innocent question, but it did display some unfair suspicions, I thought.

 

Did it? I'm not so sure.

 

I've yet to meet a man that hasn't received an emotional outburst from a woman that left him wondering if he just stepped through the looking glass.

 

I doubt there is a man alive that hasn't experienced a "where the hell did that come from?" moment, as if he just witnessed a magician pull a pineapple from their ar*e.

 

I've yet to meet a women who isn't capable of that "pineapple" moment. All I'm concerned about is how big a pineapple and how often it appears.

 

I'll go sit in the doghouse for a while now.

Edited February 24, 2012 by Crusoe

[EgoJoe]

I just said prone to. I tried to make a better example. I'm glad you're being objective and I can see it.

 

I also can't even talk about certain subjects with my Mother due to PTSD 'cus my Father is/was a tard.

 

I've seen men justify lies. I thought I made that kind of clear though I've observed much different rationale on a whole. What I have never seen is a Man blame someone else for telling them a lie.

 

That does not mean it has not happened but I have seen the opposite sex do it several times. So my "sample" is higher.

 

If I thought your opinion and all Women were/was/are unstable (at all times) and biased I would not have responded to your first post, admitted my own prejudice or attempted to validate your concerns by defending them.

 

Context is crucial here.

[worldgonewrong]

Did it? I'm not so sure.

 

I've yet to meet a man that hasn't received an emotional outburst from a woman that left him wondering if he just stepped through the looking glass.

 

I doubt there is a man alive that hasn't experienced a "where the hell did that come from?" moment, as if he just witnessed a magician pull a pineapple from their ar*e.

 

I've yet to meet a women who isn't capable of that "pineapple" moment. All I'm concerned about is how big a pineapple and how often it appears.

 

I'll go sit in the doghouse for a while now.

 

The imagery here, everything, just totally cracked me up!! well done!

:lmao:

[maybealone]

We're supposed to take hints and figure out language that has a double meaning? I mean...this is one of those nasty double standards.

 

It's not a double standard, it's a men are from Mars women are from Venus thing. Honestly, I wish all men and woman would learn a little something about their differences. I pride myself on knowing how to communicate with men such as never (well, okay, rarely) saying "nothing is wrong" when something is, but I don't think I ever really felt like any man has tried to "meet me halfway" in trying to understand how the mind of a woman typically works.

 

Another is that if she's mad she can say anything and it's 'cus she's mad but if I say something out of anger it's because I'm an idiot or a jerk?

 

That's her double standard though, because you probably aren't thinking "Oh, that's okay for her to talk like that because she's mad." No, you're probably thinking "Oh my god, where did this b*tch come from?" or something like that. The only difference is that she isn't keeping her "idiot" or "jerk" thoughts to herself like you are.

 

Okay, now I am going to risk sounding like a b*tch. If, as you say, this is learned beliefs based on the women you have been with, you probably need to do some reflecting to see why you attract/are attracted to these women. There are some really amazing women out there who adore men because of how their brains work, not in spite of it. And you should probably start looking for one of them.

 

Did it? I'm not so sure.

 

I've yet to meet a man that hasn't received an emotional outburst from a woman that left him wondering if he just stepped through the looking glass.

 

I doubt there is a man alive that hasn't experienced a "where the hell did that come from?" moment, as if he just witnessed a magician pull a pineapple from their ar*e.

 

I've yet to meet a women who isn't capable of that "pineapple" moment. All I'm concerned about is how big a pineapple and how often it appears.

 

I'll go sit in the doghouse for a while now.

 

That is great imagery! The only thing is if it were a magician pulling out a pineapple, a man would probably want to know how he did it. But if it's a woman with an emotional outburst, that same man would likely want to just run and hide.

Edited February 24, 2012 by maybealone

[worldgonewrong]

That is great imagery! The only thing is if it were a magician pulling out a pineapple, a man would probably want to know how he did it. But if it's a woman with an emotional outburst, that same man would likely want to just run and hide.

 

Yeah, the other difference is, when you attend a magic show,

the magician isn't berating you for all your shortcomings past, present & future.

[analystfromhell]

The differences which cause issues in a marriage or a relationship are not inherent to "man v woman" as I'd hesitate to suggest there are any differences which apply to everyone. Within an individual marriage however one partner may very well be more emotionally connected than the other. In my first marriage it was my wife, in my current marriage it's me. So developing the ability to recognize and deal with this difference is what's important. Stating your needs and expectations clearly and directly benefits everyone- emotionally aware and those not so. Leaving your thoughts unspoken or expressing them rudely can lead to no good. Understanding what you need and want is the more difficult issue and we all benefit from spending time understanding ourselves.

 

Enough platitudes:)

[coopster]

From the OP`s original question...lesbian marriages must be a complete nightmare!!

 

Not one pineapple but two... going off at any stage! What if they went off together? Doesn`t bear thinking about

[Crusoe]

The only thing is if it were a magician pulling out a pineapple, a man would probably want to know how he did it. But if it's a woman with an emotional outburst, that same man would likely want to just run and hide.

 

It depends. Me, I don't mind a bit of pineapple, I'll even listen to how it was grown while I have a nibble, but I don't want it every day. Pineapple incontinence is never a pretty sight.

 

Then there is pineapple constipation, that's a dangerous one, comes out the size of a watermelon, is accompanied by a high pitched shriek and gets thrown at your head when you least expect it. That's the time to run and hide.

[2.50 a gallon]

EJ

 

A good example would be a friend that I have known since my college days. I was best man at their wedding, so I know them both quite well.

 

He was a very successful engineer by trade who was in the chinks. He still likes to brag how he and his wife were able to take many trips overseas. To Europe, Hawaii, the Bahamas, etc.

 

On about their 30th anniversary on a trip to a resort south of the border he got this idea in his head that they could retire there and with their moneys and the value of the American dollar live out their years living like kings. Without asking her he bought a place down there

 

That is also about the time that the first OM showed up and she gave him the "I Love You, But I An Not In Love With You" speech and moved out. He was totally stunned, and wondering why would the mother of his kids just up an leave so quickly. Try as he might there was no reconciling and within a year the divorce was final

 

Five years later he still will tell you about all the trips that they took.

 

What he doesn't say is that he was heavily into deep sea fishing and golf, which was not her thing. So while he was having the time of his life, she would do some shopping, and local sight seeing. He was too busy to accompany her. The rest of her time she spent working jig-saw and crossword puzzles.

 

She was also into dancing, and oh so badly wanted to go out dancing with her husband in the romantic settings. He never learned to dance.

 

She got half of what they had and now happily lives in a condo with her new husband. Who just so happens likes to dance and do jig saw puzzles with her.

[coopster]

It depends. Me, I don't mind a bit of pineapple, I'll even listen to how it was grown while I have a nibble, but I don't want it every day. Pineapple incontinence is never a pretty sight.

 

Then there is pineapple constipation, that's a dangerous one, comes out the size of a watermelon, is accompanied by a high pitched shriek and gets thrown at your head when you least expect it. That's the time to run and hide.

 

 

Lmao !!!!!! thank you 1st time i`ve laughed in ages. Dont think i`ll be able to look at a pinapple in the same way ever again !!

[EgoJoe]

It's not a double standard, it's a men are from Mars women are from Venus thing. Honestly, I wish all men and woman would learn a little something about their differences. I pride myself on knowing how to communicate with men such as never (well, okay, rarely) saying "nothing is wrong" when something is, but I don't think I ever really felt like any man has tried to "meet me halfway" in trying to understand how the mind of a woman typically works.

 

 

 

That's her double standard though, because you probably aren't thinking "Oh, that's okay for her to talk like that because she's mad." No, you're probably thinking "Oh my god, where did this b*tch come from?" or something like that. The only difference is that she isn't keeping her "idiot" or "jerk" thoughts to herself like you are.

 

Okay, now I am going to risk sounding like a b*tch. If, as you say, this is learned beliefs based on the women you have been with, you probably need to do some reflecting to see why you attract/are attracted to these women. There are some really amazing women out there who adore men because of how their brains work, not in spite of it. And you should probably start looking for one of them.

 

I'm not "attracted" to these Women because until the end of my LTR I never experienced it first hand and there was ZERO indicators until then. I've sinced began to notice certain things in my platonic relationships or witness things in the relationships of my friends.

 

I directly relate to the "OMG where did this bitch come from?" because it was that much of a surprise. I don't like the Men are from Mars women from Venus analogy because if that was the case, Earth would be empty. I think that there are a great deal of double standards on both sides and I am uncomfortable with them.

 

I've made forays here and there into dating but I am not ready although I've started talking to new Women. I fear that my time on LS while it has increased my ability to communicate and more has made be a fair bit bitter and wary. The other side of this is that you learn to spot red flags and they appear to be everywhere.

 

It sucks that you've never had a man try to meet you halfway. I've tried to meet Women halfway and it looks, feels and appears to be, "Ok I've given an inch and there she goes with my mile." and you have to back way off and say to yourself, "I can't deal with this." because that is what a Man is supposed to do, walk away from this crap. Turning the other cheek time and time again has set my own Ego on fire. I'm not a doormat or a pushover type of guy either. I frame my arguments well and stick to the facts without trying to take personal pot shots.

 

 

As far as your comment about it being HER double standard. It appears to be a very popular double standard among Women. One that my Mother and Sister who for the most part are well put together Women engage in and agree upon. You should have seen the triple team when I was going through a rough patch with my Ex. Meanwhile, I was trying to do the right thing even if that meant breaking up. I've since been blamed for everything and mocked as if I didn't "know better" when I had suspicions the whole time. To which I had to say, I'm done. I stopped talking to my Mother about emotional issues. I stopped trying to level with my Sister and recently I let my Ego out to play. While not proud of the latter I had to. I'd rather just be sad, jaded and depressed than feel sleighted.

 

To 2.50 a Gallon: Thank you, that was sort of what I was thinking but I believe that your example could not have put it any better and it allows for a certain amount of Theory in my head. I know that relationships and people have to grow together rather than a part and your example really drives that home.

[2.50 a gallon]

ecojoe

 

Right after my seperation from my Ex I was befriended by a some of the female office workers where I worked. Being short and skinny they worried that I was losing too much weight and began a campaign to share their oversize lunches with me to make sure that I was at least getting one good meal a day.

 

It did not take long before a friendship began to develop, and not long after that they began to ask me why their husband do this of that. It came as a shock to me that over half of them were totally unhappy in their marriages. Their chief complaint that their husbands after the birth of their children, began complaining about the amount of time that she was spending with their babys, of which they got little help after the first couple of weeks. With the passage of time they were accused of no longer being in love with their husbands. And now felt that they were being totally taken for granted. They saw marriage as a sharing of their lives. While the husbands saw that they were the bread winner, the man of the house, and the wives were the moms.

 

One of the ladies was into raising orchids, and had won several awards on not only the local but the national scene. Never once had her husband ever attended a orchid show with her. It would take away from his weekend golfing

 

Another of the ladies was into tropical fish. With out any formal training she somehow had a green thumb when it came to tropical fish. She had some how got involved with this one species of small fish, that were in danger of going extinct. Even the experts, while they were able to keep them alive were having problems getting to spawn. Towards that end she was having great success, and was then in correspondance with learned experts from as far away as Europe, who were wanting to experiement with her successes. Her husband had no interest in his wifes successes and made fun of her hobby as raising guppys. He was too busy spending great wads of cash on his race car.

 

Then there was the third one, they had married right after graduating college, five years earlier. Their first priority had been to first get themselves financially secure before starting a family. Having reached that goal, she thought it would be ideal if she could conceive on their upcoming fifth wedding anniversary. Three days before their anniversary her husband announced that he would be away for that weekend, as he wanted to go to Reno to watch a poker tournament.

 

And as for my college friend, the first OM was their first grandson. A present from their daughter who lived just a few miles away from them. My friend wanted his wife to pull up roots and resettle in a foreign country a thousand miles away so that he could spend the rest of his life fishing and golfing, she could always fly back a couple of times a year to see the baby.

 

He like the above husbands still don't get it why their wives left.

[fucpcg]

Well 2.50, you have some real humbling and grounding stories. I am not sure if they make me feel better, or worse. You are showing me that something I always suspected is true, I don't believe there are a lot of truly good men out there. I thought I was a good guy, till my ex ripped that to shreds for me. Hearing those stories, I am getting some confidence back. It's too bad those guys didn't know what they had in their marriages. For me and my ex (a woman who I proposed to, but everything collapsed just after), I never missed a single night or weekend from her and her three children, because of pursing my hobbies. Instead, I only participated in hobbies that we all shared together as a family. Unfortunately, that didn't earn me any credit I guess.

 

Maybe sometimes it just isn't about what you get right, or what you get wrong. Maybe it does truly have to do with emotional maturity of the person you are partnered with, and your failure to partner with a good match. What I suffer from, is that yes I was warned my ex was not the most emotionally stable woman on the planet (far from it), but regardless, she is the woman that I love. So now I'm stuck. I think maybe the bigger question is, are you with someone who will stick it out? I have fought tooth and nail for our relationship, when she screwed up and when I screwed up. In return, I can't even get her to share a sentence with me in the past year. Men and women can as equally have emotional issues, but are you willing to be understanding and work past it, maybe that is the ultimate question??

 

I saw a documentary with a couple, the husband was dying from Lou Gehrig's Disease, the wife made a quote I will never forget.

 

"I was married to my husband for 38 years, and 34 of those years were the best years of my life"

[2.50 a gallon]

fucpcg

 

I do not mean to infer that it is always the man's shortcomings that is the cause of a relationship falling apart. I too am divorced and in truth there wasn't much I could have done to change the outcome from the day we married. I too made mistakes, with the biggest one, agreeing to marry her.

 

When it began to fall apart, I too tried to fix the unfixable.

 

The odd thing is, that when I gave up and decided to move on in life, she then not wanting to lose me to another woman, tried to get us reconcile.

[EgoJoe]

I really appreciate the perspectives given in this thread and would like to hear more.

[worldgonewrong]

I saw a documentary with a couple, the husband was dying from Lou Gehrig's Disease, the wife made a quote I will never forget.

 

"I was married to my husband for 38 years, and 34 of those years were the best years of my life"

 

"The other 4 years, pineapples started to steadily pop out of his backside, on the hour, every hour. I never realized that was a symptom of Lou Gehrig's Disease."

[LZ2000]

I will post soon, one of my insights about my previous relationships.