from unihibited to inhibited

[dd]

about 2 1/2 years ago i started going out with this guy. for about the first two months we had great sex! then i realized that we never made love unless he had first consumed about a six pack of beer.

 

so i started bugging him about not drinking every night. this took him awhile but he did finally quit drinking so much every night, maybe a quart or so. then the love making also stopped.

 

i found myself going to bed alone every night as he stayed up watching t.v. he is a night owl and i am not. well it has pretty much stayed that for all this time.

 

i got a t.v. for the bedroom so at least he comes to bed now and we watch t.v. together until i fall asleep, he is still a night owl and i am okay with that.

 

the problem is that it seems that he only wants to make love when we go out and he has a few beers. he can do a quickie in the middle of the afternoon, but it just seems that his interest isn't there like it was when he was drinking every night.

 

i sort of have a problem too, i am going through premenopause and alot of times i just have no desire either. but i have an excuse, what could be his?

 

he is a good love when he wants to get into it, but has no stamia what so ever. i am going to buy that cream that helps to sustain, and he has agreed. but that wont increase his desire or his inhibitions, only prolong the act in itself.

 

it's funny cause at times i feel more like were sister and brother then a couple. i want to have a sex life again, i'm still young, but i don't want it only when he has a drink or three.

[Tony T]

He obviously has some inhibitions that are taken away with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and should not stimulate the sex drive, just diminish inhibitions.

 

It may just be his biological make-up. I think both of you need to see a physician and explain the matter thoroughly and see if there is some underlying medical problem. However, since sex is mostly in the head, that is most likely where his problem is.

 

Until you get competent professional help for this matter, probably nothing short of that will help.

 

This is a sexual matter and a drinking problem and both are very complex to treat.

[Deejette]

Many times this will happen in marriage. People get used to each other and the bloom fades off the rose. He knows you are a sure thing and he doesn't have to try please you now. That spark that ignited when you were first going out is ashes now.

 

He sounds depressed, needing to lose himself in booze and TV to dull the pain of his disappointments with himself and escape from his life. But what can you do about this? He has to be the one to seek help for his problems.

 

I would still talk to him about how unhappy you have been feeling about your sex life lately. Maybe you can make a sex date with him and set the mood with what you know he likes. You have to take an active role in bringing him back to you, not just be resigned to the fact that he stays up late with the TV while you are alone in bed.

 

Then, if you see no response after all your efforts to be loving and attractive to him over time, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. This situation is not one that will make you feel loved, needed, and wanted. It can wear away at your pride and self-image. It will not get better all by itself. If he it is this way now, what will it be 10 years from now?

 

He obviously has some inhibitions that are taken away with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and should not stimulate the sex drive, just diminish inhibitions. It may just be his biological make-up. I think both of you need to see a physician and explain the matter thoroughly and see if there is some underlying medical problem. However, since sex is mostly in the head, that is most likely where his problem is. Until you get competent professional help for this matter, probably nothing short of that will help. This is a sexual matter and a drinking problem and both are very complex to treat.