Why does there appear to be more OW than OM here?

[despicableME]

And any MOM who posts here gets beaten down very quickly. They aren't very popular.

 

I guess I should raise my hand now.

[East7]

I think the fact that men don't post/read too much on boards like LS doesn't mean that there are less OM then OW in the real life. I think it is more related to the fact that men and women cope with emotional pain very differently.

 

In the real life, I have seen around me, my best buddy included, A LOT of men involved with MW.

 

Most men rather than externalizing their feelings and search for comfort will grieve in silence and/or go crazy in outdoors activities, go drinking with friends and do whatever it takes to "clear their head".

 

I think women cope very differently. Most women are in search for an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Talking and expressing the feelings is a typical female coping mechanism . I don't want to generalize as I have also known women who suffer in silence and don't talk to anyone.

 

Just because OM don't talk, doesn't mean that their experience is very different from mots OW. A lot of OM genuinely fall in love with their MW and want to have a future with them. As consequence lots of them go through deep pain and grieve when the A ends or when they realize MW will never leave.

 

Some single OM start it as a seduction and sex game but then develop feelings for the MW.

 

The best "compartmentalizers" I have seen are the MM with MOW. MM are much more able to see it as plain cake-eating

 

Single OM often (not all) feel shame and discomfort to talk about their experience with MW. My buddy friend doesn't talk a lot about his experience with his MW, but he looks at his A like a big mistake. Men feel shame to admit they love(d) a woman who is someone else's wife and sleeps with her H. Myself, I see my A as some humiliation because I accepted things that I would never accept from a single woman.

 

I have also noticed that men feel more comfortable to share their emotional problems with female women rather than with their buddies.

Edited March 3, 2012 by East7
errors

[Tanoman]

why dont the single OM discuss the issues....well some back ground first.....their marriage is held together by the fact that the twin boys are now in their last year of school plus they have some buliding development going on which needs to be completed. Secondly they have been in sep bedrooms for 7 years now and dont do ANTHING together including social events or holidays or anything. In fact my MW had a bowel cancer scare 2 years before i met her & her hsuband made her get a taxi to the hospital and home again later......the marriage is way over......not to mention the fact that all evidence indicates that he is gay.........yes i know ppl think why dont they just split up. well everyone holds an opinion what is best for the kids....She thinks anyhome is better than 2 homes. I am not i feel in a position to sway her mind as its such a personal belief........I disagree with the choice but thats not for me to say

 

So thats some background........so why do i not discuss my relationship with a soul..no its not because I am a man and therefore cant discuss my emotionst.............i would LOVE to have someone in on my life with that knowledge........Bbut i told my best friend...a bad choice.........his father left the family when BF was 14 years old.......as soon as he heard what i was doing he obviously did not compute all the stuff that I outlined above. It just opened up raw emotions of what happened to him....I didnt realise it at the time but he pulled back in out friendship......then one day i received an email saying I was a HOMEWRECKER.....that I was an abysmal person etc etc etc.....& that i was never too contact him again............it suprised me & very much hurt me.....he totally blocked me so i never had the opportunity to remind him about the dynamics of the relationship. He is even starting to tell people what i am doing, still refuses to answer calls etc........so I am at my last option and am considering legal action on defamation

 

And that folks was one hell of a lesson learned....never again will i ever tell a soul............such a shame

[Emme]

Tanoman, that post was unreal. Both the inputs from you and East7 helps to see the other side of the coin. I just always pictured men as stone beings. Men do deal with things differently and because they do doesn't mean they are not in pain.

 

Tanoman, I am not sure about the defamation. If he is repeating what you told him then it's truth not lies. I would leave it be. Your friend is also hurting from his past and that just makes the situation worse. Consider letting things die down.

[Woggle]

Another reason men don't talk about this is that amongst many circles of men sleeping with another man's wife or girfriend is considered one of the worst sins you can committ.

 

I was watching some special on gangsters and even in the criminal world a man who does that to another man is considered scum.

[Tanoman]

Could not agree with you more woggle...have never done it & never will....I have very strong feelings about this sort of thing. However in my case he left the marriage many years ago.

 

Emme thanks for you input. Its very much appreciated. You are so right

 

thank you again

[HHC]

Why do I see more threads from OW posting, rather than OM. They seem to easily outnumber the OM topics.

 

I know plenty of men cheat as well...but it seems guys dont establish affairs with married folks as much as they do with single folks.

 

Am I incorrect?

Men don't need to talk about it like women do

[standtall]

Generalizations are dangerous. Some of us do, if not in a while.

 

 

Whatever, believe what you want. My key word was most, not all.

Edited March 6, 2012 by standtall

[bentnotbroken]

Another reason men don't talk about this is that amongst many circles of men sleeping with another man's wife or girfriend is considered one of the worst sins you can committ.

 

I was watching some special on gangsters and even in the criminal world a man who does that to another man is considered scum.

 

 

I wonder why women don't take that approach? There would be a lot less bragging going on if that were the case.

[Woggle]

I wonder why women don't take that approach? There would be a lot less bragging going on if that were the case.

 

I am generalizing but bedding a married woman does not do for the male ego what bedding a married man does for some women. Married women are easy as hell. Most women won't cheat but the ones that will will cheat with damn near anybody. There is no prestige in it plus loyalty is everything amongst men and sleeping with another man's woman is the ultimate betrayal.

[jennyjoseph713]

Who can forget the shocked reactions of poor Fee and Padraic Cleary, the parents of the central character, Meggie, in Colleen McCullough's novel, The Thorn Birds, upon finding lice in their little girl's hair? "'...filthy lot of flaming pigs! [said Padraic]...when I think of [her] giving her lice to Meggie, I could go into Wahine and tear the whole filthy greasy café down!' he exploded." As you can see, references to cleanliness being an issue in the spread of lice are not uncommon.For years now, the perception has been that lice is something that only happens to other (dirtier) people, but with 6-12 million cases of lice expected to strike U.S. schools this year, it is apparent that lice infestations will strike households of all levels of cleanliness; in fact, some researchers believe that lice actually prefer cleaner hair, because it makes it easier for them to attach to the hair shaft (an argument many children will try to use to their advantage when it comes to bath time).

[bentnotbroken]

I am generalizing but bedding a married woman does not do for the male ego what bedding a married man does for some women. Married women are easy as hell. Most women won't cheat but the ones that will will cheat with damn near anybody. There is no prestige in it plus loyalty is everything amongst men and sleeping with another man's woman is the ultimate betrayal.

 

 

Possibly. I do wonder about the aspect of loyalty among men. Mr. Messy knew the husband of the last woman he was with. Even had a friendly relationship with him. They weren't best buds or anything( I don't think he is capable of having a best friend...too much competition), but he knew the man. Now I am curious. I might have to do a little research on this one.

[Woggle]

Possibly. I do wonder about the aspect of loyalty among men. Mr. Messy knew the husband of the last woman he was with. Even had a friendly relationship with him. They weren't best buds or anything( I don't think he is capable of having a best friend...too much competition), but he knew the man. Now I am curious. I might have to do a little research on this one.

 

Not all men are loyal but for ones that are sleeping with another man's woman is a no no. Some men do it quietly but no man is going to brag about it to his friends.

[RickFox]

Not all men are loyal but for ones that are sleeping with another man's woman is a no no. Some men do it quietly but no man is going to brag about it to his friends.

 

 

Some of my friends and co workers knew...because I did brag....and I wasn't friends with xMW's H but we all hung out at least once or twice a week.....

[carhill]

Why do I see more threads from OW posting, rather than OM. They seem to easily outnumber the OM topics.

 

IMO, it's a reflection of the gender and relationship style demographics unique to LS. What I see as someone who peruses the site globally is that male posters fall into three main categories; dating issues, wives/girlfriends who've cheated, and sexless marriages. OM's and MM's are a relative minority.

 

I know plenty of men cheat as well...but it seems guys dont establish affairs with married folks as much as they do with single folks.

 

Am I incorrect?

Unclear, as we only have anecdotes to go on. IRL, my current data points (anecdotes over decades) have women admitting to infidelity at a far higher rate than men. That's likely because women tend to communicate more than men but I really have no way of knowing for sure.

 

Also, can you establish what an 'affair' is? Each person's description is different. As an example, in the past, some MW's who have had EA's with me never considered such an 'affair' because they didn't have sex, but totally betrayed their marriage in the process. Which perception rules? Over how long a period? With what intent? Everything isn't black and white.

 

Lastly, again IRL, most men I know are 'take the most pleasant path' kind of guys. A relatively combative relationship forum is not something they would waste their time with and some have told me that directly; the same with 'marriage counseling'. Does that approach a generality? Unknown. It's more anecdotes. So, if they're poking the secretary or lady down the street, they're going to be doing that and not coming on a place like LS to analyze the process or their 'feelings'. They do what they do. EOS.

[Black Jack]

Maybe because they haven't found this site???

 

But it doesn't really matter how many of them are here.