regarding time and space

[dazednconfuzed]

I'd like to tell you my story ...

 

Just a little background info. My ex was married for several years and one day, her ex handed her the wedding ring and walked out. Turns out her ex had cheated on her and is still with that person. Since then my ex has dated a number of people. She met a couple of bad seeds. Then she met me. My ex is also obsessive compulsive.

 

I met a girl and we dove head first into a romantic relationship. It lasted 1 1/2 months. She ended up becoming my first lover. I was crazy about her but, as time passed, she started going through some really stressful events in her life ... health problems, a suicide in her family, a career change, and more.

 

I felt for her and wanted to help her so badly, but we hadn't known each other very long and I don't think she felt comfortable opening up to me ... instead she started to withdraw. I understood she was going through a rough time, offered my help ... did everything in my power to hold her, yet give her the time she needed to deal with her problems.

 

One night, she called me at 11 p.m., said that she missed me and asked if she could come over. I said sure and when she got to my apartment we talked some and went to sleep. We didn't have sex ... I just held her because I understood that she just needed comforting. That was a Thursday.

 

Saturday I got a call from her telling me that she had almost brought her mom over to my pad to meet me ... but then decided that her mother wasn't ready to meet a new significant other. And btw, she herself wasn't ready for a new significant other.

 

That is how she broke up with me. I definitely didn't see it coming and it felt like I had just been sucker punched.

 

To make a long story short, she told me that her that with all the stress her life had gotten complicated and she just needed friends right now. Being that I was head over heels in love with this girl, I was hurt, but I told her that I understood ... that i was really sorry she was going through all of this stuff and that I would be there for her as a friend.

 

She would call me and text message me almost every day and at first I was fine ... being strong, being a friend to her. But soon our conversations seemed to change. She was always talking about a particular friend. How well she had hit it off with this person. How she felt she had to comfort this person (who has just been dumped) and I started to get annoyed.

 

Finally, I asked my ex what the deal was. Confronted her about liking this other person. Said that I could see that the other person was after her, etc. My ex denied it at first but then realized that I was right ... the other person did like her.

 

at this point, I had stopped calling my ex. I let her be the one to contact me. It seemed she was always hanging with her other friends, including this other person. Yet my ex still called me. It was hard for me to hide my jealously and I'm sure I came off as being pretty cold and clipped on the phone. One day I asked her why we were still friends ... we never see each other, I explained. And you have other friends you'd rather hang with, so what's the point?

 

She said it was too late for that and that she really cared about me a lot and wanted me in her life, blah blah blah.

 

I was appeased ... for the moment.

 

Then she forgot my B-DaY. And I realized that she probably didn't really care ... after all, I hadn't seen her in so long and even though she called, we only ever talked about her other friends. She called me on my birthday to chat ... not remembering it was my special day. I told her and she felt awful. That night she came over with a dozen roses and an apology. But after all she had put me through, constantly talking about this other person whom she was "just friends" with ... telling me that we were only dating 1 1/2 months and that in a month I'd be over her ... I was at the end of my rope. I basically told her it was too little, too late.

 

Before she left, we had some words. I told her she didn't care and she never had cared.

 

The night after, she called and we argued. She told me that she was the most caring person I would ever meet and that I was throwing away our friendship. And why didn't I ever call her and ask to hang out?

 

I told her that she had other friends and other priorities and that it wasn't worth me sticking around. I told her I wanted to let her go and asked her not to call me anymore. She deleted me from her phonebook.

 

This has turned into quite a long story, but I will finish it now. I cut all ties with this girl because it was seriously hurting me to see her grow closer and closer to her other friend. I felt like I was just on a leash ... a friend on my ex's terms. A friend that would maybe see her once a month. Obviously, my ex didn't suffer when she dumped me over the phone. She did not lose wait or have many sleepless nights over me ... so I was tuff with her. I still hurt like crazy and I miss her ... but I don't regret my decision. And a month has passed and I'm going strong.

 

My advice to all of you ... move on while you still have some dignity intact. These people who feel they can keep you on a leash, Put you on hold whenever they feel like it, Tell you that you're not really in love with them and then expect you to be friends with them ... on their terms don't deserve your adoration or your energy.

 

Take control ... turn the tables ... and leave them in the dust.

[DerangedAngel]

Good for you, dazed! Thanks for posting.

 

Best wishes to you in the future. Stay strong.

 

-Deranged

[CurlyIam]

I hear you! May everyone else reading your story have the power to hear you too!

 

Curly

[dazednconfuzed]

It hasn't been easy but I've stuck to my guns ... haven't called my ex, e-mailed or even text messaged her.

 

I think about her some times. I miss her, and at times, I ache for her.

 

I will, however, continue to concentrate on me -- to exercise, to excel at my job, to get out there and hike and fish and go white water rafting.

And I will live my life.

 

When I get lonely I remind myself that I can either find a one-night stand LOL or tuff it out because I do not want somebody just for the sake of having somebody. I need to know that my partner is with me for the long haul ... that she only has eyes for me ... that she will turn to me in times of crisis and that I will be able to turn to her when I need her.

 

Wasting my precious life missing a woman who obviously didn't appreciate me (and who is probably not thinking of me) is foolish indeed. If I am meant to meet someone, it will happen, and I don't believe that I have to seek her out. We will find each other when the time is right.

[ViewFromAbove]

You're right. You have been sucker kicked. Glad you made it out alright. Enjoy your new found freedom!