Should I Change My Number?

[MEEJ]

Hi, this is my first time posting here.

 

I broke up with my ex almost a year ago, yet I still can't let go. We broke up, not for the usual reasons, that's beyond the point now. I think we both still had feelings for each other when we had to go our separate ways.

 

We've been in contact with each other, mostly initiated by her for the majority of the time we've been separated. We've met for lunch twice, talked on the phone, texted etc.

 

She would still get jealous thinking I was still in contact with her friends or that I was talking to other people. Except for the last times we texted. I would make comments trying to get a jealous reaction from her but it didn't work. Its' been a month to the day since we last texted. This is the longest we've ever gone without any sort of contact. I realize now that its' finally over. I always had hope we'd get back together.

 

So I've been debating about changing my number for awhile, this to avoid expecting and wanting a text or a call from her. By knowing she doesn't have my number, each time I get a call or a text, I will know for sure it's not her.

 

Changing my number would mean I'm done with everything, it would symbolize I accept my loss, lose all hope and move forward, move on, forget my past with her and start all over.

 

Changing my number can also mean weakness, that I can't move on my own, that I'm not strong enough to move on with my life unless I know for a fact that her and I will not have contact ever again.

 

Not changing my number would mean that I'm strong enough to accept my loss and will allow time to do its work and heal me. It would mean I'm strong enough to not need or have a desire to talk to her or text with her.

 

Not changing my number can also mean that I'm still clinging on to hope. Hoping that one day she texts me or calls me and tells me she misses me, or wants to see me or what not.

 

Not sure where I fall under exactly, not sure what's the best thing to do.

 

Any feedback would be appreciated.

[lovelylashes]

Personally i would say yeah change your number. If you have accepted that it is over for you both and you dont want to hear from her anymore then go for it.

 

Changing your number is not a sign of weakness, your proving to yourself that thats it, no going back. Just remember to stay strong and not be tempted to text her your new number. Im guilty of doing that myself

[Philosoraptor]

If hearing the text or phone ring bothers you... then change it. Do whatever it takes for you to heal and pay no attention to what other's may think of your decision. You are doing this for you.

[MEEJ]

Thanks for you responses.

 

I finally changed my number last week. It was tormenting hoping that each call or text was from her, now I have a level of relief.

 

We broke up for ulterior motives, for the longest time she would tell me she still loved me. As time progressed (it will be 1 year on March 29), the phones calls and text message became less and less and more and more distant. I realized time had done its job, in regards to her finally getting over me at least. I tried forgetting her, I tried getting over her, it's been useless.

 

She called me (2) weeks ago, we talked for 30 minutes, she had gone back to school, she seemed very excited. We had a good conversation. Hearing less and less from her but then hearing from her and knowing she's moved on and doing her own thing affected me. The less I know from her, the better I'd be off, I felt after we hung up.

 

So I finally changed my number last week. Two day later she called me at school, where I work. The Center Assistant transferred the call, I recognized her number, I didn't pick up.

 

I've been wondering about her, thinking what she thought or felt when she realized I had changed my number. I helped her in so many ways and in everything she needed, I was the only one that was by her side through good and bad . I feel like I abandoned her, I wonder what she must be thinking or feeling? I still care greatly about her.

 

I've been thinking of sending her an online text message telling her why I did what I did and how I feel. Not sure if I should.

[nature]

It would really help if you explained why you broke up, and who initiated the break up. To get a sense of where her head is at.

[MEEJ]

I met her 3 years ago, she has a little boy, he's 5. She left her ex because they would get in constant fights everyday. We were together for close to 2 years.

 

She moved out and got her own apartment. About 2 months before we broke up, she hurt her back and couldn't work. She had no income, the bills were piling up, I helped with what I could, we started having problems, probably the stress or the frustration from the situation. She felt trapped and desperate. We broke up. A few weeks later she told me she felt she had no choice but to move back with her ex, he would let her stay in one of the rooms in exchange of not paying her child support. She agreed, she just wanted a roof over her child.

 

Last time we spoke, she told me her mom asked her to move out and get a house with her.

[jerbear]

Sometimes you just have to walk away. It is hard to let go sometimes. I had to do that cold turkey in the past. Not disappear like fall off the planet. I told her I'm not interested anymore.

 

Since you already changed phone numbers, cell?, it is a moot point.

 

If she left a voicemail on your work number, you might want to listen to it and decide. If she did not leave voicemail, let it go.

 

I had an ex do this before, I would not answer my cell and after she broke up with her guy; she called my work and left voicemail. My friend took over my number and called me, telling me about her. Needless to say, I told my friend thank you and I did not call her back.

[nature]

Thanks for the explanation of your break up. It sounds like she was rebounding from her ex when she ended up in a relationship with you. From the sounds of it, she went straight from her ex to being with you. Therefore, she was trying to escape the relationship with him, by jumping in with you. However, she never had time to get her head and heart together. Google Rebound relationships. They can last a few weeks or a couple of years. But ultimately, they usually end because the person rebounding eventually has to deal wlith all those feelings they buried deep down inside. I think this is why she panicked and felt trapped (besides the money, bills, etc) but why she left you and ran back to a safe place, staying with her ex. I'm sorry you are hurting. I would not tell her why you changed your number. You changed it for a very determined reason....to get over her. Now you have to follow thru with this and try to move on. It sounds like you've been holding on with hope the last year. And she has liked having you as a security blanket. It doesn't sounds like she is on her way back to you, I'm sorry to say. YOu need to work on you and work on moving forward. I honestly don't think she was ready to be in a relationship wtih you. I hope this helps in some way, so that you can see it wasn't you. It was her. It sounds like she's fairly messed up right now, running back ot the safety of a room with her ex, etc. She needs to figure herself out, on her own, without you there as a backup security blanket. If she ever gets her head on straight, she will come and find you. But not until she finds you for the right reasons should you keep giving your heart to this woman. Take care and i"m sorry you're hurting.

[MEEJ]

Thank you jerbear and nature for your responses.

 

Nature, your response makes a lot of sense, thank you for it, it helped me view things differently and understand things better.

 

She called me again today though, at work, I didn't respond. Minutes later she sent me a friend request on Facebook. I don't plan to accept her.