Girls fatter than online pics

[lospantalonsfancie]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I went on this date from OLD. Girl looked slim and very attractive in her OLD pictures. Showed up to the date, and she was HUGE!! I wasn't sure what to do. I stepped out to pay for parking, and I just drove off, as I just couldn't go through with the date. I felt horrible, and sent her an apologetic text, but I'm not sure how guilty I should feel. I wasn't sure what else to do... Anybody else been in a similar situation? How would you have handled it? How horrible a person am I?

[USCGAviator]

What was her response to your text?

[USCGAviator]

I had a girl ask me to send a pic of myself to her phone prior to our date just to make sure I wasn't a troll posting up some other dudes pics. Can't blame her.

[lospantalonsfancie]

Her response was impressively bold denialism. She said that she finds my reaction very surprising, and everyone in the past had told her the exact opposite. She also said that she feels the same about me, and therefore its all for the best. I'm pretty sure I look exactly the same as I do in my pictures (except for the fact that I'm about a week overdue for a haircut), so I think she was just trying to save face and act big (no pun intended).

 

Its all such a shame really, because she seemed like an awesome person to talk to from our online convos and from her profile. She probably used to be hot too, 30-40lbs ago...

[Ninjainpajamas]

Sounds like you had a.............BIG...problem.

[USCGAviator]

Good stuff, sucks it was so bad you had to abort mission. I've learned a few things since I've been doin OLD.

 

1. She may have 4 great pics and 1 bad pic. Sadly the bad pic holds more truth than the rest.

 

2. No body shot = SSW (super size woman)

 

3. Most already have an emergency squeeze to hold them over sexually while their on the hunt.

 

4. The majority are either semi-attractive with no job or unattractive with decent jobs.

 

5. Good luck!

[PhillyDude]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I went on this date from OLD. Girl looked slim and very attractive in her OLD pictures. Showed up to the date, and she was HUGE!! I wasn't sure what to do. I stepped out to pay for parking, and I just drove off, as I just couldn't go through with the date. I felt horrible, and sent her an apologetic text, but I'm not sure how guilty I should feel. I wasn't sure what else to do... Anybody else been in a similar situation? How would you have handled it? How horrible a person am I?

 

You did the right thing, she lied and falsely advertised herself and had to deal with the consequences.

[neowulf]

This has happened to me before.

 

I usually just sit and have a coffee with them.

 

Look, I get that some people get hugely bent out of shape about this, but as the poster said .. She was an awesome person.

 

I find that kind of behaviour cowardly and self interested myself. If you're upset about her photo, call her on it. But just running out on the date? Not my style. I'm better than that.

[Emilia]

Yeah, I had a guy who had photoshopped his photo and looked very different in real life. I had a drink with him but couldn't get out fast enough (he was weird too, kept touching my knees, etc yuck). Never replied to the text he sent me after. Sounds horrible but he creeped me out.

[Professor X]

Sounds like you had a.............BIG...problem.

 

CSI much?

[poodle]

I'm probably the only person who thinks you should have handled this differently.

Many people who are overweight are in denial and instead of running away, I think you should have pointed out that she looked different in her pictures. The only people who post older/better looking pictures of themselves are those who haven't accepted the way they really look.

[mixwell]

Under normal circumstances I would say that's messed up but I have to agree that she deceived you with her pictures. I kinda chuckled thinking about your expression taking off like godzilla was about do attack the city.

 

I have some older pictures on my FB from when I was in highschool and thinner but I also have ones of my current fat ass and I wouldn't try to make a chick think I'm as thin as I was to "trick" her into meeting so yea Fk her. I've met my fair of beat chicks online in the past when I was younger and it's funny when you meet one that looks like their picture you're like ::whewwwww:: haha.

 

I wouldn't feel too bad about it, she did the ol bait and switch routine on ya bro haha

[Jane2011]

I don't blame you, myself. I suppose you could have said something first and then left, but I don't think what you did was wrong either.

 

I might have done the same thing if I were in your position. I find it painful (at worst) and awkward and boring (at least) to sit and talk for an hour -- or just six minutes, in the case of speed dating, which I've also done before -- with someone I'm not interested in.

 

I've actually never met a guy from OLD who was fatter than his pics. (In fact, a couple were smaller than their more buff pics, but it wasn't smaller enough that I thought they were deceptive.) I haven't even run into the height deception thing from guys. The last guy I dated from an OLD even looked about an inch taller than what he said in his profile. Maybe guys don't lie about those things as much, or I seem to pick types who don't.

 

I look like my pics, for sure. I don't do a lot of body shots, though, because I just don't have a lot of myself. But I have half body shots (like where I'm sitting down and you can see from the waist up; it's pretty clear I'm thin).

 

I've actually never met a guy in person from an OLD site who wasn't interested in me. But that's in large part because 1) I go out with the ones who contact me first, 2) I do look like my pics, and 3) I have pretty good social and conversation skills.

 

This is not to say they'd all fall in love with me or want a long-term relationship with me, but they always have initial interest; they always feel there's something to go on from the first date...

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think she was wrong, and I wonder why people do that. It seems like it would be much more painful to be rejected for being who you really are in person than being rejected in advance due to realistic pictures.

 

Still … I think you were wrong, too. Bad manners. There are all kinds of reasons that first meets don't develop into anything else; I don't think it would have harmed you to have had a cup of coffee with her.

[azsinglegal]

I'm probably the only person who thinks you should have handled this differently.

Many people who are overweight are in denial and instead of running away, I think you should have pointed out that she looked different in her pictures. The only people who post older/better looking pictures of themselves are those who haven't accepted the way they really look.

 

No, I agree.

 

Running away was cowardly and rude. At least stay to meet the girl for coffee you set the date up in the first place. And I would say, "you look much different then your picture"...and mention that she's bigger.

 

When I was 40lbs heavier I honestly didn't "see" myself that big, even tho none of my clothes fit. I would cram myself into old jeans and tank tops, etc. I would even say my scale was broken as it was digital. But it didn't lie...I was 178lbs.

 

Sometimes, if you've been thin before, it's harder to accept that you've put on weight. The adult thing to do was to stay and mention it to her. Even pull up the picture on your phone and show her the difference.

 

But not in a "you're a fat ass" kinda way, in a "you look different now" kinda way.

[Ranchero44]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I went on this date from OLD. Girl looked slim and very attractive in her OLD pictures. Showed up to the date, and she was HUGE!! I wasn't sure what to do. I stepped out to pay for parking, and I just drove off, as I just couldn't go through with the date. I felt horrible, and sent her an apologetic text, but I'm not sure how guilty I should feel. I wasn't sure what else to do... Anybody else been in a similar situation? How would you have handled it? How horrible a person am I?

 

Well, like so many already said, in the future, you probably shouldn't run off like that. You sorta redeemed yourself by sending a text.

 

When I used to online date, I heard from a ton of men that this happens constantly. It was the biggest complaint I heard from men. I also heard them say, as someone pointed out already, that something is fishy when there are no body photos.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I met a guy from a personal ad (this was in the olden days, before OLD) who neglected to tell me that he was a double amputee and had no legs. It was VERY awkward when I walked into the restaurant and saw him. Especially since he mentioned NOTHING during our "date". He also had a belligerent, sour attitude towards me the whole time, like he was just daring me to mention and reject him for being legless.

 

It was HORRIBLE.

 

For the record, I don't think I would have refused to meet a man in a wheelchair if I felt like we really hit it off. But I would want to know before joining him at a table in a coffee shop.

 

But, I didn't bail.

 

And he sent me a hateful message later about how he knew I would not date him again because I was a superficial beeyotch.

 

Just a little story about why it's always better to let your potential dates know who you really are, including physical attributes.

[verhrzn]

I met a guy from a personal ad (this was in the olden days, before OLD) who neglected to tell me that he was a double amputee and had no legs. It was VERY awkward when I walked into the restaurant and saw him. Especially since he mentioned NOTHING during our "date". He also had a belligerent, sour attitude towards me the whole time, like he was just daring me to mention and reject him for being legless.

 

It was HORRIBLE.

 

For the record, I don't think I would have refused to meet a man in a wheelchair if I felt like we really hit it off. But I would want to know before joining him at a table in a coffee shop.

 

But, I didn't bail.

 

And he sent me a hateful message later about how he knew I would not date him again because I was a superficial beeyotch.

 

Just a little story about why it's always better to let your potential dates know who you really are, including physical attributes.

 

Geez, that sounds awful.

 

At least the lady didn't blast him for being superficial, or call him out for how rude he was. Seriously, fleeing from the restaurant? Is that how you would want someone to treat you?

[Emilia]

 

But, I didn't bail.

 

And he sent me a hateful message later about how he knew I would not date him again because I was a superficial beeyotch.

 

Just a little story about why it's always better to let your potential dates know who you really are, including physical attributes.

 

Also why often there is no thanks for being nice. If you think someone tried to deceive you, you should walk in my opinion. You won't be thanked for staying.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Also why often there is no thanks for being nice. If you think someone tried to deceive you, you should walk in my opinion. You won't be thanked for staying.

 

Personally, I disagree strongly with this. My own manners, etiquette and behavior are not in a state of flux determined by the behavior of other people, unless they are dangerous or abusive.

 

A "blind date" is a risk. I think it would be completely appropriate to tell a person you are not interested in them, even tell them it's because of how they look or because they misrepresented themselves and you are turned off by dishonesty. But to just flee? Cowardly and basically, terrible manners. MY opinion.

[veggirl]

Oh please. Girlfriend posts misleading pics....that is what's cowardly and rude. Some of ya expect him to then buy her coffee?? Cmon. I'd leave too! As long as he sent the text right away, and didn't leave her hanging for half an hr, I think its fine.

[verhrzn]

Also why often there is no thanks for being nice. If you think someone tried to deceive you, you should walk in my opinion. You won't be thanked for staying.

 

It's not about thanks, it's about being polite. Showing courtesy to someone else even when you feel they might not be worthy of it. While the lady was deceitful, she might not have done it maliciously or with bad intent (she might not have actually realized how different she looked than her photos.)

 

Sometimes it pays to be the bigger person and show kindness to someone who hasn't directly hurt you. Honestly, by lying about such an obvious thing, how did the lady really hurt the OP? She didn't, and yet he felt he had to punish her (running away.)

 

If we were only kind and showed courtesy to the people who we felt had "earned" it, hardly anyone would ever be polite.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I owned a business and interviewed prospective employees often. Sometimes they were nothing like their resume represented them to be. Once I ascertained this, did I get up and walk away, leaving them sitting there? Even if they out and out lied? No!

 

Could I have justified it? Yes, but I think that's bad manners. One can "waste" 10 - 30 minutes on another human being just being "polite" without much skin off one's back.

 

Like the other poster said, people who have put on the pounds are often in a state of denial (like she herself was) and aren't just blatantly lying when they don't realize that they really do look fat.

 

And, veggirl, I don't think he needed to buy her coffee. I think most meets should be dutch. That's just me, though.

[KathyM]

I think it's too bad how people waste the time, energy and emotions of others in OLD by posting out of date or misleading pictures of themselves. I don't know what they think they're gaining by that. As soon as the person meets them IRL, that person will resent that they were deceived and that they wasted their time. I guess these people believe that, once you meet them IRL, and get to know their stunning personality on the first date , that somehow it won't matter that they got you there under false pretenses, but that attitude only ends up wasting their time as well. There are plenty of men who pull this stunt as well. Guys who claim they are younger than what they really are, taller than what they are, or who have put on weight that their pictures don't show. I know that's frustrating when someone pulls that on you, but I do think you shouldn't run out when you see you've been misled. Just politely get through the first date, make it short, and split the bill. Anyone who would deceive you like that shouldn't be getting a free meal from it.

[Eddie Edirol]

I like the OPs description of her lies. Impressively Bold Denialism. That is classic. She knows she lied, and tried to gaslight him.

 

 

Sometimes it pays to be the bigger person and show kindness to someone who hasn't directly hurt you. Honestly, by lying about such an obvious thing, how did the lady really hurt the OP? She didn't, and yet he felt he had to punish her (running away.)

 

Its not punishment, its reality. Its the principal of the act. She knows she is lying, and she tried to gaslight him. Only then would the OP feel the urge to run out on her. Had she admitted or not been in denial, he probably would have at least finished the date and told her that it wouldnt work. But she tried to throw it in HIS face.

 

 

I think she was wrong, and I wonder why people do that. It seems like it would be much more painful to be rejected for being who you really are in person than being rejected in advance due to realistic pictures.

 

Still … I think you were wrong, too. Bad manners. There are all kinds of reasons that first meets don't develop into anything else; I don't think it would have harmed you to have had a cup of coffee with her.

 

I think People do that as a last resort because they dont get responses for their fat pics, and they dont plan on trying to lose weight the right way. But I do think that it would be way too awkward to have coffee with a boldface liar, just because she tried to gaslight him. He shouldnt have to be made to feel uncomfortable for the sake of being polite to someone hes not going to see ever again. Sould he really have to feel awkward and reward a boldface liar for this behavior? F*ck bad manners, manners dont make a difference if she will be history. She shouldnt be rewarded for it, she needs to be shown that what she is doing is unnacceptable, and she needs to learn the hard way that this is the way life is until she changes something, or goes after the chubby chasers.