Girls fatter than online pics

[Ross MwcFan]

Maybe she thought she still looked the same in her old picture. Gosh she didn't commit a crime.

 

I doubt it, there was a BIG difference between her online pic and how she looed IRL. The guy said in her pic she was slim, and IRL she was huge.

[Els]

The question here isn't really 'who is wrong?' but rather 'who acted worse?' And given the information, I would have to say the OP. Plain courtesy dictates that you at the very least tell them in person that you're not interested, apologize, and politely excuse yourself. That is IF it would kill you to spend another 20 minutes having a drink with them. Simply driving off without a word and then apologizing via text reeks of cowardice.

 

I would say the exact same thing if a woman did this just because the guy turned out to be shorter than he claimed to be, or appeared to be in his pictures. And you know what? I bet a large majority of the male posters agreeing with the OP on this thread would greatly outdo me in my chastisement of her.

[irc333]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I went on this date from OLD. Girl looked slim and very attractive in her OLD pictures. Showed up to the date, and she was HUGE!! I wasn't sure what to do. I stepped out to pay for parking, and I just drove off, as I just couldn't go through with the date. I felt horrible, and sent her an apologetic text, but I'm not sure how guilty I should feel. I wasn't sure what else to do... Anybody else been in a similar situation? How would you have handled it? How horrible a person am I?

 

 

Another thing to make sure of, make sure you at least get pictures from the waist up. Headshots won't cut it, and I'm seeing a lot of those lately.

 

Though usually from just a headshot, you can tell their level of obesity by a double chin, but.....some one told me just because they do NOT have a double chin, doesn't mean they aren't fat either.

[irc333]

I am not mad at the OP. What I am saying is that yes, he should have stayed. And instead of it turning into a "pity date", take the approach that this person was human, just like him, and that he could appreciate the present moment and honor his own commitment and just sit down for a drink because he DID like her personality. How she acted is not a justification for how he acted. If she was here instead of him asking for advice, she'd be getting the same advice from me. That she would need to look at her own behavior independent of how he acted. But she isn't here looking for advice. He is.

 

Yep, back in the day when online dating was free....I met a woman, she wasn't too clear on what her body was like,b ut I met her anyway, since she didn't live far.

 

I was expecting her to be a bit chunky, but she was of the "Jabba the Hutt" frame.

 

So, I sucked it up, and tolerated it.....just conversed with her and moved on. I think bailing on the date, when you looked at her from a distance, leaving her hanging and standing her up, was kind of crappy on your part.

[Eternal Sunshine]

To sum it up: two wrongs don't make a right.

[daphne]

I think I would have found what you did rude, before a lot of the guys told me that this is a constant thing online. I now liken it to a guy who's married and meets you. They're both lying.

 

If someone purposefully sets out to deceive you, I see no reason to sit through a date and torture yourself. One guy I went out with told the woman she was hideous, and I knew he wasn't the kind of guy I would want to date. However, barring ugly confrontational behavior, I don't see anything wrong with excusing yourself due to false pretenses.

Edited February 26, 2012 by daphne

[Oxy Moronovich]

Yep, back in the day when online dating was free....I met a woman, she wasn't too clear on what her body was like,b ut I met her anyway, since she didn't live far.

 

I was expecting her to be a bit chunky, but she was of the "Jabba the Hutt" frame.

 

So, I sucked it up, and tolerated it.....just conversed with her and moved on. I think bailing on the date, when you looked at her from a distance, leaving her hanging and standing her up, was kind of crappy on your part.

Everyone keeps getting mad at the OP, basically calling him spineless. Isn't her behavior spineless? She couldn't face up to the fact that putting accurate pics of herself on her profile would cause many guys to overlook her profile. So she thought to deceive them. How is that not spineless? It's also tasteless. If you act cowardly and tasteless toward someone, you shouldn't complain when that person acts the same way in kind.

 

Sitting around and talking to her does nothing for her. 3 scenarios can happen if he sat and went on with the date.

 

1. He tells her either he liked her online but lost interest upon meeting her. That would leave a sour note in the date.

 

2. He doesn't tell her but pretends to like her on the date. She figures out he's not interested, and becomes resentful.

 

3. He doesn't tell her, nor does she figure out he's faking interest. So she gains the illusion he likes her. But then is hurt when he declines to go on further dates with her.

 

So staying with her doesn't do anything for her.

[irc333]

I have seen this in a movie one time, some guy was on an online date, and he brought a friend with him to go in first to "check her out" to see if she was hot.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I still disagree. Your talking about relationships with family members. I'm talking about relationships amongst lovers and strangers. The family relationships are different from other relationships. Family members always act differently toward a person than non-family. Fact. As a result, a loving family is liable to gloss over a member's faults, even the most glaring ones. They act as if nothing has changed. As a result, the family member doesn't see any faults with their behavior.

 

Strangers have a different viewpoint. Dates are not a committment. He didn't commit to the date anymore than she committed to having sex with him after the date. He liked her personality but didn't feel attraction to her. Maybe her personality was as false as her pictures. It may not destroy his life to be have a drink with her, but it didn't make him feel better.

 

Sorry, he did commit to the date. He said he would go. Commitment made. It's just that simple.

 

And I am not really sure what you are talking about how my family glossed over my faults. That has nothing to do with what I am talking about.

That example had nothing to do with my family only to say that I gained weight during a difficult time. And how I didn't really realize just how much I gained but my personality was just fine. Someone made the point that someone that "lies" like that is disfunctional in some way or suggested they aren't good relationship material. I knew I had gained some weight. It wasn't until I saw that picture did I realize how much. Sometimes, I am sure, when people look at pictures of themselves, they still lie to themselves about what they might really look like. The truth is We ALL got something we aren't completely honest about with ourselves or with other people. We all do this. And if you don't, congrats, you are a perfect human being.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Not to sound like an arse but I think you're over complicating the scenario. He wanted to meet a female in person who he thought looked like her actual photos but didn't. I don't know if id have drove off but bottom line is she deceived him into thinking she was more attractive from pictures than she was.. I don't buy the BS of "she simply sees herself how she was in those old pictures"... Sorry I have to call BS.. I know what i looked like a few years ago and how much of a fat ass I am now. I don't compare myself from what I was to what I am... That's just a weak excuse...

 

I don't want to bust on your theory but bottom line is that some chick showed older, more attractive pix of herself when she knew she didn't look like that currently.. There is no BS "Oh I thought I still looked the same way" she knew damn well and I don't feel sorry for her..

 

Did the OP act like an arsehole? I personally don't think so.. I may sound harsh but if some chick out right lied to me I'd have no sympathy for her... She knows what she was doing.. Don't play the naive/ignorant part.. she posted older pictures to attract men when she knows she's a ****ing cow now... sorry but she was acting deceptive no reason or excuse around it..

 

That's right, call someone else a "cow" because she is a human being. That's being a good man.

 

Please, don't act like you never lied about anything. You have lied haven't you? I have. If you haven't..Congrats. You are clearly a better person then all human beings because all human beings lie at some point. Good for you. You win.

 

Let me also ask you how honest are you with your dates about things you know are unflattering about yourself? Not just things regarding looks. Lets be honest, looks aren't the only thing people lie about or keep from potential dates in order to look more attractive. Do you post your most flattering and unflattering traits? I bet you don't. Very few people are honest about their faults. They might make silly comments like "I can't boil water' *giggle giggle* or, " I can't spell", but they won't tell you the truly unattractive stuff unitl you get to know them and you see it.

 

I used a personal example to show how I didn't realize how much weight I had gained. The difference between how I saw myself and how I really was, take from it what you will. It happens

 

Either way, people are human. Try being human in return is my only point of this. And don't resort to calling people names. You have no right to call other people names even if you think you are entitled to.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Seeing that someone posted misleading pictures about herself reveals new, disconcerting information about her personality, too.

 

I guess the take home lesson is, when meeting for the first time--be prepared for surprises!

 

What disconcerting information? That she is a human being? LOL. Come on XXOO, you've never lied to anyone about anything? Does lying alone make someone whatever personality you are insinuating this girl is?

 

Well maybe most people here are better people then me (but I suspect from my experience of online dating and seeing other people's profiles that isn't the case), but I was not always totally upfront about the traits that made me unflattering. I suspect most people operate the same way. And I think getting upset about someone manipulating the situation based on their looks is no different then someone hiding or not being honest about their other traits that make them less flattering.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There is just a lot of emphasis on the demonic FAT in this whole thread and in general.

 

People put up photoshopped or professionally taken "glamor" shots or the ubiquitous MySpace camera angle fake out all the time.

 

It is SO common for people to misrepresent themselves in their profiles with words, too. I can't tell you how many profiles I read about what people "love" to do (like "take long walks on the beach," "sample fine wines" … but in reality, they did not actually do. What they ACTUALLY did was go to their job, come home, watch TV and sit on their computers, mostly.

 

Are they outright lying? I don't think so, in many cases. They are representing themselves as they really want to be - as they INTEND to be, as soon as … they get a boyfriend, or New Years comes and they start the diet, or they get that promotion.

 

I am not saying that it's okay to do any of that. I AM saying that when you participate in OLD, or go on blind dates, or even date somebody you met IRL, what you are signing up for is to spend a little time checking somebody out and getting to know whether you might want to spend some further time. If you know right off the bat, because they look like crap even though they looked cute in their pics - then so be it. If it took an hour for you to find out you can't stand their politics and they have the table manners of a cave man, then so be it.

 

But - you did sign up to meet a person with the full knowledge that it might lead to NOTHING and prove to have been a "waste of time."

[Easyguy14]

I'm probably the only person who thinks you should have handled this differently.

Many people who are overweight are in denial and instead of running away, I think you should have pointed out that she looked different in her pictures. The only people who post older/better looking pictures of themselves are those who haven't accepted the way they really look.

 

sorry but I dont buy this argument. I think people that post picture of how good they used to look solely wants to fool the opposite sex. its sort of a trap or bait to reel you in and then when faced with their real self, you're already stuck there so they hope to make the best of it.

[jobaba]

Nothing wrong with what you did. She was a fat liar! lol

 

If I met a guy online and he showed pics of a slimmer version of himself and turned out to be huge I would take off too and I wouldn't feel bad about it either. I would feel entitled to leave without saying a word since he misrepresented himself.

 

If anything I would feel that HE wasted my time; me having to get ready and drive and waste my valuable time for nothing. Time that I will never get back. We only have one life to live; once someone wastes our time it's gone. He would have to be the one to apologize. I think I would be livid for having to waste my time.

 

So no; I don't think you did anything bad. SHE owes you an apology.

 

I didn't even bother reading past this post. I'm going to call poster shallow, poster is going to tell me to f@ck off, etc. etc.

 

Plus this topic has been discussed more than once.

 

But ... imagine you decided to give a guy a chance who listed himself at 5'6" and slightly overweight. When you show up, he not only turns out to be 6'0" and fit, but he is way more handsome than his original pic represents.

 

Do you fly out the door then because of 'misrepresentation'?

[PlumPrincess]

Sorry, he did commit to the date. He said he would go. Commitment made. It's just that simple.

What kind of logic is that? The commitment was given under different terms. When the terms change, the commitment is gone. When you buy something from the internet and it turns out that the pictures of the object were wrong and you received something that you didn't want, do you proceed with the deal or do you cancel it?

 

Or what if your date claims to be 20 and then turns out to be 40, is there still an obligation to continue with the date?

 

I think many women here are just siding with the girl, because the OP had an issue with her weight.

[jobaba]

I wouldn't fly out the door but I would not be interested in him either because I DO NOT LIKE LIARS. I would think he had issues straight off the bat. However, to be honest, I would probably talk to him. I just don't want to talk to someone unattractive.

 

I think the women who find the OP's deplorable probably have had weight issues and hence the attack on him. I've never had weight issues and thus it's not an issue for me; I'm very confident with my looks. There's nothing wrong with rejecting people due to their looks; it's an important critera.

 

Is it possible for you to PM your real name, so that I make sure I never get to know you in real life. Seriously...

[verhrzn]

What kind of logic is that? The commitment was given under different terms. When the terms change, the commitment is gone. When you buy something from the internet and it turns out that the pictures of the object were wrong and you received something that you didn't want, do you proceed with the deal or do you cancel it?

 

Or what if your date claims to be 20 and then turns out to be 40, is there still an obligation to continue with the date?

 

I think many women here are just siding with the girl, because the OP had an issue with her weight.

 

No, they're siding with the girl because of common courtesy.

 

Nobody is saying he had to date her. Or heck, even spend that much time with her. But fleeing the restaurant on the assumption she lied (when there's been plenty of posters who explain how she might not have been doing it deliberately) is cowardly and rude. The very least he could have done was sit down, explain why this date was not going to work out, and THEN leave.

[lospantalonsfancie]

I think the women who find the OP's deplorable probably have had weight issues and hence the attack on him. I've never had weight issues and thus it's not an issue for me; I'm very confident with my looks. There's nothing wrong with rejecting people due to their looks; it's an important critera.

 

Bingo. I think many of the posters who take the most issue to what I did are women who have had weight problems, so I am taking their highly subjective opinions with a grain of salt. Look, I get it, I've had weight problems in the past myself, so I'm willing to forgive the same in others up to a point. However, my weight problems were of the 10lbs variety, not the 40-50lbs variety, so I find it hard to sympathize too much with someone who allowed things to get that severe and then refused to own up to it or be honest about it.

 

I think what many of the posters fail to realize is that it is also hurtful for me to have to sit through a date after such deceit, particularly with someone who I don't find attractive, and who I don't "see myself with." Yes, my self esteem is not perfect, and I would like to think that I only go out on dates with people who are honest and attractive. Doing otherwise would distress me, even though it would be the kind and selfless thing to do. In this case, I felt that I wanted to spare myself the distress.

[PlumPrincess]

No, they're siding with the girl because of common courtesy.

 

Nobody is saying he had to date her. Or heck, even spend that much time with her. But fleeing the restaurant on the assumption she lied (when there's been plenty of posters who explain how she might not have been doing it deliberately) is cowardly and rude. The very least he could have done was sit down, explain why this date was not going to work out, and THEN leave.

He did something irrational for a moment, but then realized that he didn't behave that well and then sent her a message. I don't think his behavior is great, he could have behaved better, but I see no reason to slam him like that, because it's not like he's defending his behavior that much.. I'm sure, next time he would tell the girl that he didn't think the date would go anywhere because of the misrepresentation.

[J322Y]

I spent a lot of time IM'ing with an online match who had misrepresented herself in her profile and in conversation. On Match she chose the body type of "about average" for herself, listed a lot of physical activities, and chose the category of "exercises 3-4 times per week". She only had a head shot for a photo. Before meeting her she "confessed" to needing to lose 15 pounds. I told her that I've been with women who were 15 pounds overweight and it hadn't bothered me. When I met her I found out that she was at about 50 pounds overweight on a 5'4" frame.

 

I've never been with anyone that heavy, but since we had had such good chemistry I decided to see if I would adjust to her size. I should have known better because any relationship that begins with lies isn't going to work, at least not for me. When I realized this I sent her an email explaining my feelings. She defended her profile but eventually changed it to "a few extra pounds", and "exercises 1-2 times per week. She also removed half of the exercise categories she had originally claimed. I'm still convinced she's lying about how much she exercises.

 

I'm not going to judge the OP for how he reacted even though I handled my date differently. All is fair in love and war, but if you lie you shouldn't expect to be treated with respect by the victim of your lies. There are plenty of men who appreciate big women; be honest about your size if you want to find a good relationship.

[poodle]

Again, why is this so deceitful when makeup that will completely change your look, pushup bras, slim suits etc are all considered acceptable?! I don't think what she did was right if she was aware of what she was doing (I still really doubt she did it on purpose), but all of you are so quick to call her a liar which is a little unfair considering we all do our best to cover up our flaws.

 

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

 

[lospantalonsfancie]

Again, why is this so deceitful when makeup that will completely change your look, pushup bras, slim suits etc are all considered acceptable?! I don't think what she did was right if she was aware of what she was doing (I still really doubt she did it on purpose), but all of you are so quick to call her a liar which is a little unfair considering we all do our best to cover up our flaws.

 

Here is the difference poodle: the fact that people cover up their flaws with makeup and use pushup bras is what they call in economics "Common Knowledge." That is, I know you do it, you know that I know you do it, and so on. This makes it OK. Pretending you are 40lbs lighter than you are does not fall in this category, and is hence deception.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I'm not going to judge the OP for how he reacted even though I handled my date differently. All is fair in love and war, but if you lie you shouldn't expect to be treated with respect by the victim of your lies. There are plenty of men who appreciate big women; be honest about your size if you want to find a good relationship.

Yep. There are many dating sites for big women. As you say, plenty men like big women. My cousin used tangowire's bbw dating site and was engaged to one of the women he met on the site (they broke off for reasons other than her weight).

Yep, back in the day when online dating was free....I met a woman, she wasn't too clear on what her body was like,b ut I met her anyway, since she didn't live far.

 

I was expecting her to be a bit chunky, but she was of the "Jabba the Hutt" frame.

 

So, I sucked it up, and tolerated it.....just conversed with her and moved on. I think bailing on the date, when you looked at her from a distance, leaving her hanging and standing her up, was kind of crappy on your part.

This is a post many people are overlooking. Like irc, the OP was so disgusted by her appearance that he felt the urge to run away. Yet people are saying he should have been polite and stayed. Why? Would anyone here wanna go on a date with someone who secretly has the urge to run away but is only staying to be polite?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I actually don't think the "seeing if the person is hot and ditching" thing is bad; it's something I would probably do if the person was unattractive enough. However, I've never had to. However, I wouldn't feel bad about doing it.

 

But you're probably a kind of unique case, because you don't ever feel bad about what happens to other people whether you're involved in it or not, right?

[verhrzn]

Again, why is this so deceitful when makeup that will completely change your look, pushup bras, slim suits etc are all considered acceptable?! I don't think what she did was right if she was aware of what she was doing (I still really doubt she did it on purpose), but all of you are so quick to call her a liar which is a little unfair considering we all do our best to cover up our flaws.

 

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

 

 

Yes, girls also shouldn't be allowed to wear earrings. I mean, no one's ears are that naturally sparkly!