The Matrix Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Any other individuals out there who have a spouse who has a habit of sometimes wanting to discuss the days useless trivialities as you're just about to round first base going into foreplay mode? I'm just trying to establish if this is something others experience, or if my wife just has greater communication needs? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Are you my husband? The transition from mom-worker-friend mode to wife/lover mode sometimes takes a minute. I have to get all the distractions out before I can let go and focus. Link to post Share on other sites
JazzyFox Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It helps free her mind from what is about to occur. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I prefer pre-sex jibber jabber. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I prefer pre-sex jibber jabber. Good one, Creepy! Link to post Share on other sites
Orianne Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I think this is pretty normal... When I get the sense that my husband is 'in the mood' I feel the urge to say anything that I have to say, simply because when all is said and done, he's probably gonna go instantly to sleep and I'll have missed my chance for pillow talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Are you my husband? The transition from mom-worker-friend mode to wife/lover mode sometimes takes a minute. I have to get all the distractions out before I can let go and focus. Most of the kid talk, pep talks, updates, and daily details have been vastly covered well before that time. It's the "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you" moments while my mind is already switching over to second gear and I'm laying there thinking, "Really, that can't wait?" Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I do it. I think it comes with the fact that there is a little pre-sex anxiety and the best way we express that is through little verbalities. If the guy pretends to halfway listen, yet push the sex a little more...that works best and makes me feel close. I'm sure it isn't all that uncommon. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 If she's a SAHM, she's probably just craving adult company. Maybe she needs to get a job. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I highly reccomend dancing--even in your robes. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It's more on coming home than pre sex. Foreplay is foreplay. Bitching about work or my day is not foreplay Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Yes..me..I'm the talker and my wife listens. And yes, I thinks she wants you to communicate more, because that is what my wife lacks and I use that time to get her to talk. Next time embrace the conversation and see how well she responds to you that night...I think you will be surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Most of the kid talk, pep talks, updates, and daily details have been vastly covered well before that time. It's the "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you" moments while my mind is already switching over to second gear and I'm laying there thinking, "Really, that can't wait?" That's exactly what I meant by a distraction. If she doesn't get that "forgot to tell you..." out, she won't get to 2nd gear. How long does this take? A minute? Or does she go on and on for 10 minutes? Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I'm not a talker, but I bet it is to clear her mind. Like getting up to make a to-do list to clear your head when you are having trouble falling asleep. If it really bothers you, maybe try telling her that you won't remember what she says because you are too distracted by her hot little body. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 If she's a SAHM, she's probably just craving adult company. Maybe she needs to get a job. Nope, she works FT. But as I said, we've covered a lot of this stuff either talking during the day, or in the evening. I'm not one of those husbands who doesn't communicate. I listen to her when she wants to talk, discuss something, or bounce her workday issues off of me. It's not something that happens every time we go to make love, and it doesn't really bother me so much. I just can't figure out if this is normal female behavior vs. as someone pointed out, pre-foreplay non-related verbal foreplay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 That's exactly what I meant by a distraction. If she doesn't get that "forgot to tell you..." out, she won't get to 2nd gear. How long does this take? A minute? Or does she go on and on for 10 minutes? Oh those moments can last from two to six or seven minutes. I have things that I remember that I want to tell her as well at times as we're heading in that direction, but I put those on hold until the love making passes and then it makes for nice post-sex talk while cuddling. I know people are assuming I'm the hubby who doesn't communicate all day. Not the case. I talk with her all day from work, when I get home, and then some. She's not one of those neglected wives in that area. I'm a strong communicator. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Oh those moments can last from two to six or seven minutes. I have things that I remember that I want to tell her as well at times as we're heading in that direction, but I put those on hold until the love making passes and then it makes for nice post-sex talk while cuddling. Probably she is different, and needs to get it out to move on. I've heard it said that men are better at "compartmentalizing". Maybe so. I think it might be more that women get aroused more gradually, and these random distractions are hindering her arousal until she gets them out. FWIW, I didn't assume you were a poor communicator. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Probably she is different, and needs to get it out to move on. I've heard it said that men are better at "compartmentalizing". Maybe so. I think it might be more that women get aroused more gradually, and these random distractions are hindering her arousal until she gets them out. FWIW, I didn't assume you were a poor communicator. I believe you're right. She needs to "get it out." It's not like some huge hangup for me. I was just wondering if this is the norm for other men and women come nuptial time. Sorry, no you didn't say anything about my communications xxoo. I was actually referring to a couple others who did and frankly, I'd assume the same as they did since men are known as notorious marital communicators under most circumstances. Thanks for your insights. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It seems like a lot of analysis for a simple thing: don't some women like to talk? Maybe even at odd times? If she likes to talk so much, I'm sure she'd be able to give you a good explanation if you ask. As long as it's a good-natured thing and doesn't come across as criticism. You can always sing to her: A little less conversation, a little more action please All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Huh. Okay, admittedly, I've never done this, and I'd find it weird if the bf did. I do have some bad habits, like forgetting to clean the toys beforehand (so if we want to use them I have to get up and do it!), but I don't think I've ever said stuff like 'oh, btw, we need to get the carpet cleaned tomorrow!'. Even if I do think it, I file it away for future use. The fact that we do usually have some 'pillow time' after sex helps this. I can completely understand why women whose men don't do post-coital talks would want to get everything out quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Huh. Okay, admittedly, I've never done this, and I'd find it weird if the bf did. I do have some bad habits, like forgetting to clean the toys beforehand (so if we want to use them I have to get up and do it!), but I don't think I've ever said stuff like 'oh, btw, we need to get the carpet cleaned tomorrow!'. Even if I do think it, I file it away for future use. The fact that we do usually have some 'pillow time' after sex helps this. I can completely understand why women whose men don't do post-coital talks would want to get everything out quickly. Ha Ha Ha. I hear you. I know the running joke about men falling asleep after the act is complete. I'm very good about post-coital snuggling, embracing, and conversation. To me it would be rather rude to get off and then roll over and fall asleep without a word unless I was really spent, and if that was the case, I'd just tell her. Generally, I treat her concerns as my concerns. There is no after sex smoking but I have to draw the line somewhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Matrix Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 It seems like a lot of analysis for a simple thing: don't some women like to talk? Maybe even at odd times? If she likes to talk so much, I'm sure she'd be able to give you a good explanation if you ask. As long as it's a good-natured thing and doesn't come across as criticism. You can always sing to her: I hope people aren't over-analyzing my posting because it's not really that big of a deal. I'm more or less wondering if this is a norm in most relationships or if I just have that "I really need to tell you one thing first" wife. It's never been a deal breaker for she and I and I've never even brought it up to her because it's not a major issue with me. I just thought I'd throw the question out and see what the common denominator was. If I sing, she'd not only refuse sex with me. She'd probably leave me. That's not my area of talent. Link to post Share on other sites
SoMovinOn Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Seems like an easy fix... spend some time talking to her about her day *first*. Sit down with a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever you two would like to drink, and ask her to tell you everything about her day. Then when you two are done talking, you can initiate intimacy... and when you get right around first base, she'll say "OMG! I forgot to tell you, Jimmy has a baseball tournament this weekend!!" Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It helps free her mind from what is about to occur. Oh my God, are you and AdamAnt having a mindmeld? Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Pillows inspire pillow talk. It is intimate. I always miss out on this because my husband starts snoring 30 seconds after his head hits the pillow. Link to post Share on other sites
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